Conversations with My 6 Year Old: Part Six

We were on our way to a birthday party at a Karate place and my son says this:

6:  I don’t like Karate.

Me:  Have you ever tried it?

6:  No.

Me:  Then how do you know you don’t like it?

6:  I don’t like anything where you have to extend your legs.

Um, you mean things like soccer, lacrosse, basketball and baseball?  Yeah, ok then.

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Chocolate is brain food.  Anything that tastes good is brain food.  Is broccoli brain food?  Yuck, NO!  How about carrots?  Well, they are half brain food . . . because I sort of like them.

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My husband, my son and I were watching football and I commented about one of the players coming off the field:

Me:  Wow, he’s pissed!

6:  What’s “pissed” mean?

Me:

The hubs:  Oh, he just made a good pass is all.

6:  No, mommy just said that guy was “pissed.”  What does that mean?

Me:

The hubs:  Oh, um.  Well.  HEY, look over at this thing over here!!

Yeah, I am an awesome mom!  Oops.

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And, in case you had any doubt that I am raising a small man . . .

6:  Why does my finger smell like poop?

Me:  What???

6:  Is it because I licked it?

Me:  I don’t know.  Just go wash your hands!

6:  Actually, it smells sort of like money.

Me:  That’s because you were just playing with coins.  Why did you lick your finger after playing with dirty money?  Go wash your hands!

Sigh.

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And now we have . . . word pronunciation with the 3 year old:

San Francisco = San Scan Skisco

(he is adamant that this is how you say it).

Oh, and Dr. Seuss’ full name, according to him is:

Dr. Merzin Suess

Yeah, I don’t know.

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Oh, and don’t forget about that little ole link up there on the top right of the page ——-^  Why, what is that?  Is that . . . a Misty’s Laws Facebook page?  Why yes, yes in fact it is.  Why don’t you go ahead and click on that little link.  It won’t hurt.  You might even kinda sorta like it!  🙂

Nothing to see here, folks. Move along.

I’ve got nothing.  Nada.  Zip.  Zero.  Zilch.  Bupkis.  Diddly.  Squat.  There is just nothing to post about at all.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got lots of stuff swirling around in the ole noggin . . . ideas, thoughts, concepts.  But I just do not have any coherency to get those things in order and write something entertaining, educational, witty or fun.  Just not gonna happen.

forecast

You know what I do have?  Excuses!  Yep, oh boy, do I have excuses.  Wanna hear ’em?  Well, here ya go:

– The dog ate my post

– My kid drew all over my post with crayon

– My alarm didn’t go off

– Really bad traffic

– I couldn’t find my keys/iphone

– I am hungover

My cat had the hiccups

– Seriously, I was sick all weekend with my head in this fog and just couldn’t find the energy or mental wherewithal to coherently write anything interesting.  Oh, and did I mention that the hubs actually drove himself to the hospital Sunday morning because he was having chest pains (he is completely fine), leaving sickie me to take care of the kids for about 10 hours.  Yeah, that was a fun day for all.

– Too much football/Restaurant Impossible to watch.  Have you seen this show?  It is my new addiction.  (Also caught a few minutes of Firefly whilst flipping through channels.  Now I can actually say that I have seen that show.  So there’s that).

– Also, my secretary passed away last week and her viewing was Monday afternoon.  It was truly disturbing because the place did such a piss poor job on her that every couple minutes her eye would start leaking, making it look like she was crying, and a guy who worked there would have to come over occasionally and wipe away the tears.  It was horrifying.  And a horrible way to remember a really sweet lady.

So, yeah.  Are you buying any of those excuses?  No?  Well, whatever, you are still not getting a real post today.  Suck on it.  I’m still feeling crappy and this is the best I’ve got, so deal with it.  You can’t fire me, I don’t work here!

Ok, fine.  How about a poll?  Wouldn’t that be new and exciting?  Too, bad.  Here’s a random poll anyway:

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So, what’s the best excuse you have ever heard and/or used?

Momma always said, “Get the Money Up Front!”

