Guest Posting over at the Happiness Project

Since my good friend and fellow blogger, Jess, is currently on an envy-inducing and dream trip to Greece, she has asked a few blogger friends to guest post for her while she is gone.  This trip is actually her pre-honeymoon, as she is due to be married in July, but the soon to be wedded couple won’t have time to take a trip after the wedding, so they decided, “hell, let’s just go before!  Why not?”  I think it’s a brilliant idea, frankly.

Since she is pending her nuptials, I thought this might be a good time to finally tell the story of my wedding day, and all the joys and pitfalls that occurred on this most special of blessed occasions.  Despite the many months of hellish planning, and my increasing devolution into a wedding planning monster, it turned out just fine on the actual day.  Until the end.  The end was not just fine.  But, you’ll just have to read all about it to find out what happened.

Visit Jess at the Happiness Project to read my guest post and hear all about the day that I became a Mrs.

bride feet

A Surprising Desire

Once I finally accepted that this whole wanting a baby thing was not just a passing whim, I realized that I was going to have to try to convince my husband to go along with this crazy plan. This scared the crap out of me. I had an inkling that he might not be quite ready to jump on board, and that it was going to take some convincing. This idea would be coming from left field and would be especially surprising, considering the source.

But if it was going to happen, it was going to have to happen soon.  I was sitting square in the middle of my late thirties, with the big 4-0 looming on the horizon.  Biologically, I didn’t have a lot of time to waste.  It was almost exactly one year since my miscarriage when I decided to discuss the topic with him.

To say that he was “surprised” would be a vast understatement.  He was almost struck speechless by my unexpected desire for another child.  He then made many valid and logical arguments against it;  our age, the cost of a child, the physical and mental strain I would need to go through, the sleepless nights, his travel schedule, the possibility of losing another baby.

I couldn’t deny any of his points.  I absolutely agreed with him on every one.  He was correct.  It was an insane idea.  Yet . . . all of that logic and reason didn’t for one second diminish the persistent and aching need that I had to have another child.  It was beyond logic.  Something I never thought I’d experience.  But there it was.

I didn’t push the issue. I laid out my arguments and then gave him time with it.  I hoped fervently that the idea would settle in his mind and start to grow in his heart.  I had made my case, and there was nothing left for me to say to try to convince him.  He would either accept the idea or reject it.

The next time the issue came up, I realized that he had accepted it.  Although hesitantly and just barely, he was on board.  So we tried.  With no success for the first couple of months.  Until I took a test at the beginning of February and saw a positive result.  This time, my reaction was vastly different than the previous time.  I was overjoyed.  Cautiously overjoyed, but extremely happy just the same.

But it didn’t last.  I lost the baby on Valentine’s Day.

I was beginning to think that it was physically impossible for me to have a baby at this point.  I could get pregnant, obviously, but both miscarriages happened around 5 weeks.  So maybe I just couldn’t sustain a pregnancy past that point.  However, although I was discouraged, I wasn’t quite ready to concede.  My goal was to have this baby before I was 40, so I figured we had a couple more months to make that happen.  So we tried again.  And I got pregnant once again in March.

But five weeks in, I started bleeding again. Just to be safe, I scheduled an appointment with my doctor that day to get it checked out. I didn’t have high hopes, but I wanted to be sure. A sonogram revealed that the baby was still alive, but there was a lot of blood flowing around it. The doctor very gravely explained to me that it appeared that a miscarriage was imminent and that I should return later in the week for another sonogram, with the possibility of a DNC to be scheduled at that time. I was heartbroken.

I waited 2 days to find out the fate of this child. Forty eight hours. Two thousand, eight hundred and eight minutes. One hundred and seventy-two thousand, eight hundred seconds. I felt every single one of those seconds tick by. It was the longest 2 days of my life.

When I returned to the doctor’s office, a nurse took my blood pressure, as is routine. She noted that it was pretty high.  “Are you nervous?” she asked.  Yeah, I think I am.  I wonder why that might be.

