The Freebie List

What’s a freebie list you ask? Well, you only ask that if you are not married or in a serious relationship, because I can pretty much bet all of you out there with very significant others have at some point either created or talked about a Freebie List. I will leave it to my Friends to describe it:

Chandler: Well, we have a deal where we each get to pick five different celebrities that we can sleep with, and the other one can’t get mad.
Ross: Ah, the heart of every healthy relationship:  Honesty, respect, and sex with celebrities.
Monica: So, Chandler… who’s on your list?
Chandler: Uh, Kim Basinger, Cindy Crawford, Halle Berry, Yasmine Bleeth, and, ah, Jessica Rabbit.
Rachel: Now, you do realize that she’s a cartoon… and way out of your league?
Chandler: I know, I know, I just always wondered if I could get her eyes to pop out of her head.

So, there you go.  Five celebrities that if ever the chance were to arise, you would be allowed to sleep with without your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend getting mad.  They get to make their own as well, so it’s all even.

Anyway, so even though I stated above that if you are married you have made or at least talked about the Freebie list, until just last night, the hubs and I had not created ours.  Well, I mean, not officially.  I could have pretty much named most of his, and he could probably at least guessed a few of mine, so it’s not like we haven’t talked about who we would do over the years.

Well, since we had not created ours yet, I tasked the hubs with a project.  This was the convo:

Me:  Hey, I’ve got a project for you.
Hubs:  (thinking, what chore do I have to do now?)  Oh, great.
Me:  No, this is a fun one.  I want you to create a Freebie list and then tell me who is on it.  You know what that is, right?
Hubs:  Yeah.
Me:  (just making sure) So, 5 celebrities, ok?
Hubs:  Ok.  Like 5 that I want to . . . (kids in hearing range) . . .
Me:  Do.  Yeah.
Hubs:  Ok, got it.
 
So later that evening, once the kids were all tucked in bed, I asked him who he had come up with.  He obviously had not given it any thought at all, but was pretty much able to come up with his list on the fly.  He had trouble with #5.  Here is his list in the order he gave it to me:
 
1.  Britney Spears
 
 

No hesitation on this one, and I would have guessed this right off the bat.  We have had multiple conversations about how it is a bit disturbing that he is this attracted to this dumb trashy blonde girl.  But he thinks she is super sexy.  I also assume that when he imagines her, the above Britney is the one he thinks about and not this one:

Yikes!

At least . . . I hope not.  That would open up a whole nother conversation as to his taste level and I’m not prepared to go there right now.  Let’s just assume the first Britney is the one he’s hot for and move on, ok?  Great.

2. Kelly Ripa

This one I get.  She’s kind of got that cute girl next door look to her.  The only thing is that recently, she is so damn skinny that it would be like having sex with a lamp post, and let’s just say that the hubs is not averse to curves.  But it’s his list, so whatever.

3. Alyssa Milano

This one I totally get.  She’s hot.  And I think it goes back many years as well.  Maybe even to her Who’s the Boss days.  And before you start thinking, ick, she was a teenager then . . . at that point, so was the hubs, so it’s all good.

4. Minka Kelly

(c) Yu Tsai from Esquire Magazine

This one is a no brainer.   Esquire magazine’s Sexiest Woman of the Year for 2010, dated Derek Jeter, sexy cheerleader, an Angel and hot as hell.  Basically, I’d do her.  Maybe she should be on my list?  Anyway, the hubs has thought she was super hot since Friday Night Lights, along with every other red blooded straight man in the world, so who can argue with this choice? 

Ok, now this is where he had some problems . . . at first he said Sarah Palin, but I vetoed that because it has to be a celebrity (not a fame whore), but really because if he ever slept with that dumb ho, list or not, I would divorce his ass faster than you can preciously say you betcha!  So, no to her.

Then he said Florence Leachman.  I love that even when he’s trying to be funny, he can’t even remember the name of the old broad he’s trying to joke about.  Unless he meant a manage a trois between Florence Henderson and Cloris Leachman.  Because, yeah, I can see that.  But finally, he settled on his fifth choice.  And I must say that it is a fine choice.  This one could definitely teach him a thing or 2 . . . .