I have a confession to make.  This is my confession . . . just when I thought I said all I could say . . .  Oh, sorry.  Where was I?  Oh yeah.  Confession time.  I am an absolutely horrible self promoter.  Why?  What did you think I was gonna confess to?

I have a very hard time trying to promote, not only myself, but my blog.  I am also horrible at accepting praise.  Mostly, this is because of my horribly debilitating low self-esteem, but also because of my self-image issues.  I just never feel like I’m good enough, hence, I don’t really put myself out there.  In real life, I am also painfully shy.  Now, I have gotten over a lot of these traits over the years, and I am much more self confident than, say, teenaged Misty, but I still struggle with these issues all the time.

Despite that, I am hereby going to do something that goes against my very nature . . . I am going to whore out this blog like a high priced call girl.  Hey baby, want a date?  Oh, wait.  Maybe that’s more Pretty Woman than Heidi Fleiss.  I always get all my whores confused.

There is this award.  It is called the Bloggie.  I have heard it compared to the Oscars of blog awards.  That could be total bunk, but I choose to believe it.  It’s possible it’s more like the Golden Globes, though.  Everyone gets drunk and nobody really cares who wins.  Yeah, that sounds more likely.

It is a nominated and voted on by the public kind of thing.  There are multiple categories and you can vote for numerous blogs in each.  I went on there today and nominated a bunch of my favorites.  I plan to return when the official voting opens in a couple weeks. 

So, what I would like for you to do is to go vote for your favorites.  I am also asking (gulp), that you vote for mine.  Hey, have I mentioned how pretty you look today?  And how smart you are.  And your blog is really hysterical.  I just think you are the bestest ever!

Great.  Now I am a whore.

Obviously, only vote for me if you think I deserve it, but it would be super exciting to win that kind of accolade, especially since it’s voted on by ma peeps!  You could nominate me in the Best New Blog category (since I just started last year), or the Best Kept Secret category (since nobody but a very select few even know I exist), or even Most Humorous. 

Make sure you read the rules at the top of the Bloggies page, just above the nomination part.  You can only vote once, but you can include numerous sites on each category.  There are even categories for best European, Asian and Australian/NZ blogs (can you guess who I voted for in those?).   🙂

Anyway, please go vote.  Support the blogs that you love.  Show them that love.  Even if it isn’t me (it’s going to be me, though, right?  Right?). 

The current nomination phase ends on January 15th, so make sure you go now!

The Biggest Loser: Is this safe?

As I have previously discussed on this blog, I am a TVaholic. I love me some down time after a long day of work and kid duties, where I veg in front of the boob tube watching some show I have previously DVR’d. And as I have also noted, sometimes my 6 year old son watches some of those shows with me. It is our together time. Should I be playing a board game or something with him to enrich his young mind? Probably. I do that on occasion. But mama is tired in the evenings, and if I can spend some time with my oldest while also killing off one of the megajillion shows I have queued in ye olde DVR, that is a score in my book. I usually limit the show we watch to some sort of reality competition type show that has some entertainment value, but without vulgarity or cussing. You probably won’t be surprised to hear this, but those types of shows are extremely hard to find. So yeah, Jersey Shore and Real Housewives are out. Thus far the approved shows that I also want to watch and are ok for him as well are Dancing with the Stars and the X Factor (that second one more for him than me, really).

However, during the last season of The Biggest Loser, at the end part where they are all skinny and in shape, he caught some of the episodes and was hooked. Figuring “how bad can this be, really?” I had no problem with him watching some of those shows with me while I was watching them. But now a new season is upon us. It is the beginning of the season where everyone is extremely large and flabby. We watched the first hour of the first show of this season together. And I think that might have been a huge mistake.

Now, if you have never seen this show, the first episode is basically weight loss boot camp. The trainers get these tubs o’ lard into the gym, which most have probably never seen the interior of before, and break their spirits with lots of yelling and forced extreme physical exertion. People pass out. There is lots of puking. Falling off of treadmills. Basically, it is like some sort of warzone in that place.

Work It!!