I happened to have the same sonogram tech perform the second sonogram. She remembered me, and I remembered how kind she had been at my previous visit, when I couldn’t stop crying after the doctor told me the news.  She had allowed me time alone in the room to compose myself, while I’m sure others were waiting to use it. I was glad it was her again.

When the images came on the screen, I saw something quite surprising.  The baby was moving.  And there was a heartbeat.  The tech very excitedly said that the heartbeat was much stronger than 2 days prior and that the blood was congealing and not flowing as much as before.  This was very good news.  I have never been more relieved than I was at that moment.  When the doctor saw the results, she was very hopeful.  She wanted me to return in a week for a follow-up sonogram, but she said that it looked good. Once I got dressed, I may have floated out of the office.  It felt like a 2 ton elephant had been surgically removed from my heart.  I’m pretty sure my blood pressure had gone down by then as well.

All of that has led me to this point.  The moment when I can tell you that I am now at 12 weeks and counting, and baby #3 is due on November 30th.

sono12wkshoes

Looks JUST like me.

Please Disregard My Most Recent Post

This is just an FYI that instead of hiding a post that has been getting ridiculous hits from the world wide interwebs, as was my intent, instead I mistakenly published it. Again. So, if you received any type of notice of a new post in your reader/email entitled “A Bronytail,” it was a mistake and I apologize for getting your hopes up that it was a new post.

I’m trying to write again. I’ll post something soon. Promise.

Psycho Killer, Qu’est-ce Que C’est?

I am married to a murderer.  You would think, as an attorney, I could have avoided getting tangled up with such a nefarious person, but apparently even I am not immune to the seductive nature of a bad boy.  In fact, I was not aware of his true nature when we met, nor even when I married him and bore his offspring.  It was not until recent events transpired that I discovered who he really is.

It began with a confession.  That’s right, he plainly and blatantly admitted his crime to me.  At first I was aghast and horrified.  How could he do such a thing?  Who was this monster I was married to?  He claimed it was merely an accident, but I could read the truth behind his eyes.  It was planned.  With malice aforethought.

The day in question, I returned to my room after being out in the warm sunshine all day, and threw my belongings on the bed.  I ran into the bathroom to take a shower before departing for dinner that night.  Little did I know, when I returned to the bedroom that afternoon, what carnage lie ahead.  Soon after, the man I so naively married all those years ago, entered the bedroom.  And while I was distracted by warm soapy water, he proceeded to commit his nefarious deed.  Once his crime was committed, he entered the bathroom and breezily informed me of his actions, apologizing, whilst showing me the remains of his victim.  “Man, I sure did crush them,” he proclaimed.  “I thought there might have been a chance to fix them, but no way.  They are goners.”

What he showed me was the broken pieces of a dear friend.  Her body smashed beyond repair.  I was heartbroken!  She had been big and bold and sassy.  I loved her so.  But now she was gone.

He says he lost his balance and fell.  A likely story that would never hold up in court in front of a jury of his peers.  Who just loses their balance and falls down, placing their derriere precisely on a person’s most treasured and loved object, resting innocently on the bed below?  The poor unsuspecting victim sitting helplessly as the weapon of her demise plummets down upon her and snuffs out her life in an instant.  Unfortunately, she probably did see it coming.

I examined the corpse, hoping there might be a way to save her.  Some last ditch effort to revive her once glorious soul.  But alas, she was beyond repair.  He crushed the life out of her when he crashed down upon her.  There was no hope.  No breath to be blown into her.  No going back.

“I’ll get you a new pair,” he blithely said.  As if that could make it all better.  Not even realizing how those words crushed my soul.  Obviously, I would need another.  I could not go without.  Not in this place, not at this time.  But she could never be replaced.  Not in my mind, nor my heart.  It would just be a new one.  That’s all it could ever be.

glasses new

The “replacements.”

We bought them from a street side cart in front of the hotel.  They will do for now.  But they will never be the same as the ones before.  My old friend.  I guess I will always have my memories of her.  And the pictures.  Of course, there’s always the pictures.

Please join me in a moment of silence as we all remember the good times . . . and miss my dear friend.  R.I.P. Sunglasses.

Her and I on the beach.

