A Surprising Desire

Once I finally accepted that this whole wanting a baby thing was not just a passing whim, I realized that I was going to have to try to convince my husband to go along with this crazy plan. This scared the crap out of me. I had an inkling that he might not be quite ready to jump on board, and that it was going to take some convincing. This idea would be coming from left field and would be especially surprising, considering the source.

But if it was going to happen, it was going to have to happen soon.  I was sitting square in the middle of my late thirties, with the big 4-0 looming on the horizon.  Biologically, I didn’t have a lot of time to waste.  It was almost exactly one year since my miscarriage when I decided to discuss the topic with him.

To say that he was “surprised” would be a vast understatement.  He was almost struck speechless by my unexpected desire for another child.  He then made many valid and logical arguments against it;  our age, the cost of a child, the physical and mental strain I would need to go through, the sleepless nights, his travel schedule, the possibility of losing another baby.

I couldn’t deny any of his points.  I absolutely agreed with him on every one.  He was correct.  It was an insane idea.  Yet . . . all of that logic and reason didn’t for one second diminish the persistent and aching need that I had to have another child.  It was beyond logic.  Something I never thought I’d experience.  But there it was.

I didn’t push the issue. I laid out my arguments and then gave him time with it.  I hoped fervently that the idea would settle in his mind and start to grow in his heart.  I had made my case, and there was nothing left for me to say to try to convince him.  He would either accept the idea or reject it.

The next time the issue came up, I realized that he had accepted it.  Although hesitantly and just barely, he was on board.  So we tried.  With no success for the first couple of months.  Until I took a test at the beginning of February and saw a positive result.  This time, my reaction was vastly different than the previous time.  I was overjoyed.  Cautiously overjoyed, but extremely happy just the same.

But it didn’t last.  I lost the baby on Valentine’s Day.

I was beginning to think that it was physically impossible for me to have a baby at this point.  I could get pregnant, obviously, but both miscarriages happened around 5 weeks.  So maybe I just couldn’t sustain a pregnancy past that point.  However, although I was discouraged, I wasn’t quite ready to concede.  My goal was to have this baby before I was 40, so I figured we had a couple more months to make that happen.  So we tried again.  And I got pregnant once again in March.

But five weeks in, I started bleeding again. Just to be safe, I scheduled an appointment with my doctor that day to get it checked out. I didn’t have high hopes, but I wanted to be sure. A sonogram revealed that the baby was still alive, but there was a lot of blood flowing around it. The doctor very gravely explained to me that it appeared that a miscarriage was imminent and that I should return later in the week for another sonogram, with the possibility of a DNC to be scheduled at that time. I was heartbroken.

I waited 2 days to find out the fate of this child. Forty eight hours. Two thousand, eight hundred and eight minutes. One hundred and seventy-two thousand, eight hundred seconds. I felt every single one of those seconds tick by. It was the longest 2 days of my life.

When I returned to the doctor’s office, a nurse took my blood pressure, as is routine. She noted that it was pretty high.  “Are you nervous?” she asked.  Yeah, I think I am.  I wonder why that might be.

I happened to have the same sonogram tech perform the second sonogram. She remembered me, and I remembered how kind she had been at my previous visit, when I couldn’t stop crying after the doctor told me the news.  She had allowed me time alone in the room to compose myself, while I’m sure others were waiting to use it. I was glad it was her again.

When the images came on the screen, I saw something quite surprising.  The baby was moving.  And there was a heartbeat.  The tech very excitedly said that the heartbeat was much stronger than 2 days prior and that the blood was congealing and not flowing as much as before.  This was very good news.  I have never been more relieved than I was at that moment.  When the doctor saw the results, she was very hopeful.  She wanted me to return in a week for a follow-up sonogram, but she said that it looked good. Once I got dressed, I may have floated out of the office.  It felt like a 2 ton elephant had been surgically removed from my heart.  I’m pretty sure my blood pressure had gone down by then as well.

