My My Heart Like A Kick Drum

So I have a new favorite thing.  The kick drum. 

I was watching one of those VH1 unplugged things the other night with Mumford & Sons.  I sort of dug the music, but the most notable thing was that the singer was standing there singing, playing a guitar, and at the same time he was using one foot to constantly punctuate his musical phrasing with a kick drum.  It was completely awesome. 

(Plus the lead singer was sort of hawt, in a dirty British Brendan Fraser type way.  Ok, not the point, moving on . . .)

So I have decided that I need a kick drum for my own personal life.  You know, just to use on a daily basis.  I’m thinking that as I have conversations with people, if I am also punctuating my statements with a kick drum, it would make all of my statements that much more significant and dramatic.  Not sure how I would do it while walking around though.  I think it is solely a sitting and standing during conversations sort of instrument.  But how cool would that be?

Objection!  BOOM. (Sustained!)

Hey boss, I need a raise.  BOOM.  (He knows I really mean business)

Can I have a large caramel iced latte with skim milk, please?  BOOM.  (I REALLY need some caffeine, man)

Hon, can you pick up the kids from school?  BOOM.  (This is not an option)

Stop jumping on the couch and throwing balls in the house.  BOOM. (The sound of my anger and disappointment . . . don’t make me come over there)

I need a drink.  BOOM!  (yeah, I really mean that one)

Drive your fucking car, asshole!  BOOM (probably can’t hear my drum from his car.  Note to self:  get some type of enhancement device to project kick drum sound to all the fuckwit drivers) 

Can’t you see how this is an excellent idea?  It would take any random thing I say and turn it into an EXTREME EXCLAMATION.  I love it.  And I believe that, just maybe, people would begin to Respect Ma Authori-tye!

Anyone want to join my band?


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. thoughtsappear
    Aug 04, 2011 @ 07:50:46

    I’d like to call the bass in your band. I have no idea how to play it, but I’ll learn.


  2. lisa
    Aug 04, 2011 @ 08:50:58

    We’re already in a gang together, so why not a band? I call the triangle! Not as effective as the kick drum, but still pretty darn cool cuz it takes mad skillz to play it.

    Oh and when you’re not playing it, I’d like to borrow the kick drum to punctuate the following statements:

    Wipe your own butt! You know how to! BOOM! (said to the kid, not the hubby in case you weren’t sure)

    I am not a restaurant, you’ll eat what I make! BOOM!

    I’m tired of working with a bunch of idiots! BOOM! (I really do, I should share some stories…)

    Put your damn cart in the cart corral, you lazy piece! BOOM!

    There are others, but I figure I’ll leave it at that.

    I was also thinking we could do a Pavlov-like experiment with the kick drum. Everytime someone does something that pisses us off or annoys us you just kick the drum. You don’t even need to say anything, just… BOOM! I figure most people won’t grasp the awesomeness of it and will jump when they hear it. If they hear it enough times when doing a specific annoying thing they’ll realize they have to stop doing said annoying thing in order to not hear it. For example I’d love to do it every time my co-worker smacks her lips when eating or slurp gulps her coffee.


    • mistyslaws
      Aug 04, 2011 @ 12:23:41

      Bass, triangle, kick drum. I think we are ready!! But someone else has to sing. I mean, if we are going to be successful that is. Or maybe we’ll just be an instrumental band. Those make it big all the time!!

      Amen sister to not being a restaurant. A-fucking-men.


  3. Leauxra
    Dec 09, 2011 @ 12:07:45

    I am enjoying the image of trying to use the kick drum while driving. However, this is a brilliant idea. Implement it at once.


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