Ye Olde Show and Tell

Earlier in the week, I mentioned that Thoughtsy and I attended the MD Ren Fest this past weekend and whilst there enjoyed some entertainment.  The first show we saw was listed as ”Bloody Drama (Comedy)” in the program.  How could we possibly avoid something with that title, right?

It was basically a group of guys doing improv.  I would liken it to a Medieval Who’s Line Is It Anyway.  They took suggestions from the audience members for types of food and then did a bunch of “A ____ walks into a bar” jokes.  The food that was suggested was cheese.

Demonstrating the ooohhs & aahhhs to be made by the audience.

The guys then took turns thinking of “A cheese walks into a bar” jokes.  The only one I could remember was this one:

A cheese walks into a bar.  The bartender says, “We don’t serve cheese here . . . but, well, eh I don’t know . . . maybe . . .”  The cheese say, “Hey, don’t string us along!”  Ba-dum-bum.

That's Bob.

Then the audience suggested a non-food item for the jokes:  a mime.  There was only one joke . . .  but it was enough:

2 mimes walk into a bar . . . nobody cared.

They also did a routine where one of the guys had to guess what type of activities the other guys were acting out, once again based on audience suggestions.  One was playing baseball, with the ball being a fish and the bat being a coin.  I can’t remember the others.

They were funny.  I found myself laughing quite a bit, but then again I used to like that Who’s Line show back in the day, so I was probably their target audience.  Plus, I had just finished a glass of wine, so that might have helped with my comedy appreciation.

The next show we saw was actually suggested by our pirate friend, Chris.  They were new to the Ren Fest this year, but apparently perform regularly in Minnesota (I think?).  The were called The Danger Committee.  (cool name, right?).  The players consisted of Rodolfo, with a lovely German accent (German?  Thoughtsy, was he German?), Nick (bald guy) and Jay (other guy).  That is actually  how Rodolfo described his compatriots, stating “that is how they are going to remember you anyway.”  So true, Rodolfo.  So true.

But before the show began, a warning:

 

Then, there was juggling:

There was knife throwing:

Getting really close

Maybe this is how he gets such a clean cut?

There was comedy:

This while singing Iron Man . . . dun dun dun, dun dun da-dun

 There was . . . . sexiness?

His "sexy pose?"

And risking the future ability to procreate:

Good thing that pouch is there for protection, eh?

And more comedy:

He seriously could not get this off his head for like 5 minutes.

Then there was the final act.  You really have to trust your co-worker with his knife skills to be the person balancing on that thing whilst holding your arm out towards the knives.  Yikes!

Yo Ho Ho and a bottle of . . . port.

This past weekend I got to meet another blogger!!  Thoughtsy from Thoughts Appear.  She has a 35 before 35 list of things to do (having already completed her 30 before 30 list and needing more fun and interesting goals for her next 5 years on the planet), and on this current list is #22 Meet fellow blogger.  Well, Hoody, of Hoody Hoo fame, suggested that she would like to volunteer her services for #22, especially if it involved #4 Go to the Renaissance Faire (also known as the Ren Fest).  Of course, when I saw this, I couldn’t help but jump in and invite myself right along!  So we had this plan that we would all meet there this past Saturday.  (Unfortunately Hoody was unable to attend because when I told her she was required to dress authentically like a wench, she misunderstood authentic and thought that meant she had to also contract the Bubonic Plague to represent a true sense of the 14th century, so therefore she was too ill to join us.  Poor Hoody!). 

So it was just Thoughtsy and I, who did indeed meet and experience the infamous Maryland Renaissance Festival.  First of all, it was really great to finally meet Thoughtsy since I have been stalking following her blog for a while now, and also because she is super nice and fun in person.  We had a really great time.  We wandered around that sprawling place for hours;  we had some drinks, sampled some delicious food, watched a couple of fun shows and got to meet some really interesting people.  Also, the people watching was divine.  Imagine a place where it is not only accepted, but truly encouraged and embraced to let your freak flag fly, in any permutation you can imagine, and you have the Ren Fest.  Then imagine someone like myself . . . there with a camera.  Yeah.  Good times all around. 

So, after Thoughtsy and I walked around for a bit, we got a tad thirsty, so we decided to get a drink.  While we tried to avoid any activity that had a long line, as we were not keen to waste our time standing around waiting for stuff, the one line that was unavoidable was the line for alcoholic beverages, thus we were forced to wait.  Oh the tragedy.  But alas, a wench must do, what a wench must do.  Once we both got a glass of wine (not mead, just some yummy raspberry wine), we were looking for a place to sit and drink our wine for a bit, but all the tables in that area were full.  Until . . . we were summoned over by a large older gentleman in a bright green and yellow paisley costume who was just getting up from his table, who told us that there were seats available there and that he and his compatriots were leaving.  So we sat down.  However, it seemed they were not leaving just yet, so the fellow sat down again beside us.  Thus began our experience with our pirate friend, who regaled us with tales of whimsy and local lore . . . or just basically hit on us the whole time.  But he was harmless and somewhat entertaining. 

