What’s a freebie list you ask? Well, you only ask that if you are not married or in a serious relationship, because I can pretty much bet all of you out there with very significant others have at some point either created or talked about a Freebie List. I will leave it to my Friends to describe it:
Chandler: Well, we have a deal where we each get to pick five different celebrities that we can sleep with, and the other one can’t get mad.
Ross: Ah, the heart of every healthy relationship: Honesty, respect, and sex with celebrities.
Monica: So, Chandler… who’s on your list?
Chandler: Uh, Kim Basinger, Cindy Crawford, Halle Berry, Yasmine Bleeth, and, ah, Jessica Rabbit.
Rachel: Now, you do realize that she’s a cartoon… and way out of your league?
Chandler: I know, I know, I just always wondered if I could get her eyes to pop out of her head.
So, there you go. Five celebrities that if ever the chance were to arise, you would be allowed to sleep with without your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend getting mad. They get to make their own as well, so it’s all even.
Anyway, so even though I stated above that if you are married you have made or at least talked about the Freebie list, until just last night, the hubs and I had not created ours. Well, I mean, not officially. I could have pretty much named most of his, and he could probably at least guessed a few of mine, so it’s not like we haven’t talked about who we would do over the years.
Well, since we had not created ours yet, I tasked the hubs with a project. This was the convo:
Me: Hey, I’ve got a project for you.
Hubs: (thinking, what chore do I have to do now?) Oh, great.
Me: No, this is a fun one. I want you to create a Freebie list and then tell me who is on it. You know what that is, right?
Me: (just making sure) So, 5 celebrities, ok?
Hubs: Ok. Like 5 that I want to . . . (kids in hearing range) . . .
Me: Do. Yeah.
Hubs: Ok, got it.
So later that evening, once the kids were all tucked in bed, I asked him who he had come up with. He obviously had not given it any thought at all, but was pretty much able to come up with his list on the fly. He had trouble with #5. Here is his list in the order he gave it to me:
1. Britney Spears
No hesitation on this one, and I would have guessed this right off the bat. We have had multiple conversations about how it is a bit disturbing that he is this attracted to this dumb trashy blonde girl. But he thinks she is super sexy. I also assume that when he imagines her, the above Britney is the one he thinks about and not this one:
At least . . . I hope not. That would open up a whole nother conversation as to his taste level and I’m not prepared to go there right now. Let’s just assume the first Britney is the one he’s hot for and move on, ok? Great.
2. Kelly Ripa
This one I get. She’s kind of got that cute girl next door look to her. The only thing is that recently, she is so damn skinny that it would be like having sex with a lamp post, and let’s just say that the hubs is not averse to curves. But it’s his list, so whatever.
3. Alyssa Milano
This one I totally get. She’s hot. And I think it goes back many years as well. Maybe even to her Who’s the Boss days. And before you start thinking, ick, she was a teenager then . . . at that point, so was the hubs, so it’s all good.
4. Minka Kelly
(c) Yu Tsai from Esquire Magazine
This one is a no brainer. Esquire magazine’s Sexiest Woman of the Year for 2010, dated Derek Jeter, sexy cheerleader, an Angel and hot as hell. Basically, I’d do her. Maybe she should be on my list? Anyway, the hubs has thought she was super hot since Friday Night Lights, along with every other red blooded straight man in the world, so who can argue with this choice?
Ok, now this is where he had some problems . . . at first he said Sarah Palin, but I vetoed that because it has to be a celebrity (not a fame whore), but really because if he ever slept with that dumb ho, list or not, I would divorce his ass faster than you can preciously say you betcha! So, no to her.
Then he said Florence Leachman. I love that even when he’s trying to be funny, he can’t even remember the name of the old broad he’s trying to joke about. Unless he meant a manage a trois between Florence Henderson and Cloris Leachman. Because, yeah, I can see that. But finally, he settled on his fifth choice. And I must say that it is a fine choice. This one could definitely teach him a thing or 2 . . . .
5. Betty White
Her milkshake brings ALL the boys to the yard.
So, that is the hubs’ list. I will bring you my list later in the week. I have to go do some
drooling, um, research to compile my official list.
Have you created a freebie list with your significant other? What did they say their 5 would be? (Save telling me about your own list for when I give you my list later this week . . . )