All of that has led me to this point.  The moment when I can tell you that I am now at 12 weeks and counting, and baby #3 is due on November 30th.

sono12wkshoes

Looks JUST like me.

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31 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. PigLove
    Jun 02, 2014 @ 09:15:02

    OMP (Oh my pig!) Conpigulations my friend. This is awesome!! XOXO – Bacon

    Reply

  2. brickhousechick
    Jun 02, 2014 @ 09:20:33

    Oh, Misty! Congratulations to you and your family!!! What a journey. You have been through so much and yet you kept going determined to fill your heart. :) LOL on the baby’s sandals! PERFECT! (I can’t stop using exclamation marks!!). :)

    Reply

  3. Don't Quote Lily
    Jun 02, 2014 @ 09:34:59

    OH MY GOD! I swear my heart was in my throat this whole time. I don’t even know you, but I felt your pain at having gone through that…and more than once! Can’t even imagine. And then I couldn’t stop smiling when I reached the end! I’m so happy for you, and sending lots of positive thoughts and blessings. You deserve this bundle of joy!! :) Take care!

    Reply

  4. Dani
    Jun 02, 2014 @ 10:30:41

    So happy for you!! <3

    Reply

  5. ifUseekAmy
    Jun 02, 2014 @ 11:29:23

    Congrats! Wish you and your family all the best with baby ninja!

    Reply

  6. Danielle Geer
    Jun 02, 2014 @ 13:15:18

    !!!!!!! Congratulations, mama!!! I am sooooooo excited for you!

    Reply

  7. Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd
    Jun 02, 2014 @ 13:40:52

    AHHH! Congratulations! My miscarriages were also all five weeks. Nothing quite like passing that mark and then hitting the ground running!

    Reply

  8. Fresh Ginger
    Jun 02, 2014 @ 14:11:07

    Ooooooh, my goodness. I waited to comment on this series because I wanted to see where it was going. Congrats and best wishes! :)

    Reply

  9. bluzdude
    Jun 02, 2014 @ 14:22:00

    Congratulations, my friend.

    I noticed that the Ravens (and I used their official name, out of respect for your condition), are playing San Diego that day, at 1:00. I hope everyone will be able to distinguish your childbirth noises from “Go Team” noises… Maybe you can just squeeze her out at halftime.

    (and I say “her” because the sonogram clearly shows she is wearing sandals and has painted toes.)

    Reply

  10. crazyemma
    Jun 02, 2014 @ 15:34:00

    YEA! Nothing but positive thoughts and splendid wishes for you and your family! The last few posts have had me worried for you…and I don’t even know you…but I can say now that a little weight has been lifted from my worry-meter. Take care of yourself and that little life you have within…

    Reply

  11. The Cutter
    Jun 02, 2014 @ 16:35:35

    Congrats and good luck…You’ll need it if your baby is anything like my daughter when she was first born. Such an angry baby.

    But enough about that. For now…congrats!

    Reply

  12. Jessica | Defining Wonderland
    Jun 02, 2014 @ 16:37:06

    Congratulations, Misty! What happy news for you and your family. :)

    Reply

  13. Andrea @ Maybe It's Just Me
    Jun 02, 2014 @ 16:51:04

    <3

    Reply

  14. thoughtsappear
    Jun 02, 2014 @ 18:57:16

    Oh, Misty! On Valentine’s Day. =( My second was on Halloween. Why on holidays?!

    Congratulations! Love the pic!

    Reply

  15. Jess Witkins
    Jun 02, 2014 @ 20:37:37

    Awwwwww. LOVE. Love you. Love your body. Love your family. Love that baby. Sad you had to go through so much hurt to get here, I can’t imagine. I’m so sorry. But can’t wait to meet Mini Misty!

    Reply

  16. joannerambling
    Jun 02, 2014 @ 23:32:26

    Hey congratulations scans of babies now days are amazing

    Reply

  17. Ice Scream Mama
    Jun 03, 2014 @ 06:09:48

    ohh so so difficult but so so happy for you. hugs!! :)

    Reply

  18. Valentine Logar
    Jun 03, 2014 @ 06:21:58

    You just made me cry! Happy tears, believe me happy happy tears. I am so very happy for you. Congratulations.