His name was Chris and he was actually an unemployed artist, so he told us.  He also persisted on calling me “the hot chick” while Thoughtsy was “the single Sicilian” and said he thought I was probably late 20s/early 30s, and even if he was lying out of his teeth (most probably), I still loved him for that! 

Him and his buddies were very gracious hosts.  They told us of upcoming shows which we would enjoy (which we did . . . more on that later in the week), they offered us some private stock of port wine (which we were both hesitant to try, being smart girls who have learned not to drink mystery substances from strange men . . . and these were indeed strange men.  However, Thoughtsy tried it and didn’t immediately pass out, so I was game.  Plus, what really did it for me was the fact that when I looked at the tiny shot glass sized goblet of wine, I saw an engraved “Busch Gardens” emblem on the side and it was just so touristy and dorky that I decided it had to be safe), and then also invited us to breakfast the next morning (not like that.  Perverts!).  It seems that these guys dress up every weekend in the fall, come to the Ren Fest early in the morning before the gates open, and have breakfast in the parking lot together before going in for the day.  It’s like tailgating before the game.  But for the Dungeons and Dragons geek set.  We of course declined the invitation to breakfast (and all other things intuited or invited by our pirate friend).

We actually ran into him later after attending one of the shows they recommended and he glommed unto us for quite a while.  He was very chatty.  He seemed like a nice man, but Thoughtsy and I didn’t go to the Ren Fest to spend the entire time with a guy who dresses up as a pirate and goes to a festival every weekend to hit on young women.  It just got a bit old after a while.  But like I said, harmless and good for a few laughs for a bit.

Here is our buddy Chris, the pirate, and a random wench friend of his:

Arggggghh. So, come here often?

More to come later in the week on our time at the Ren Fest.  You know there will be pictures.  Lots of pictures.  Stay tuned . . . .

**and make sure you check out Thoughtsy‘s site this week, as I’m sure she will be regaling us with her own tales from the Ren Fest.

Spork me?? Spork YOU!!

Tazer Warrior Princess, most recently of Oh Noa’s League of Funny Bitches fame, just posted a plethora of spork pics which she has collected from all and sundry, including yours truly. Go check out her post here.

By the way, my pics start with the House of Blues one and go to the bottom.

Enjoy!!

Weekly Whacked: AC Style!

So the hubs and I went up to Atlantic City last weekend for a little time away, just the 2 of us.  It was really nice to be without the kiddies for a bit, plus, we both enjoy gambling (the hubs moreso than myself, but then again, he is a degenerate gambler).  While we were there, we had some nice dinners at the restaurants at the casino we stayed in, we watched The Hangover 2 in our room one afternoon (Bradley Cooper . . . rowr!), we went out and took a walk on the boardwalk (more on that below) . . . oh, and then there was this little thing:

Yeah, baby!!

That’s right . . . Royal Flush.  Boo-ya!!  This happened at the beginning of the trip, but unfortunately I lost a good amount of it back to the casino as my luck ran out after this (not all of it, I’m not the hubs afterall).

Well, some interesting people were seen and also some interesting things on ye ole telly.   Before I get to the freak sightings, did you know there was a bed bug sniffing dog?  Well, there is.  And apparently she lives in Jersey.  So, if you have bedbugs, you may wanna talk to someone in Jersey.  Maybe the doggy will travel for the right fee.

Also, there was this commercial for a news station (NBC 40 in case you were wondering) that had this song playing while showing different scenes of south Jersey (one of which was a shirtless Guido in a boat, natch), and while the song was playing, there were the words to the song on the bottom of the screen with a follow-along bouncy ball.  One of the phrases of the song that struck me as odd was this:  “We don’t live in Philly . . . and neither do YOU!”  What’s with the Philly hate, Jersey?  What’s up with that?

Oh, and then we caught the very end of SNL and got to see Foster the People play some song that isn’t Pumped Up Kicks.  Now, here’s the thing.  I know it had been a long day of gambling and walking around on the boardwalk and all, so I might have just been hallucinating from exhaustion, but I swear at the end of the song, FUCKING KENNY G came out and started jamming with the band on his clarinet.  Was I in the twilight zone or did anyone else see this hot mess?  Just wondering here, because I think I may have lost my mind a little in AC.

Ok, on to the boardwalk, where there were all manner of fun and exciting sites to behold.  First, we passed this:

Take me around the world, baby.

You know, for when you are all stressed and uptight while you are walking along the boardwalk.  What you obviously need is a happy ending!

Next, we stopped in the obligatory head shop, and saw this specimen of awesomeness:

Wanna smoke?

Let me tell you, this was one impressive hookah.  Next time I’m having 20 or so people over for a little smoke break, I am getting this mother.