Her and I on the beach.

At Thoughtsy's wedding.

At Thoughtsy’s wedding.

At the fair.

At the fair.

We were having some fun in Disney!

We were having some fun in Disney!

My son being fabulous with my dear departed friend.

My son being fabulous on the beach with my dearly departed friend.

February is Kicking My Ass

It’s been a rough month.  You’ve probably noticed that my blogging frequency has waned as of late.  Or maybe you haven’t.  If not . . . Hello!  Remember me?  How’s the fam?  Say hi to your mom and them for me, ok?

Anyway, like I said, this month has not been the best, and it’s more than just the winter doldrums.  Although, as winter doldrums go, these have been extra doldrumy.  As I’m sure you are aware, either intimately or peripherally, it has been one hell of a freezing winter in the ole US of A.  While I am not normally a fan of cold, this winter has brought my cold aversion to a whole new level of hatred.  And, even though I’m not one to usually post pictures of temperature screenshots, I did capture a few noteworthy moments in temperature history as of late, and will share them with you here.  Oh no, don’t thank me.  You are most welcome!

tempbmore tempcar

These were a few mornings that were stupid cold.  I know some Midwesterners were routinely seeing below freezing temps and might scoff at this, but I do not live anywhere near the great white North!  This is very unusual, especially for so many days in a row.  And then there was this:

tempoc

That one pained me.  Ocean City, MD is my happy summer place.  Our family’s destination every year to enjoy a week of warmth and relaxation.  The fact that it was snow covered and below zero on this fateful morning made me so very sad.

And then there was the frozen stuff falling from the sky because of the stupid coldness.  We got some snow here and there early in the year, but not too much.  I mean, enough that my kids were constantly off and have used more than their allotment of snow days already, but not enough to really cause too much trouble.  Until the ice storm hit.  There is no messing with ice.  I actually had to call in to work and miss court because I couldn’t get out of my driveway or my neighborhood that was coated with about an inch of ice.  I don’t miss court.  But I had no choice.  We were frozen solid.  Here are some lovely pics of the ice outside of my house . . .

iceporch icetree icebush icetreelimb

But that wasn’t the worst of it.  It was the fact that everything was covered with a layer of ice . . . including the power lines.  Yep, we lost power right about the time I was calling in to work to let them know I was stuck in my house.  And now with no electricity.  Luckily, it came back on about 4 hours later, so I was able to take a shower and make dinner for the kids.  UNluckily, we lost it again later that evening as I was putting my kids to bed.  Oh, and did I mention that my husband was out of town for the entire week during which all of this excitement was occurring?  Yeah.  As is the norm.  He was out of town for the double blizzard three years ago, for the hurricane last year, and now the ice storm.  It has gotten to the point where if he is planning a long trip, I make sure we have extra batteries and that the generator is filled with gas.

Luckily, my brother in law is super rad and came over to make sure we were all ok, filled up the generator again and even brought some extra lights.  These were my favorite:

candles

Nothing like some battery operated candles to make you feel like you are living in the 18th Century.  I was expecting a visit from 3 ghosts at some point that night.  Sadly, I had no visitors.   I also had no shower the next morning when I had to actually go to work.  Sponge bath, for the win!  Thankfully, by the time I got home from work, our power was restored.  We were lucky.  There were some homes without power for many days.  Still, you don’t realize how much you enjoy electricity until you lose it for a day and a half.

Remember how I said that the few snow storms we got early in the year weren’t much?  Yeah, that all changed the week after the ice storm.  We got walloped!  It was a double, so the first wave gave us about 16″ and snow days for everyone, including me!

snowdoor snowbuilding

So, we built snowmen and played in the snow.  Luckily, a very kind neighbor came along and plowed our driveway, but I still had to shovel the front walk you see up there.  It was hard work, but felt good to get some exercise after being stuck in the house for a while.  Unfortunately, the snow wasn’t done with us and by that evening, all of my work was completely covered over with another 6″ of snow!

snowingporch

That WAS a cleared walkway a few hours before!

It wasn't done yet, but this is how high it got before I went to bed that night.

