This past weekend, I had the opportunity to be in the presence of greatness. Not only in the presence of, but I was actually able to hear, see, speak to and even give gifts to the Greatness.
Of course I am speaking of the great and powerful
Oz Bloggess!! Jenny Lawson, aka The Bloggess, who recently wrote a book entitled Let’s Pretend this Never Happened, has been #1 on the New York Times best seller list for a full month, and has been on a book tour for the past couple weeks/months. Her first leg of the tour was so successful, as was her book, that she added a second leg. And that second leg just happened to have not one, but two stops in my home state. First stop, Gaithersburg at a Book Festival, and second (and last tour) stop was in Annapolis at a Barnes & Noble.
Once I discovered that The Goddess would practically be in my backyard, I contacted my fellow MD-er and homegirl, Thoughtsy, and we coordinated as to which day we should go
stalk see The Bloggess. We decided to go on Sunday to Annapolis.
Thoughtsy and I both got there about 2 hours before the event, wanting to make sure we got good seats and a ticket to get our books signed (you had to have the book in hand and physically be there to get a ticket to have her sign your book). We didn’t need to be quite so early, as there were only a small handful of people there at that point, and it only got really filled up right before the event started. But it was good that we were early, because it gave us a chance to sit in the 4th row and we also got to chat and catch up with each other for a bit. Always a plus!
While we were waiting for Jenny to arrive, I walked around the area and noticed that someone working at the store must have been a fan of The Bloggess and her book. They had put a couple really cute things around the area that were reminiscent of Jenny’s blog posts and things she had mentioned in her book. The first were the cut out puppets posted all around:
. . . Mother Fucker!
Then there were some references from her book:
Snausages and a Fork!!
Portlandia blog post call back:
And then my absolutely favorite thing that they did . . . reserved a seat for the elusive and difficult, Nathan Fillion (with twine!):
Just in case . . .
You know . . . because of all the places that Nate might finally show up and cooperate with Jenny’s
insanity plea, the most likely place would be on a Sunday afternoon in Annapolis, MD. Sure, why not? (When Jenny saw this, she was actually quite tickled that they had this set up. It was pretty hysterical).
So, after our dedicated and selfless waiting for the Queen of all Blogging, she finally graced us with her presence. While we were waiting, the area had filled up to max capacity, and upon seeing the shit ton of people who had showed up for her, Jenny’s first exclamation was:
Holy Shit, there’s a lot of people! I shouldn’t have said Holy Shit. Especially not right next to the age 0-2 section. Hi kids!
So, that started us off with quite a bang, wouldn’t you say? She then warned us that if it seemed she was acting strange, it wasn’t because there was something wrong with her. Nor had she imbibed a bit of liquid courage prior to her appearance:
I am on A LOT of drugs. My doctor told me she had something for me that all the singers and performers and other people who go on tour, who have anxiety, take all the time. “Is it cocaine?” I asked. “No, it’s BETTER than cocaine!” So, I just want you to know that I’m not drunk.
Then she began her reading. She read the chapter of her book about almost ODing on laxatives. And it was hella funny in the book, and ten times funnier to hear her read about her own experience. When she got to the part about how she had taken a bunch of laxatives, and then went to get a large Frappuccino, there was giggling from the crowd. At that point she stopped for an aside:
See? You guys get it. Nobody told me that coffee was in fact a laxative. No idea.
In the chapter, she also mentioned how she tried to counteract the effects by taking a dose of Pepto, and the only thing that did was turn her tongue black. Another aside:
I thought that happened to everyone, but people were like, “what are you talking about?” Apparently it only turns 1 in 6 people’s tongues black. How do I know it’s 1 in 6? Because Pepto contacted me. THEY WERE NOT PLEASED.
At one point in the story, she reads the part where she yells: “I HAVE DIARRHEA.” She commented on her reading this part out loud at B&N:
I just yelled, “I have diarrhea” in a crowded store. The people at Starbucks over there are like WTF? Sorry! That probably didn’t help sales.
Once she was done reading the chapter, she opened it up for a Q&A session. One of the first questions was why she wasn’t wearing her confidence wig . . .
I’m on a lot of drugs, so that’s my confidence wig.
Surprising even myself, I found MY OWN hand raised in the air to ask a question (I guess Jenny brings the extrovert out of me!), and asked her, “has Nathan Fillion contacted you yet?” (My girl, Jen e Sais Quoi, would be so proud of me!). To which followed one of the greatest responses of all time, ever (what? I’m not biased!):
No, he hasn’t. Although, I’ve met people on the tour that work with him and they said they have asked him and he’s just like, “no, I’m just not gonna do it.” Even though I have faith in Nater Tater, I’ve decided to focus on a more attainable person . . . Barack Obama. I tweeted him, and was like, “hey, I’ll be in your town. Let’s make this happen!” but no response. Although, I did hear back from some people that work for him, and they said, “no promises, but we’ll see if we can make it happen.” How awesome would that be?? A picture of Obama holding twine, all “what’s your problem, Fillion?”