I apparently had forgotten how screamy and violent that first show can be. So, I am watching this with my young son, and realizing that this might not be the most appropriate show for him to be watching. Did I mention there is an old dude on it this year that looks like Santa? He is there with Mrs. Claus his wife, and they are the red team. Yeah, one week after Xmas. So, this dude passes out on the floor during his workout and has to be tended to by medical professionals, while Mrs. Claus his wife looks on worriedly. Damn. This show done killed Santa and I sat here allowing my son to watch this hot mess. Parent of the year right here!

Ho Ho Oh my back!!

My original thought on this was that the show actually teaches good values. The value of being physically fit versus being a big fat lazy schlub. The value of working out and training to improve yourself. The value of teamwork and striving for goals. Seems valid, right? Well, apparently that is when you get past the first couple of Imma-kill-you-with-fitness episodes.

The other issue is that I think he might be too young to really understand or even have to deal with the concept of “overweight” and “dieting.” You see, his father and I are both overweight. There is no getting around it. We have been ever since he has known us. We have pretty much been on some sort of diet our entire lives as well. For as long as I have had children, we have never really had a family meal. Maybe a couple on rare occasions. But, because the hubs and I are usually on some restrictive diet, and usually different ones at that, I make dinner for the kids only, then the hubs and I each make our own dinner after they are in bed. My son has never known it any other way, so it is not strange to him. He is used to mommy and daddy eating separately and different foods from him.

But recently, say in the last 6 months or so, I have gotten very lax on my diet. I have gained a good amount of weight. Now, don’t get me wrong, I would still be considered “skinny” compared to the Biggest Loser contestants (at the beginning, anyway), but I am by no means within an ideal weight. So, I have resolved to get back into it, back on the wagon, so to speak, and stop munching on the noodles and chicken nuggets and pizza and mac & cheese, etc. that I make for the kiddies, and instead stick to my own boring but more nutritious foods. Salads, lean proteins, more salads, NO NOODLES!! (Damn, I love me some pasta. Sigh).

Anyway, so I mentioned something about this last week, about how I was going to start trying to eat healthier and was going to stop eating all the crap I had been eating. My son heard me and asked what this meant. Offhandedly, I said that it meant mommy was gonna have to stop eating pizza and chicken nuggets, etc. that I make for their dinners. He looked confused. It wasn’t until later that I realized I inadvertently told him that the dinners I make for him every night are “unhealthy.” Sigh. Parenting fail.

Then, fast forward a couple days later and my son is watching a show where very huge people are killing themselves trying to get “healthy.” I’m really not trying to scar my son, I swear. It’s just natural talent is what it is.

The thing is, my kids are not overweight. While I do make a lot of pizza and chicken nuggets and TONS of noodles (what can I say? They take after their momma in their love of pasta), I also make chicken and fish and turkey burgers and roasted turkey, etc. And LOTS of fruits and veggies. I also completely limit their intake of sugar and salt and candy and junk food. My kids do not drink soda. The only time they have juice is for breakfast. They have never once had a Big Mac or Chicken McNuggets (that I know of. I would kill the hubs!). We don’t eat fast food, unless you count Chik-Fil-A, which I don’t because it’s real chicken, unlike whatever processed abomination comprises the McNugget. Basically, my kids are healthy-ish. (And I am in no way making a commentary on anyone else’s parenting skills if you do in fact feed your kids Mickey D’s.  I am just trying to make the point that I at least try to limit processed, unhealthy foods for my kids.  Mostly).

But, I fear, there will be a time where their heritage and genes will kick in, and they too will be unable to escape the overweight monster. I am doing my best as a parent to instill in them good eating habits, even if it is do as I say and serve you for dinner, and not as I do when I stuff my face, nom nom nom. But, I don’t want them to have to fear this yet, or even worry about health or weight or any of that at this young age. And by watching this show, which deals solely and specifically with all of that, coupled with the badly timed mention of the diet of yours truly, I feel like I might be starting my son down the path of no return.

So, I guess my question is this: By allowing him to watch this show with me (which I will continue watching but can watch after he goes to bed), am I just spending some quality time with my son or am I scarring him for life?  Weigh in!