    Reply

  19. flyingplatypi
    Jun 03, 2014 @ 09:40:38

    I’m soooooo happy and excited for you!!! Congratulations!!!! :0)

    Hugs!

    Valerie

    Reply

  20. She's a Maineiac
    Jun 03, 2014 @ 18:59:46

    CONGRATS!!! I am so happy for you guys! I’m so outta the loop, I had no idea.

    So sorry you suffered miscarriages. Been there. Also, this is too weird but Miss Julia’s due date was Dec. 1st (after a few miscarriages) I remember at the end I was just hoping she wouldn’t arrive on Thanksgiving Day.

    Reply

  21. Go Jules Go
    Jun 03, 2014 @ 21:02:29

    Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaomgomgomgomg!!!! Congratulations, Ninja Snaps!!

    I’m so sorry the road to this point was so difficult, but couldn’t be happier for you and your expanding family.

    P.S. – That is hands (okay, baby feet) down the best sonogram picture of all-time.

    Reply

  22. bschooled
    Jun 04, 2014 @ 00:02:10

    Best blogpost ending ever. Congrats, Misty! I am so excited for you!

    Reply

  23. renée a. schuls-jacobson
    Jun 04, 2014 @ 07:26:55

    Misty, I was holding my breath as I read this post. You have been thru some dark days. Wow. I’m in love with your ultrasound photo. And somehow – somehow – I have to believe that this was all part of your journey. That darkness suit really does make us appreciate the light. November is a great month for babies! (said the girl who was born on 11/18). I hope the rest of your pregnancy is easy!

    Reply

  24. pegoleg
    Jun 04, 2014 @ 11:55:48

    WHoooooohoooo! Congratulations, Misty. This is such excellent news. Sending prayers up that the pregnancy goes smooth as silk from here on out.

    Reply

  25. donofalltrades
    Jun 04, 2014 @ 12:35:58

    Boooya, baby!! I’m so happy for you, Misty! If my wife came to me and said that she wanted another baby tomorrow, I’d sprint to have my vasectomy reversed and get to gettin’! Your husband had no chance, and I’m sure he realized that. Our third was unplanned, but never unwanted. Your journey will make you appreciate this little one so so much. I pray for a mostly easy pregnancy and look forward to reading about the new little girl in your life soon enough!!

    Reply

  26. Hippie Cahier
    Jun 06, 2014 @ 10:38:30

    I’m sorry I took so long to get back to this. I saw it on my way out the door . . .literally.

    I love the perfectly pedicured sonogram and the happy news. Congratulations on this exciting new phase. :-)

    Reply

  27. Nelson - One Old Sage
    Jun 09, 2014 @ 15:05:32

    What fantastic news! I am so happy for you. Hugs to you. :)

    Reply

  28. monalatte
    Jun 09, 2014 @ 23:19:12

    Congrats Misty! It was really brave of you to keep trying, this child is lucky to have such a determined mom.

    Reply

  29. thesinglecell
    Jun 17, 2014 @ 19:34:24

    Nov. 30 is Twin Nephs’ birthday. My sister was quadruple high risk and had had a miscarriage just a few weeks before conceiving them. I have to believe all will be well for you, as it was for her!

    Reply

  30. PinotNinja
    Jul 10, 2014 @ 23:45:49

    What? WHAT?!?!?! WHAT!!!!!

    I go on one little hiatus and you get knocked up!! This is amazing! Wonderful!

    And all of this couldn’t have come at a better time — Country Boy and I have had a rocky start to our baby journey (decades on the pill whacked out my hormones, then I had a major emergency surgery, than I ran a marathon, and now my body still hasn’t gotten its act together to be all maternal) and this was just what I needed to remind myself to just relax, trust, and keep on keepin’ on until it happens.

    Reply

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