It wasn’t done yet, but this is how high it got before I went to bed that night.

Then came Valentine’s Day.  Oh VD, how I loathe thee!  My husband assured me that there were 3 deliveries set to arrive that day, although because of the weather, only 1 of those did.  So, I got my chocolate covered strawberries and mini cheesecakes (yum!), but the other 2 packages didn’t arrive until the next Tuesday!  However, I did receive these gems, so it wasn’t all bad:

vdayprez

My husband knows me so well.  I love the poster.  It is now hanging in my office.  It is much needed, believe me.  The pink softness on the right are a great pair of comfy pants that are like being ass hugged by a soft, warm blanket.  And the candle smells lovely.  It was really the perfect thing for that day.  Not too crazy or extreme, but just enough for me to know he cares.  I did eventually receive the craziness the next week, of course.  Because, he’s him and cannot be stopped.

vdayzebra vdayzebrastanding

Life sized zebra?  Check.  Huge ass roses?  Also check.  If you have been reading for a while, you might remember that he got me a HUGE stuffed bear last Valentine’s day.  If he keeps this up, I’m gonna need a bigger house just for my furry VD friends.

Around this time, I also got sick and had to miss even more time from work.  And then, when I finally made it back to work, I get a text from my husband . . . his grandfather passed away.  Not entirely unexpected, as he was 96 years old and as of late, his health was failing, but still very sad, as he was the sweetest old guy you would ever meet, always smiling and full of joy.  And, although my father in law seems to be handling it ok for the moment, with his health issues we are worried about how this will affect his current struggle through treatment.

So, after this hellish month, I am just holding my breath for no more tragedies, storms or other horrible incidents in the next week.  I just need to survive one more week, get through my impending birthday, and then finally escape from this all encompassing bitter cold and unending shroud of white and go here:

tempkeywest

I can’t fucking wait!  Now I just have to keep my fingers crossed that our flight isn’t cancelled or some other such nonsense.  Wish me luck!  I think I’m going to need it.

How has your February been?  Are you just trying to get out alive like me, or have you had an exciting and/or magical month?

In Memoriam

I just want everyone to know that there will be no post today.  I was working on something this weekend about sex scandals, et al. but I will not be posting that, nor anything else this week.  I have no funny in me right now.

My mother in law passed away this past weekend after months of hospital stays, rehabs, testing, MRIs, medications and family prayers.  She finally let go of all the pain and struggles associated with this cold, dark world, and is at peace.  Although I am not religious and am not sure I even believe in God or Heaven, if they do exist, she is up there right now, because she was one of the kindest, sweetest, most decent people I have ever met.  I’m sure she would qualify for angel status immediately.  She was a second mother to me and will be missed deeply by all that knew her.

Her and my Father in Law have lived with my family for the past 10 years in their own basement apartment.  For years, I would send the boys downstairs to see their grandparents when I got home from work so that I could get dinner ready.  She was a doting grandparent, with a kind and giving heart.  She was always there when we needed her and was a loving presence in our home.  My kids loved her so much and are going to miss getting squeezes by grandma the most.  My heart aches for their loss as well.  

She leaves behind her husband, 5 children, with 5 sons/daughters in law, 1 brother & sister in law, 12 grandchildren and 6 great-grandchildren.  She will be greatly missed by all her family and everyone who knew her.  She was a really special lady, and I loved her so much. 

Rest in Peace, Pat.  We miss you, but know that it was your time and you are finally at peace. 

I will be out of commission this week with the arrangements and viewings/funeral and then thanksgiving, but will return next week with a post on monday, I hope.  I will also catch up with all your posts at that time as well.  Hope everyone has a happy holiday.

The Freebie List

What’s a freebie list you ask? Well, you only ask that if you are not married or in a serious relationship, because I can pretty much bet all of you out there with very significant others have at some point either created or talked about a Freebie List. I will leave it to my Friends to describe it:

Chandler: Well, we have a deal where we each get to pick five different celebrities that we can sleep with, and the other one can’t get mad.
Ross: Ah, the heart of every healthy relationship:  Honesty, respect, and sex with celebrities.
Monica: So, Chandler… who’s on your list?
Chandler: Uh, Kim Basinger, Cindy Crawford, Halle Berry, Yasmine Bleeth, and, ah, Jessica Rabbit.
Rachel: Now, you do realize that she’s a cartoon… and way out of your league?
Chandler: I know, I know, I just always wondered if I could get her eyes to pop out of her head.

