In my last post, I described my trip down to the beach and the beginning of my vacation. Even though I got a slow and frustrating start, I eventually made it down there and was able to relax and enjoy my time on vacation. But why would you want to hear about that? I’m sure you would much rather hear and see the crazy, funny and ridiculous stuff I encountered whilst there, yes? I thought so. Here goes.
When I arrived on Friday night, the family was actually staying at a hotel. The hotel was lovely. It had a living room, full kitchen, rain shower and very comfy beds in a dark, tailor-made for sleeping, bedroom. It also had three pools: a lagoon-type kids pool, complete with slides and lazy river, a full olympic sized pool with a swim up bar (yep, you heard me), and an indoor pool. Oh, and did I mention the Starbucks in the lobby? Yeah, so it was heaven. But it was also a temporary heaven. The next day we moved on to the condo we would be staying in for the week. And that is when the craziness began.
When I first arrived, I discovered a lovely greeting on the wall:
Although a well meaning sign, the creator was obviously not the brightest pelican on the post. But then it got worse. Because as I was starting to put stuff away, I discovered this in the kitchen:
Yes, that is the kitchen counter. And yes, that is a hair and tons of food particles. Yuck! I was not feeling very WelOCmed, that’s for sure. The places are all supposed to be cleaned by a cleaning crew before the turnover on each Saturday. It seemed that our cleaning crew definitely missed a few spots. So, I was forced to call the rental agency to complain, and they sent another cleaning crew over.
Once the place was sufficiently cleaned, I was able to start unpacking and putting stuff away. This is when I discovered a theme to the condo: Pink Pussies. Think I’m being crass and/or joking? Nope.
Even the view was pink:
Oh, and all the furniture was pink, the bedspreads were pink, the curtains were pink. Basically, it was like living in a large pink vagina. It was awesome!!
And of course, while I was unpacking the kitchen, my hubs was helpfully unpacking his stuff in our bathroom:
Helpful, isn’t he? This was of course after he peed around his favorite chair. Gotta mark your territory, yo.
But enough about the condo . . . we did eventually leave the safety of our big comfy vag, and went out to the beach!! Yep, that’s right, I ventured out onto the vast expanse of sandy shores and crashing waves. Want proof?
This is where we also discovered the tiniest blue crab ever known to man. It was miniscule, but had the largest and creepiest eyes ever!
And then there was the rainbow United States cloud. I’m hoping this is an omen for the future of America.
Oh, and did I mention the hot running men? There were quite a few Baywatch moments on the beach . . .
You are welcome, ladies. Here’s some more man-meat for ya:
Oh, and this one:
He wasn’t a lifeguard, but merely a scopes guy, but I’m gonna let it slide. And speaking of hot mens:
Oh, and for my gentlemen readers out there . . . there are boobs and slutty women pending, so you just be patient.
Since we were on vacation, there was obviously a ton of food (and drinks!) and the constant consumption of those delicious meals (and drinks!).
They are outrageously delicious. If you have never had a Fractured Prune donut, I am very sorry for your loss. If you have one near you and have yet to experience it, RUN to your nearest establishment and get a box. I recommend the Strawberry Shortcake one highly!
Speaking of Strawberry Shortcakes:
This was a Chocolate Covered Strawberry Shortcake from Harpoon Hanna’s. Don’t judge, it was deliciousness personified. But I sucked that thing down too fast, so I was forced to try another of their delectable concoctions:
This was also delicious. This is what it was:
So very yummy! Oh, I also had food there, but that is beside the point right now. There was seafood though, just be assured. And speaking of seafood, we had our obligatory Crab night:
Crabs and scallops . . . What could be better? Well, except for the steamed shrimp, crab cakes, corn on the cob and crab soup which is not pictured but most definitely made it into my belly!!
And then there was the Mexican fiesta of food (and drinks!) we had. Mmmmm, strawberry margarita!!
Soooo many dips. Soooo much goodness. After drinks and dips, we were almost too full for our entrees . . . almost. I forced myself to power down most of my fresh Mahi fish tacos. Yum. Are you shocked that I gained five pounds on this trip? Yeah, me too!
And I would be remiss from including one other special drink:
A toasted almond at Bahama Mama’s. We ate out on the deck with a view of the bay and Assateague Island. You know, of the Misty of Chincoteague fame? Oh, and in case you were wondering, I was a good girl and finished all of my drink. Both parts.
In case you were worried, I did not in fact spend the entire vacation in a drunken stupor. There were lots of drinks, but no drunkenness. There were non-alcoholic drinks as well! Don’t look so surprised . . . there was ice cream involved, so hush!
That would be an ice cream soda from the famous Dumser’s. Please note the fancy sunset in the background. I got all picturesque and shit before I dug into that beauty. For you. You are welcome.
Ok, this post has become hella long. Are you still there? Hello? Did I lose you about 12 pictures back? That’s ok, I don’t blame you. It’s a lot, I know. But there’s more!! Don’t worry, I’m going to give you a break, though. I’ll break this into two posts so you have a chance to recover from all the gloriousness you have just experienced. It’s a lot to take in. It may need to settle for a bit.
So . . . stay tuned for pictures from the annual family night out of drunken and disorderly conduct and other various
evidentiary documentary photos from my trip. Oh, and there will be a whacked. There was oh so much whacked. My poor eyes will never recover from the things I’ve seen on this trip. And I’m gonna share them with you!! I try not to be selfish, after all.
I will return after what is destined to be an epic trip to New York City to experience BlogHer with some amazingly cool women!! I can’t wait to meet all of my fellow bloggers. Wish me luck! And fingers crossed that Jen, Johi and I stay out of jail. (I would say we have a 50/50 shot of it). See you all next week! Toodles.