Weekly Whacked: Sights & Sounds Around Town

You might have noticed a glaring lack of whacked posts as of late.  Truth is, I just haven’t been feeling very “whacky” lately.  When I mentioned to the hubs that I haven’t been doing a lot of posts where I make fun of the way people are dressed, he said that maybe I’m becoming a kinder, gentler Misty.  To which I thought . . . nah, that can’t be it!  I mean, come on, have you met me?  Pretty sure I would have to shuffle off this mortal coil for all of the snark to be gone from this here body of mine. 

But something is different, for sure.  I have pictures I could use for a whacked post.  A couple posts, probably.  Although I haven’t been taking a lot of pictures lately, I just chalk that up to it being winter and people dressing a bit more conservatively warmly in these bitter cold months.  The warm weather really brings out the crazies and their penchance for whacky outfits.  But I really think it’s more than that. 

I feel like something has shifted in me recently.  I just haven’t felt that mean and snarky spark that leads me to want to post pics to make fun of.  And you know me.  Usually, I own that shit.  “These are pictures I’ve taken of fashion travesties, and oh my god, what the hell was he/she thinking!!”  But I don’t know if it’s just winter doldrums, or the cold, or what.  I mean, maybe in the spring I’ll feel more spry and snarky and get right back into it.  Especially when people start shedding coats, and walk around wearing leggings as pants again!  But who knows.  We’ll see.

Maybe I am kinder and gentler.  Maybe this blog will start being all pictures of clouds and sunsets (and puppies and unicorns), and me talking about how I like myself, damnit!  Maybe that’s just who I am now . . .

Wait, where are you going?  Don’t leave me!  I can change, I promise.  I was just joking.  Just jokes, you see?  Funny, ha ha.  Right?  Hello?  Anyone still there?  Anyone . . . ? 

Crap.

Ok, fine.  I know what you came for.  I know what you want.  And I’m gonna give it to you, too.  Even if my cold black heart does pay the price for it.  So you can go ahead and blame yourselves as my soul plummets straight down to the fiery pits of hell.  I hope you are happy with yourselves.

I find it horrifying that these poor sub/wraps are forced to cave to societal pressure by not just being delicious, but also attractive.  I imagine some sort of augmentation surgery was involved.  I blame Hollywood.

Yeah, so I’m not sure if these are balls you are supposed to kiss, or balls that are supposed to kiss you, but either way . . . I’m thinking that’s a little pricey.  And also?  I’ll pass.

I WANT AN OWL TRUCK!!

Don’t worry . . . this was happening in the warmer months.  But still, there is not enough money in the world to convince me to stand on the side of the road in a green neoprene bodysuit holding a sign.  But at least he got to wear comfortable shoes.  Even if they don’t particularly complement his suit.

I got to see this beauty one morning as I was walking up the steps in my parking garage.  Apparently, somebody was doing more than just parking the night before.  I work in the classiest city.

When did food become so sexualized?  I feel like maybe there’s a class action suit here somewhere.  Hmmmm.

She was texting.  With both phones.  At the same time.  Yeah, I don’t even . . . there are no words.

It’s weird, because I would have sworn Pandas were a protected species, but apparently not.  Or maybe, it’s ok to grill them, but sauteing and fricasseeing are illegal?  Hmm, I think I need to read up on my endangered species laws before I make dinner tonight.  Wouldn’t wanna break any laws, ya know.

I’m gonna leave this open for guessing . . . what do you think this object is?  (Hint: If you said “Elmo’s schlong” you would be incorrect.  I think.)

I know it’s wrong, but I really wanted to buy an entire tub of these balls, and go home and shove them all into my mouth.  Don’t judge me.

See that step there on the right . . . that’s where the above pictured condom was discovered.  This freaking parking garage is getting more action than I am.  Damn.

Well, if you were paying attention, you might notice that while I did indeed do a whacked post, it was mostly making fun of objects and not people (green man and texting girl excepted, and I consider those more . . . situational).  It’s a win-win, you see.  You get snarky commentary about craziness I have snapped pics of, and I get to feel like less of a super mean asshole because I’m not making fun of anyone’s ass!  Ahhh, I’m getting the warm fuzzies all over.  And hopefully this will appease your insatiable thirst for blood.  You animals.

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