So, there you go.  Five celebrities that if ever the chance were to arise, you would be allowed to sleep with without your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend getting mad.  They get to make their own as well, so it’s all even.

Anyway, so even though I stated above that if you are married you have made or at least talked about the Freebie list, until just last night, the hubs and I had not created ours.  Well, I mean, not officially.  I could have pretty much named most of his, and he could probably at least guessed a few of mine, so it’s not like we haven’t talked about who we would do over the years.

Well, since we had not created ours yet, I tasked the hubs with a project.  This was the convo:

Me:  Hey, I’ve got a project for you.
Hubs:  (thinking, what chore do I have to do now?)  Oh, great.
Me:  No, this is a fun one.  I want you to create a Freebie list and then tell me who is on it.  You know what that is, right?
Hubs:  Yeah.
Me:  (just making sure) So, 5 celebrities, ok?
Hubs:  Ok.  Like 5 that I want to . . . (kids in hearing range) . . .
Me:  Do.  Yeah.
Hubs:  Ok, got it.
 
So later that evening, once the kids were all tucked in bed, I asked him who he had come up with.  He obviously had not given it any thought at all, but was pretty much able to come up with his list on the fly.  He had trouble with #5.  Here is his list in the order he gave it to me:
 
1.  Britney Spears
 
 

No hesitation on this one, and I would have guessed this right off the bat.  We have had multiple conversations about how it is a bit disturbing that he is this attracted to this dumb trashy blonde girl.  But he thinks she is super sexy.  I also assume that when he imagines her, the above Britney is the one he thinks about and not this one:

Yikes!

At least . . . I hope not.  That would open up a whole nother conversation as to his taste level and I’m not prepared to go there right now.  Let’s just assume the first Britney is the one he’s hot for and move on, ok?  Great.

2. Kelly Ripa

This one I get.  She’s kind of got that cute girl next door look to her.  The only thing is that recently, she is so damn skinny that it would be like having sex with a lamp post, and let’s just say that the hubs is not averse to curves.  But it’s his list, so whatever.

3. Alyssa Milano

This one I totally get.  She’s hot.  And I think it goes back many years as well.  Maybe even to her Who’s the Boss days.  And before you start thinking, ick, she was a teenager then . . . at that point, so was the hubs, so it’s all good.

4. Minka Kelly

(c) Yu Tsai from Esquire Magazine

This one is a no brainer.   Esquire magazine’s Sexiest Woman of the Year for 2010, dated Derek Jeter, sexy cheerleader, an Angel and hot as hell.  Basically, I’d do her.  Maybe she should be on my list?  Anyway, the hubs has thought she was super hot since Friday Night Lights, along with every other red blooded straight man in the world, so who can argue with this choice? 

Ok, now this is where he had some problems . . . at first he said Sarah Palin, but I vetoed that because it has to be a celebrity (not a fame whore), but really because if he ever slept with that dumb ho, list or not, I would divorce his ass faster than you can preciously say you betcha!  So, no to her.

Then he said Florence Leachman.  I love that even when he’s trying to be funny, he can’t even remember the name of the old broad he’s trying to joke about.  Unless he meant a manage a trois between Florence Henderson and Cloris Leachman.  Because, yeah, I can see that.  But finally, he settled on his fifth choice.  And I must say that it is a fine choice.  This one could definitely teach him a thing or 2 . . . .

5. Betty White

Her milkshake brings ALL the boys to the yard.

So, that is the hubs’ list.  I will bring you my list later in the week.  I have to go do some drooling, um, research to compile my official list.

Have you created a freebie list with your significant other?  What did they say their 5 would be?  (Save telling me about your own list for when I give you my list later this week . . . )

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