So, guess what I got, folks . . . I got a blogging award!!!
Woo-freaking-hoo!!! Yay, me! Go shorty, it’s ya birthday, it’s ya birthday . . . Ahem. Sorry for that embarrassing outburst. I will try to reign it in.
Anyway, Tazer over at Tazer Warrior Princess, has so very graciously bestowed upon me this most significant of awards. But, according to the rules, this award comes with a price. No, it’s not just a “good job, here’s your award, go about your business,” type of thing. Nope. That would be way too easy. Instead, it’s a pass on the love and share with the rest of the class sort of endowment. And I’m totally ok with that. The rules are as follows:
1. Compose a short dedication to the person who awarded you the award.
2. Write a list for your readers detailing things about yourself your readers don’t know.
3. Pass the love forward to five bloggers that you feel deserve to receive it too.
Ok, no problemo. Let’s start with that dedication to Tazer.
First, this is what she said about me on her blog:
Misty, of Misty’s Laws, is a downright fucking genius. I don’t even know what you say. If you took my blog and took out all the creative curse words, it would suck. If you did the same to Misty’s blog, it’d still be fucking hilarious. I don’t even really know what to say, so just check it out. She definitely earns the “Versatile Blogger” award! Also, I really wish she was on Twitter.
That’s fucking magical, right? Ok, so here’s my dedication:
Tazer is freaking hysterical. She writes about any old random thing that she thinks about, but always brings the funny. She also depicts numerous drunken and crazy adventures with her BFF and BFFD, with or without the addition of muumuus. Also . . . sporks!! She has done a couple of absolutely brilliant posts about sporks, one of which yours truly contributed to, and the pictures she collected were hilarious and genius. Plus, she curses like a sailor and still remains crazily adorable while doing it. Basically, she is that wacky, outspoken, balls to the wall daredevil that I have always been too timid to be, but still want to be when I grow up. Much love, Tazer. You rock, girlfriend.
Oh, so I guess you now want to know some things about me, huh? Well, alright, since it’s in the rules. I guess I’ve gotta. But just remember . . . you asked for it. Hold on to your socks my peeps.
1. I am not blonde. Despite apparently popular opinion, I am a brunette. Except for the numerous grey streaks, it is all brown on top. Never been a blonde, although I did go through a brief period where I would dye it red occasionally, but it only had a very slight tint in the sunlight and it eventually turned brassy on the ends when I let it grow longer. It was quite stunning, let me tell you.
2. I met the hubs at a wedding. Well, technically, I had met him a few weeks/months prior at my work, where I just happened to also work with 2 of his sisters, when he stopped in to have lunch with them one day. But the subsequent wedding was the place he first really noticed me, I believe. It was that damn macerena. Does it to all the boys. It was his cousin’s wedding, so his whole family was there, and I went with my mom as a favor because my dad couldn’t make it . . . and the rest is history.
3. I have never Tweeted. I also, as far as I know, never plan to Tweet in the future. I hardly have time to be an outstanding employee, a stellar parent and a now famous blogger, so I just can’t see trying to follow people, or whatever the kids are doing these days. So thanks to all that wish to twat with me, but I just do not have the time.
4. I used to play the clarinet in my high school’s marching band. My school actually competed in marching band competitions and even went to Atlantic City one year to march on the boardwalk in some sort of parade. I also almost took out the entire band during that parade, domino-style, when my boot got caught in one of the diagonal planks of the boardwalk and I started sliding to my left out of control. This should be a lesson to you kids. Lift your damn feet while marching.
5. I hate mushrooms with a white hot passion and if anything I am eating has even walked by a mushroom, I immediately lose my appetite and want to hurl. Do not get those fungi anywhere near my person if you still want me to like you at all. The hubs is a huge fan of them, and if our marriage is ever dissolved, you bet that will be in the divorce decree as part of the grounds for our eventual split.
6. I never wear my seatbelt. Now, before you get all preachy and judgmental on my ass, I have heard it all before, so save it. And if any coppers are reading this and want to try to arrest my ass, all I have to say to you is . . . you’ve gotta find me first. Suckas!!
7. I stop at Dunkin Donuts every single morning (during the week) and get an iced caramel latte with skim milk. Every morning. And the hubs, knowing my addiction, usually picks one up for me on the weekends as well when he is out and about, unless I’m already out and get one my damn self. So, basically, I drink one of those things every single day of my life. Love them so much.
Ok, that’s enough of all that now. Do you feel like you’ve gotten a little peek into my head? Good. Let’s move on to the important stuff now . . . let’s spread the love. Like a good venereal disease. Here are the lucky individuals that I have deemed worthy to bestow this most auspicious of awards upon:
First, let me start by saying that I would have chosen 2 bloggers that Tazer already picked in her list, and the first would be the always entertaining and laugh out loud inappropriate (and possibly my adopted sister at this point if Dear Sweet Mama has gotten on the ball and granted my adoption request by now) Hoody from Hoody Hoo. But since Tazer already bestowed this upon her, I will refrain from using one of mine.