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By the way . . . Misty’s Laws now has it’s very own Facebook page!!  Very exciting, right?  Anyway, since I suffer from debilitatingly low self esteem, you would really make my day if you “liked” me.  Please????  Only if you really wanna, though.  No pressure or anything.  😀

Post Xmas Mall Experience

So, I had the brilliant idea to go to the mall to return a few things 2 DAYS AFTER XMAS.  Yep, me and apparently ever single other person who was off that day.  I am brilliant. My thinking was that mostly everyone would be off on that Monday, but I was sure at least some people went back to work on Tuesday, right?  Right?  Well, if the mall was any indication, apparently not.  They all went to the mall instead. Oh, goody.

Anyway, I was already there, & I wanted to take advantage of the after Xmas sales (75% off greeting cards, y’all!), so I suffered through the hordes of people and braved the jostling and waiting in lines.  I’m kinda like a saint that way. The good thing, besides trading in a couple less-than-desirable Bath & Body Works items, for double the amount of stuff (with 3 cents returned to me…..yep, I’m just that good!), was some of the crazy shit I saw whilst there. And, of course, being me and all, I documented it to share with all of you. Also saintly of me, yes?  At this rate, you’re gonna have to start fitting me for a pair of wings, stat!

Here is the first thing I saw while waiting in line to return some pants at Macy’s………dog inna purse!!!

Whatchu lookin’ at, dogface??

Now, I’m not sure if y’all see this kind of thing all the time or not, but I don’t live anywhere near L.A., so pooch purses are not a usual occurrence around here. Especially not in the mall.  I’m not understanding why anyone needs to carry their pup around with them. It’s not a child, people. Fido can manage at home for a few hours while you go shopping.

Santa?

Santa?

Two days after Xmas……Santa sighting:  incognito-like.  Shhhh, don’t tell anyone!

So.  Much.  Red!!

My next stop was Victoria’s Secret to return a sweatshirt that was too small.  Apparently, VS doesn’t actually make a size that fits my massive body, even though it was an adorably soft pink sweatshirt that I would have rocked if it wasn’t too snug.  Bummer. Anyway, it has been quite a few years since I’ve shopped at VS.  I’m an old married broad, so I don’t really need to be all sexy anymore.  So, imagine my surprise to discover that VS has actually turned into Whores-R-US!

Look, I’ve seen the Juicy pants, which I find ridiculous, but at least it is on the outside of the clothing.  The above writing is something you will only see if you are getting in a girl’s pants, and unless it says Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday……..you are wearing whore pants.  The end.

I’m not sure if this one is supposed to be saying “kiss my ass” or advocating some kissing down under, but either way, just…..no.

It’s so bad now that they are actually making undies specifically for those damn hipsters to buy?  Shameful. 

I saw this at Lord & Taylor on my way out of the mall & it made me stop short:

Please note the tall box in the middle, which says “The Love Handler.”  What the hell is that?  Some magical cream to make fat disappear?  Yeah, sure.  As if something like that exists.  Ridiculous.   Wait.  What if it does?  I’ll be right back…..

Conversations with My 6 Year Old: Holiday Edition

I asked my son what he was going to ask Santa for this year for Christmas.  This is what he wanted:

1.  Chapter books

2.  Pencils

3.  Paper

4.  A toothbrush

My son is the most adorable little dork!

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In trying to get my son to finally tell me what he wanted for Christmas, he said this:

I don’t know mom, we have EVERYTHING!

Then:

Well, what do you want, mommy?  A new TV or something?  Because if Santa brings it, it’s not like it costs any money.

Oh, if only that we’re true, my boy.  If only!

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My son was having this philosophical conversation with his father as to which reindeer was the fastest, Prancer or Comet.

He seemed to think that it was obviously Comet, because a comet is faster than a Prancer.  Yeah, I don’t know either.  But somehow it made sense to him, so let’s just go with that, ok?

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And now………with BONUS:  Conversation with my three year old:

I was playing on my iPhone while he was eating dinner, and he looked at the back of the phone & asked me:

Mommy, is your phone from Applebee’s?

How cute is he?  🙂