The Eye of the Storm

Having just gotten through the entire weekend’s coverage of Hurricane Irene, and the non-stop media reporting of the pending category 1 storm and the after effects of said storm, I found something quite jarring.  The blatant lack of self-preservation which apparently is inherent in reporters during a massive storm.  There are tons of these reporters, just standing out in the middle of this hurricane, holding a metal microphone and reporting on the storm’s effects.  The absolute disregard for their own personal safety just so that they can report an as-it-happens first hand account of the storm is absolutely ridiculous.  I just do not comprehend the thought process that goes along with this.  Does it go something like this:

News Agency Honcho:  “Hey guy/girl that wants to be a reporter!  Here’s your big break . . . take this microphone and cameraman and get on out there.  Talk about what’s happening.  Oh, don’t worry, you’ll be fine.  Here’s a parka and a hat.  Oh, don’t forget to sign this waiver and next of kin notification.  You know, just your basic stuff.  Yes, I know they have evacuated the entire city/island/shore, but that doesn’t apply to press.  Think of it this way, you’ll either be on TV or DIE.  But either way, you’ll be famous.  What do you say?”

Reporter/sacrificial lamb:  “Sounds GREAT!!  Give me that microphone.  Let’s do this!!!”

Then they stand outside, in the middle of a fucking hurricane, with no other protection but that stupid parka and sometimes a hat, which they are usually trying to hold on to their head so it doesn’t blow away, and talk about something that you could report on while standing inside looking out a window!  Sometimes they can barely stand.  They are getting blown here and there, and still they stay outside.  They are usually completely drenched, soaked to the bone.  And still, they stand outside.  They talk about the rain, the wind, the destruction, the flooding, and the fact that every other person in the general vicinity of their area has been evacuated!!  Except for them and their cameraman that is.  They are hard core.  They are true journalists.  They are idiots.

This weekend I watched as a man reported on the flooding in an area.  He stood in thigh high water while grasping onto a fence so that he would not float away.  That is dedication.  Thank god I saw that, because if you had not stood in the middle of that flood, I never would have figured out that there was water that high.  I mean, you could have shown me the water rushing by a house or car for depth, but no.  You are a professional.  By golly, you will stand in that thigh high water until it gently washes your nether regions to show us the true depth and effects of this storm!  You will hang onto a fence with one hand while holding a microphone in another to prove just how hard core you are.  You are so brave, you stupid douchewad.

There was one guy reporting in front of dunes on the beach in the dark with no electricity, with his car headlights providing the only lighting for him, while the sand and rain pounded him in the back (and consequently right into the camera guy’s face).  You couldn’t see anything, but he still stood outside reporting.  He stated that the hotel they were staying in, right beside them, had floor to ceiling windows looking out on the beach.  Still he stood outside.  Why?  Because he is a hard ass obviously.  Because for some reason there is a requirement for reporters to stand in the middle of the goddamn eye of the storm to show people how bad it is out there.  To show them that only morons would go outside during a hurricane?  Well, maybe that’s it then.

Obviously I am having a difficult time understanding the mindset of these fucktards who feel the need to stand in the middle of a weather catastrophe to “report” on the weather condition.  I do believe this is why we have windows.  Or those cameras that are mounted on buildings.  Or, just maybe, we can just look outside on our own and see that it is raining . . . and keep our asses inside!

Ok, I’m done ranting now.  But speaking of crazy people out in the rain and reporters, check out this video.  It’s pretty hysterical: 

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My My Heart Like A Kick Drum

So I have a new favorite thing.  The kick drum. 

I was watching one of those VH1 unplugged things the other night with Mumford & Sons.  I sort of dug the music, but the most notable thing was that the singer was standing there singing, playing a guitar, and at the same time he was using one foot to constantly punctuate his musical phrasing with a kick drum.  It was completely awesome. 

(Plus the lead singer was sort of hawt, in a dirty British Brendan Fraser type way.  Ok, not the point, moving on . . .)

So I have decided that I need a kick drum for my own personal life.  You know, just to use on a daily basis.  I’m thinking that as I have conversations with people, if I am also punctuating my statements with a kick drum, it would make all of my statements that much more significant and dramatic.  Not sure how I would do it while walking around though.  I think it is solely a sitting and standing during conversations sort of instrument.  But how cool would that be?

Objection!  BOOM. (Sustained!)

Hey boss, I need a raise.  BOOM.  (He knows I really mean business)

Can I have a large caramel iced latte with skim milk, please?  BOOM.  (I REALLY need some caffeine, man)

Hon, can you pick up the kids from school?  BOOM.  (This is not an option)

Stop jumping on the couch and throwing balls in the house.  BOOM. (The sound of my anger and disappointment . . . don’t make me come over there)

I need a drink.  BOOM!  (yeah, I really mean that one)

Drive your fucking car, asshole!  BOOM (probably can’t hear my drum from his car.  Note to self:  get some type of enhancement device to project kick drum sound to all the fuckwit drivers) 

Can’t you see how this is an excellent idea?  It would take any random thing I say and turn it into an EXTREME EXCLAMATION.  I love it.  And I believe that, just maybe, people would begin to Respect Ma Authori-tye!

Anyone want to join my band?