The other that I would have chosen is a complete no brainer, since she is technically my sister wife and we are living parallel lives right now, and that would be Jen from Jen e sais quoi aka Portlandia Mom. Fuck it, I’m choosing her anyway. She is whickedy whickedy whack, in the best possible way. She spins a tale with the most creative use of the english language, and the most creative combination of dirty words, that I have ever seen. Her blogs are freaking off the chart hysterical, evocative and even sometimes informative. I have literally laughed out loud at many a post. And she is never afraid to tell you exactly how she feels, even if it will piss you off, and she will defend her positions with a heartiness that is rare and to be admired. All while cracking your shit right up! When she entered the blogosphere a few short months ago, she didn’t tiptoe in, feeling her way around and getting her bearings. No. She kicked that blog door right down with her ass kicking boots, shouted “here I am you cocksucking blogosphere. Look the fuck out,” and has rocked that shit ever since. She is my soul sister, and if I ever get my ass to Portland, she is gonna stuff me so full of good carb-laden food, that I might go into a carb coma. I’m cool with that. Love ya, sistah!!
1. Ok, this is my official list . . . starting with, of course, Shane from Wag the Dad. Shane has given me a lot of shit lately, and I love him for it. I asked him to put me on his blogroll, along with others he had recently given a shout out to, and he has made me rue that day. I can take it though. He has a truly versatile blog, talking about everything from sex to parenting to homosexuality to booze for pets. He is the only member of The League of Funny Bitches with a dick, as he will so proudly inform you, but it is well deserved, because he is one funny bitch indeed. While he has recently informed us that he is taking some time off (going from 5 posts/week to 3) to write a novel, I’m sure those posts will still be fantastic and he will bring it even harder. He is one funny mofo and I can’t wait to read that novel of his. I would probably stalk his ass for realz if he didn’t live in Austria, but luckily the interwebz transcend all oceans and distances, so keep bringing that irreverent humor of yours, Shane. I am forever a fan.
2. Next is Paula of The Wily Weez fame. She surprises me on a daily basis with how goofy and crazy and just darn funny she can be. She posts about her hubby, her 2 boys, wizards, the marker nazi (I’m still gonna kick that Nazi’s ass for her), drunken shenanigans on planes and naked people at her wedding. She never fails to catch me off guard with her wit and her uncanny ability to make fun of herself and things around her in a way that is fresh and interesting. Plus, she created Fuck You Fridays, wherein you can tell off whoever or whatever is pissing you off that week, and I believe that forum for bitching might have saved some people in my general vicinity from imminent death. Rock on with your crazy ass, Paula. Much love.
3. This be my homegirl, yo. Thoughtsy from Thoughts Appear. This is the only blogger I have had the privilege of meeting in real life, and at a Ren Fest no less, and she did not disappoint. Plus, anyone who will bring me M&Ms when we first meet will always hold a place in my heart. Her blog talks about zombies, the things that movies teach us, her crazy addiction to pop-tarts (which she has abstained from for many months now, much the horror!), and her cat Esme, who might actually be a zombie cat at this point. I am mad impressed with her ability to post 5 days a week! And her posts are always entertaining and fun. She has a 35 before 35 list that I just can’t wait to see her complete, since she has already tore through that 30 before 30 list. She is super sweet in person, but has a biting wit that will catch you off guard in her posts. Also, if the Apocalypse were to come, I would want her right beside me as my official guide and kick ass Zombie Hunter Girl. Love ya, Thoughtsy!
4. My next choice is my girl, Johi from Confessions of a Cornfed Girl. When I first discovered her blog, every time I would see the title, I would immediately get Tori Amos’ “Cornflake Girl” stuck in my head. Every. Single. Time. It has not changed. Luckily I like that song! Johi is living the most glamorous life and talks about it all in her blog. From taking care of her sick kids, to cleaning up the constant messes, to fighting off her husband’s sexual advances while he refuses to wear pants with his shirt, and then trying to find a time in the day to shower, Johi just has it all. She has hysterically and accurately written about what it is like to try to get her kids out of the house and also the perils and self loathing of swim suit shopping. Luckily, she is also kind of crazy and writes about her experiences with her friend Sarah, usually when posing as ninjas in the Old Navy store, or getting her drink on out at a bar, and bringing all the sexy. I want to share a box of wine with this funny nutty broad one day, but until then, I will continue to read her blog and laugh my ass off every time she posts. Keep bringing that kookiness, Johi. You know I love it.
Ok, this last one is the toughest. Not because I can’t think of anyone. But because there are just so many talented and deserving bloggers out there that I would love to recognize and it is so hard to just pick one last one. But, rules are rules, so I am just gonna have to pick.
5. I bestow this honor on the most badass sewing rebel I have ever “met.” Andi from Lazy Subculture Girl rocks my socks. She blogs about her sewing projects, usually something covered in camo or skulls, and has mad talent to back it up. But this isn’t just a sewing blog, oh no! She also talks about Sci-Fi, music, television, books, and of course her family. She has 3 boys and is the most kick ass stay at home mom, because her favorite one is whichever one isn’t pissing her off at that moment. Now that is a mom. Not only is her blog informative and funny, but when you see any of her comments on other blogs, you can’t help but want to be her when you grow up. She is just so full of knowledge and humor, and she wields it like a sword of awesomeness. One day when she’s all famous from winning the most recent season of Project Runway, and has a ton of money from all her fame and success, I hope she’ll make me one of her fantastic garments. Free of charge, of course, because we’re tight like that, yo. Right, Andi? Hello? Andi? Oh well. She’s still the bomb diggity. Check her out.
Phew! I’m exhausted from all that pouring out of info and love. That takes a lot for this cold hearted bitch, you know? Anyway, thanks again for this accolade and go check out my peeps above because they really deserve it.