Following the Q&A session, we all lined up to get our books signed by Jenny. Both Thoughtsy and I had not only brought books for her to sign, but we had also brought presents! I had picked up a card and figured, since we had plenty of time to wait, that I would be able to come up with the most perfect and wonderful things to say to Jenny in the card. Well, while the card I got was perfect (it had Wonder Woman on the front!), what I wrote ended up as a rambling, long-winded mess. Oh well . . . she’ll just think I’m nuts. Won’t be the first time.
The presents I got for her were a little touch of MD. I bought some items that she would only find in this state . . . Berger’s cookies and Old Bay. I also got her a bottle of wine from Linganore winery, which is a MD winery. (Also note, it is the first wine that Thoughtsy and I shared together at the Ren Fest all those many months ago. Ahhh, memories). And then, of course, I just couldn’t resist also getting her a bottle of Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill wine. Only the finest for the great Bloggess!!
The line went very quick, as they were moving people along quite briskly. It was sign, picture, see ya! When I got to her, I asked her to sign my book and also something else. Her handler (who was really the one moving everyone along), messed the whole thing up, but I wasn’t going to complain. However, after I had asked her to sign multiple things, I said that to make up for it, “I have presents!!”
I gave her the bottles of wine saying, “this is booze,” to which she replied, “oh, bless you!” and when I told her one was Strawberry Hill, she said, “that’s my favorite!” My response: “I know. Because I’m stalking you.” She giggled at that. I made the Bloggess giggle. Score!
I then assured her that I was not actually stalking her (I’m not even sure why I said that!). I then gave her the other part of the gifts and proceeded to get my picture taken with her, which turned out pretty well, I must say. Although, I am a bit remorseful about the fact that I was standing that close to her and never got to touch her! I should have asked for a hug. But, I was close enough to smell her hair. I didn’t, but if I was a weirdo and into that kinda shit, I totally could have. (Actually, I told Thoughtsy that I had an idea that I would ask if she would get up and I could sit there and act like I was signing the book to her, while she was standing next to me, but that just never ended up happening. It all moved so fast and they really were trying to get people moving through there quickly. Oh well).
The Bloggess wrote MY name. Swoon!
So, I guess you want to see the picture of me with the Bloggess, huh? I’ll warn you . . . it is magnificent. I don’t want you to be all jealous of how amazingly beautiful I am, or how regal both of us look. You’ve been warned.
Me and the Bloggess!!
I admit it . . . I doctored that photo a bit. Jenny was not really wearing a crown. But I thought she should have one, no? Being blogging royalty and all. Everything else is photographically accurate.
Oh wait! I forgot to mention . . . she brought Copernicus!! She’s using him as a drink holder on the tour. I got a picture, but it’s really blurry, so not the greatest. You can get the idea, though:
But wait! That’s not even close to all. I know, you are probably exhausted from this hugely long post . . . but this is for YOU!
I had previously bought some stickers from Jenny’s Zazzle store, and totally forgot I had them until I planned to go to this signing. When I realized they were just sitting there, I thought, “maybe I can get Jenny to sign these and give them away!” So, that is what I attempted to do. What actually happened was a whole fluffermaroo involving her handler only wanting her to sign ONE, and me asking if she could sign each because I was planning a giveaway, and her very kindly doing it, but misunderstanding when I asked her to sign across each one, and her just signing across the whole thing. Then she tried to fix it by signing each one on the line. Sigh. Anyway, she was very gracious, and it was my fault for not being more specific, but it didn’t quite end up as I had planned. But here it is . . .
Anyway, this is what I am giving away:
One sticker, with Jenny Lawson’s signature on the LIFETIME MEMBER signature line. Still pretty rad, huh?
The regular rules apply (do one of these things):
1. Like my Facebook page (see all the way up at the top right of this page —^).
2. Follow my Blog (also up up up top there on the right).
3. Comment on this post. Tell me your favorite part of her book. Or tell me your favorite blog post of hers and why. Or tell me what you would do if you met the Bloggess (something creative). Or if you have met the Bloggess, what happened? Was it magical? Or . . . if you know either Nathan Fillion or President Obama . . . figure out a way to get them to take a picture of themselves holding twine (or get the Bloggess face time with either), and let me know if you can do this!!
Check out Thoughtsy’s post about her experience with the Bloggess as well.