So, I had the brilliant idea to go to the mall to return a few things 2 DAYS AFTER XMAS. Yep, me and apparently ever single other person who was off that day. I am brilliant. My thinking was that mostly everyone would be off on that Monday, but I was sure at least some people went back to work on Tuesday, right? Right? Well, if the mall was any indication, apparently not. They all went to the mall instead. Oh, goody.
Anyway, I was already there, & I wanted to take advantage of the after Xmas sales (75% off greeting cards, y’all!), so I suffered through the hordes of people and braved the jostling and waiting in lines. I’m kinda like a saint that way. The good thing, besides trading in a couple less-than-desirable Bath & Body Works items, for double the amount of stuff (with 3 cents returned to me…..yep, I’m just that good!), was some of the crazy shit I saw whilst there. And, of course, being me and all, I documented it to share with all of you. Also saintly of me, yes? At this rate, you’re gonna have to start fitting me for a pair of wings, stat!
Here is the first thing I saw while waiting in line to return some pants at Macy’s………dog inna purse!!!
Now, I’m not sure if y’all see this kind of thing all the time or not, but I don’t live anywhere near L.A., so pooch purses are not a usual occurrence around here. Especially not in the mall. I’m not understanding why anyone needs to carry their pup around with them. It’s not a child, people. Fido can manage at home for a few hours while you go shopping.
Two days after Xmas……Santa sighting: incognito-like. Shhhh, don’t tell anyone!
So. Much. Red!!
My next stop was Victoria’s Secret to return a sweatshirt that was too small. Apparently, VS doesn’t actually make a size that fits my massive body, even though it was an adorably soft pink sweatshirt that I would have rocked if it wasn’t too snug. Bummer. Anyway, it has been quite a few years since I’ve shopped at VS. I’m an old married broad, so I don’t really need to be all sexy anymore. So, imagine my surprise to discover that VS has actually turned into Whores-R-US!
Look, I’ve seen the Juicy pants, which I find ridiculous, but at least it is on the outside of the clothing. The above writing is something you will only see if you are getting in a girl’s pants, and unless it says Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday……..you are wearing whore pants. The end.
I’m not sure if this one is supposed to be saying “kiss my ass” or advocating some kissing down under, but either way, just…..no.
It’s so bad now that they are actually making undies specifically for those damn hipsters to buy? Shameful.
I saw this at Lord & Taylor on my way out of the mall & it made me stop short:
Please note the tall box in the middle, which says “The Love Handler.” What the hell is that? Some magical cream to make fat disappear? Yeah, sure. As if something like that exists. Ridiculous. Wait. What if it does? I’ll be right back…..