Then we saw this, which just was not fair:

Mmmm . . . Reese’s

I didn’t get any, in case you were wondering.  Didn’t want to spoil my appetite for dinner since we were going all fancy and shit.  But boy did I want one!

And we saw this, and I asked the hubs if he thought it was sexy.  His answer was yes.  I think it’s crass.  But I’m not a guy, so what do I know.  Fellas?

Oh baby, show me your ass crack.

Well, that’s pretty much it for the sights and sounds of AC.  Hope you enjoyed living vicariously through my telling of the tale.  And no, you cannot borrow any money.  Damn slacker.  Get a job!

I will leave you with this . . . on the way home, somewhere in Delaware I believe, we came upon this magnificent creature.  Behold . . . a 50 foot Virgin Mary:

Holy Mother Of GOD!!!

Conversations with My 6 Year Old

Last night, my son & I were watching the second hour of Dancing with the Stars that I had recorded on Monday night.  It was movie score night.  He has watched the show with me a couple times this season, so he recognizes a few of the dancers.  The first couple he saw dance last night was Maks & Hope.  They were dancing to the Toy Story theme….

6: Why are they dancing to this?
Me: It’s movie theme night. Every couple dances to a different movie song.
6: Gasp! Did they already do Mickey and Beauty & the Beast???
Me: Not Disney sweetie, just movies.

Then later, as the next dancers were dancing (Rob & Cheryl maybe?):

6: Is it always boy/girl dancing together or can there be boy/boy or girl/girl?
Me: Only boy/girl on this show (I am NOT prepared to explain Chaz, yet).
6: Why?
Me: That’s just what they do on this show. But I’m sure when you get older & have school dances, you will see boys & girls dancing with each other because there are lots of different people and couples in the world, right?
6: Right.

I love how accepting he is.

Then, during the scoring of Ricki & Derrick:

6: Wow! Is that the first 10 of the year???
Me: Yep.

He’s so damn observant, that boy.

Later, it was time for bed, but it was right before the last couple’s scores……

6: I want to stay up to see the scores!
Me: No, it’s late. Up to bed, now.
6: Will you tell me the scores in the morning?
Me: Yes.

After he is in bed, I come downstairs & watch the end where they say the scores, and I see a head peek out of his room….

6: Ha ha, I heard the scores!
Me: Go. To. Bed.

Oh, and then he treated me to this vocal gem all night as well:

“All the other kids with the rum ba dum, gotta bum da da bum, faster than my bubbles.” 

(that would be Pumped Up Kicks by Foster the People, in case you didn’t actually recognize the alternate lyrics). 

Love that kid!

Bringing it . . . again!

Well, after a couple days, I needed to go retrieve my watch from the clutches of my new sugar daddy and his minions of watch repairing elves.  When I walked into the shop, there was a different guy there and of course my heart was immediately crushed.  Might I not see the man of my dreams again?  So, even as heartbroken as I was, I did still need my watch, so I handed the man my ticket.  A couple minutes later, much to my delight, out comes my man.  He was smiling like he was a ten year old girl and I was his pony under the christmas tree.  In his hand was my newly repaired watch.  While I had been waiting for my watch to arrive, I had picked out a car charger for my phone as well, yet there was no price on it.  So when he emerged, I asked him how much.  “For you?  $10.”  A reasonable price, no doubt.  And obviously being discounted for my fabulousness, I’m sure.  There is no way that is the actual price.  Nope.  That is so the do-me discount.

The watch that started it all.

So, I give him my credit card to pay for my items.  After he takes it, he leans in close, and I mean really really close (be still my beating heart), looks right into my eyes and says, “you always look good.”  What a sweetie. 

Then off he went to ring up my purchases.  When he returned, still grinning like the love struck fool that he was, I signed my credit card slip and was about to make my way back to the office.  This is when he felt that he needed some type of contact.  Some touch before I retreated from his presence.  So he stuck out his hand for me to shake . . . and said, “I will see you” with a slightly upturned you on the end, almost like a question.  So, of course, having never experienced something so magical in all of my life, I gratefully accepted his outstretched hand, matched it with mine and responded, “um, yeah, I guess I’ll see you next time.  I need a battery.  Or something.”  I feel that spoke to our unspoken love.  He knew my true feelings and I knew his.  Words are not needed in these situations.  I will see him again.  If I need . . . something.  You know what I’m saying.

Oh, and then returning to the office, there was a gentleman in the elevator.  He was a tall dreadlocked man who was wearing his best sweatpants and rasta T-shirt.  Probably had a job interview.  He did hold the elevator door open for me, so he was an actual nice person.  And as I was exiting the elevator, 2 floors prior to his destination, he said to me, “your hair looks really nice.” 

Bringing it.  Like I said.

Want some styling tips?  Ways to woo the menfolk?  Dress in your sexiest business casual attire?  I’m here for ya.  I’m an expert, apparently.