5. Betty White

Her milkshake brings ALL the boys to the yard.

So, that is the hubs’ list.  I will bring you my list later in the week.  I have to go do some drooling, um, research to compile my official list.

Have you created a freebie list with your significant other?  What did they say their 5 would be?  (Save telling me about your own list for when I give you my list later this week . . . )

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31 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. thoughtsappear
    Nov 07, 2011 @ 09:25:26

    I can’t wait to see your list! When Kiefer told me his list, I immediately hated every single one of them: Scarlet Johanson, Pink, Halle Berry, Charlize Theron, and I can’t remember the last one. But I hate her…whoever it is. Unless it was Betty White. I couldn’t hate her.

    Reply

  2. Kelly
    Nov 07, 2011 @ 09:27:30

    HA! When I was reading the Friends transcript, I totally could hear Chandler. Thanks for the giggles this morning!

    I’d do Minka Kelly, too. Except I have a feeling that she’s a wretched bitch and I’d want to slap her. I certainly wanted to beat the hell out of her on FNL. I think you’re safe on the first Britney photo being the one he meant. If he also had Sinead O’Connor on the list, then I’d get a little worried about his liking the crazy ass wimens. 😉

    Reply

    • mistyslaws
      Nov 10, 2011 @ 12:40:44

      You’re welcome. And yeah, I can totally see her being a raving bitch. Thanks for ruining my fantasy, Kelly!! 🙂

      That is a good point. At no time has he mentioned an attraction to bald women, so I’m hoping that he’s pro long hair and sexy, not bald and angry.

      Reply

  3. Grammy
    Nov 07, 2011 @ 10:00:02

    We’ve never made an official list, but I can tell who his choices would be by watching for the drool to run down his chin….
    1. Jennifer Anniston
    2. Jennifer Anniston
    3. Jennifer Anniston
    4. Drew Barrymore
    5. Diane Lane

    Reply

  4. Paula @ thewilyweez
    Nov 07, 2011 @ 12:05:38

    I don’t even need a top 5, I want Benicio Del Toro…and if I can have him I don’t give a crap who my husband picks.

    Reply

    • mistyslaws
      Nov 08, 2011 @ 14:46:03

      You mean you’ve never discussed with the hubs who he would want to sleep with? I think a conversation needs to be had this instant!! And if I ever see Benicio, I’ll be sure to slip him your number. He is not on my list, by the way.

      Reply

  5. Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd
    Nov 07, 2011 @ 12:17:04

    I’m often comforted by the fact that my husband tends to like short-ish brunettes, I’m short and brunette so I know he married his type. He likes his Zooey Dachenels and Natalie Pormans. But sometimes someone like Gwen Stefani sneaks in there.

    Reply

  6. lazysubculturalgirl
    Nov 07, 2011 @ 12:51:55

    The Hubs and I recently had a conversation where he said Betty White was hot while she was alive, and I said, “She’s still alive.” And he said, “REALLY?!?”

    Then we both sat there, minds blown….

    I have a hard time with the freebie list because I don’t fall in love with actors, I fall in love with characters. So I’d want to sleep with the character, and on set, etc. That’s not weird or anything, right? Right. So my freebie list would be something like:

    1) Christopher Heyerdahl, as Jack not-the-Ripper on Sanctuary
    2) Kyle Schimid as Henry Fitzroy on Blood Ties
    3) Ben Browder as John Crichton on Farscape
    4) Patrick Stewart as Captain Picard
    5) Louis Ferreira as Col. Everett Young on Stargate Universe

    I have no idea what the Hubs’ list would look like, but probably more normal than mine.

    Reply

  7. Jen
    Nov 07, 2011 @ 13:17:23

    1. Nathan Fillion in “Castle”
    2. Nathan Fillion in “Waitress”
    3. Nathan Fillion in “Serenity”
    4. Nathan Fillion in “Saving Private Ryan”
    5. Nathan Fillion in my bedroom

    I’m a woman of simple needs.

