So I have a new favorite thing. The kick drum.
I was watching one of those VH1 unplugged things the other night with Mumford & Sons. I sort of dug the music, but the most notable thing was that the singer was standing there singing, playing a guitar, and at the same time he was using one foot to constantly punctuate his musical phrasing with a kick drum. It was completely awesome.
(Plus the lead singer was sort of hawt, in a dirty British Brendan Fraser type way. Ok, not the point, moving on . . .)
So I have decided that I need a kick drum for my own personal life. You know, just to use on a daily basis. I’m thinking that as I have conversations with people, if I am also punctuating my statements with a kick drum, it would make all of my statements that much more significant and dramatic. Not sure how I would do it while walking around though. I think it is solely a sitting and standing during conversations sort of instrument. But how cool would that be?
Objection! BOOM. (Sustained!)
Hey boss, I need a raise. BOOM. (He knows I really mean business)
Can I have a large caramel iced latte with skim milk, please? BOOM. (I REALLY need some caffeine, man)
Hon, can you pick up the kids from school? BOOM. (This is not an option)
Stop jumping on the couch and throwing balls in the house. BOOM. (The sound of my anger and disappointment . . . don’t make me come over there)
I need a drink. BOOM! (yeah, I really mean that one)
Drive your fucking car, asshole! BOOM (probably can’t hear my drum from his car. Note to self: get some type of enhancement device to project kick drum sound to all the fuckwit drivers)
Can’t you see how this is an excellent idea? It would take any random thing I say and turn it into an EXTREME EXCLAMATION. I love it. And I believe that, just maybe, people would begin to Respect Ma Authori-tye!
Anyone want to join my band?