    Reply

  8. Johi
    Nov 07, 2011 @ 21:18:09

    Mine:
    1. Hugh Jackman
    2. Ryan Reynolds
    3. Hugh Jackman
    4. Ryan Gosling
    5. Gerard Butler in 300

    Husband’s:
    1. Kate Hudson
    2. Heather Graham
    3. Jennifer Anniston
    4. Kate Winslet
    5. Kathy Ireland

    *This is a fluctuating list that is likely to change when either of us watch an E True Hollywood Story on any of the above mentioned and decide that they are doughebags, see someone hotter or have more time to think about it in general.

    Reply

  9. Mandy Sched-Carter (@MandiiSC)
    Nov 07, 2011 @ 23:51:30

    OK, my husband and I don’t have lists lol but I rang him up and asked him and we went over a lot of people, the first person was a really quick answer lol, I didn’t know who she was haha, the rest I pretty much agree with are hot!!

    Rhona Mitra
    Alyssa Milano
    Elisha Cuthbert
    Amanda Righetti
    Kate Beckinsale

    Reply

    • mistyslaws
      Nov 08, 2011 @ 14:53:12

      I’ve never heard of her either. Who is she? She sounds Italian. And based on the other choices, your hubs seems to have an Italian thing.

      I love that you read my blog, then called your husband to ask for his list! That is awesome. 🙂

      Reply

  10. Becky Delport (@BexstarD)
    Nov 08, 2011 @ 00:07:28

    Do you know what. No that is not an actual question cos I’m about to tell you what. I must be the biggest ignorant whorebag on the planet for not reading your shit sooner. I mean hello mutha fucker, you’ve only been commenting on my shit since like forever!!

    Anyway I’m here now lady, & Tazer is right, you are the balls. Tanned, non hairy, juicy juicy balls (FYI those are the good scrotum just so you know) & you rule. I am now a proud member of your hip scene.

    Reply

    • mistyslaws
      Nov 08, 2011 @ 14:54:55

      I was thinking that you were being a pretty ignorant whorebag for not reading my shit. 🙂 But then you went and called me non-hairy juicy balls, which is a first, so I guess it’s all good.

      Thanks for stopping by!! (You do know you didn’t answer the question though, right? Just checking).

      Reply

  11. Becky Delport (@BexstarD)
    Nov 08, 2011 @ 00:08:27

    P.S I’m sorry for not loving you sooner. Forgive me? I will sing you that Brad Paisely song?

    Reply

    • mistyslaws
      Nov 08, 2011 @ 14:56:53

      Well, with an offer like that, I guess I can graciously and magnanimously find it in my cold dead heart to forgive your past transgressions. Just don’t fucking do it again, ok?

      I will take that song, posted on YouTube, then forwarded specifically to my email: mistyslaws at gmail dot com. Then we’re square.

      😀

      Reply

  12. Becky Delport (@BexstarD)
    Nov 09, 2011 @ 03:12:52

    Oh & my husband wouldn’t let me bang any celebrity. He’s quite possessive. Asshole.
    Do they have to be TV celebs or can they be musicians or sport celebs? Fuck it here’s my list.

    1. Gerard Butler
    2. Richard Kaui (All Black)
    3. Dave Ghrol
    4. John Cena (mainly because I want to see how big his chode is. I’m curious)
    5. Brett & Jermaine from Flight of the Concords. God dam love me a geek sandwhich!!

    His list would be.
    1. Scarlett Johanssen
    2. The puss faced ho of Supermans affections from early season Smallville fame. I’m pretty sure he used to masty over her when he was 11.
    3. Mila Kunis
    4. Scarlett Johanssen
    5. Scarlett Johanssen

    Reply

    • mistyslaws
      Nov 10, 2011 @ 12:36:05

      Sports and Musicians are acceptable, I believe. I think it’s anyone famous, i.e. in the public eye. If we’ve heard of them, I think we are allowed to do them. I don’t think “John at the coffee shop I go to” is acceptable, though. 🙂

      Reply

  13. mark @ yelling near you
    Nov 09, 2011 @ 15:17:58

    Wow, while I respect your husband’s choices they are far from mine. We don’t have proper lists developed but I know her top pick: Jake Gyllenhaal.

    Reply

  14. Trackback: MY Freebie List « Misty's Laws

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