At Least It’s Not Towels

This past weekend, I had the opportunity to be in the presence of greatness.  Not only in the presence of, but I was actually able to hear, see, speak to and even give gifts to the Greatness. 

Of course I am speaking of the great and powerful Oz  Bloggess!!  Jenny Lawson, aka The Bloggess, who recently wrote a book entitled Let’s Pretend this Never Happened, has been #1 on the New York Times best seller list for a full month, and has been on a book tour for the past couple weeks/months.  Her first leg of the tour was so successful, as was her book, that she added a second leg.  And that second leg just happened to have not one, but two stops in my home state.  First stop, Gaithersburg at a Book Festival, and second (and last tour) stop was in Annapolis at a Barnes & Noble. 

Once I discovered that The Goddess would practically be in my backyard, I contacted my fellow MD-er and homegirl, Thoughtsy, and we coordinated as to which day we should go stalk see The Bloggess.  We decided to go on Sunday to Annapolis. 

Thoughtsy and I both got there about 2 hours before the event, wanting to make sure we got good seats and a ticket to get our books signed (you had to have the book in hand and physically be there to get a ticket to have her sign your book).  We didn’t need to be quite so early, as there were only a small handful of people there at that point, and it only got really filled up right before the event started.  But it was good that we were early, because it gave us a chance to sit in the 4th row and we also got to chat and catch up with each other for a bit.  Always a plus!

While we were waiting for Jenny to arrive, I walked around the area and noticed that someone working at the store must have been a fan of The Bloggess and her book.  They had put a couple really cute things around the area that were reminiscent of Jenny’s blog posts and things she had mentioned in her book.  The first were the cut out puppets posted all around:

Jean Louise


Juanita Weasel




. . . Mother Fucker!

Then there were some references from her book:

Snausages and a Fork!!

Portlandia blog post call back:

And then my absolutely favorite thing that they did . . . reserved a seat for the elusive and difficult, Nathan Fillion (with twine!):

Just in case . . .

You know . . . because of all the places that Nate might finally show up and cooperate with Jenny’s insanity plea, the most likely place would be on a Sunday afternoon in Annapolis, MD.  Sure, why not?  (When Jenny saw this, she was actually quite tickled that they had this set up.  It was pretty hysterical).

So, after our dedicated and selfless waiting for the Queen of all Blogging, she finally graced us with her presence.  While we were waiting, the area had filled up to max capacity, and upon seeing the shit ton of people who had showed up for her, Jenny’s first exclamation was:

Holy Shit, there’s a lot of people!  I shouldn’t have said Holy Shit.  Especially not right next to the age 0-2 section.  Hi kids!

So, that started us off with quite a bang, wouldn’t you say?  She then warned us that if it seemed she was acting strange, it wasn’t because there was something wrong with her.  Nor had she imbibed a bit of liquid courage prior to her appearance:

I am on A LOT of drugs.  My doctor told me she had something for me that all the singers and performers and other people who go on tour, who have anxiety, take all the time.  “Is it cocaine?” I asked.  “No, it’s BETTER than cocaine!”  So, I just want you to know that I’m not drunk.

Then she began her reading.  She read the chapter of her book about almost ODing on laxatives.  And it was hella funny in the book, and ten times funnier to hear her read about her own experience.  When she got to the part about how she had taken a bunch of laxatives, and then went to get a large Frappuccino, there was giggling from the crowd.  At that point she stopped for an aside:

See?  You guys get it.  Nobody told me that coffee was in fact a laxative.  No idea.

In the chapter, she also mentioned how she tried to counteract the effects by taking a dose of Pepto, and the only thing that did was turn her tongue black.  Another aside:

I thought that happened to everyone, but people were like, “what are you talking about?”  Apparently it only turns 1 in 6 people’s tongues black.  How do I know it’s 1 in 6?  Because Pepto contacted me.  THEY WERE NOT PLEASED.

At one point in the story, she reads the part where she yells:  “I HAVE DIARRHEA.”  She commented on her reading this part out loud at B&N:

I just yelled, “I have diarrhea” in a crowded store.  The people at Starbucks over there are like WTF?  Sorry!  That probably didn’t help sales.

Once she was done reading the chapter, she opened it up for a Q&A session.  One of the first questions was why she wasn’t wearing her confidence wig . . .

I’m on a lot of drugs, so that’s my confidence wig.

Surprising even myself, I found MY OWN hand raised in the air to ask a question (I guess Jenny brings the extrovert out of me!), and asked her, “has Nathan Fillion contacted you yet?”  (My girl, Jen e Sais Quoi, would be so proud of me!). To which followed one of the greatest responses of all time, ever (what?  I’m not biased!):

No, he hasn’t.  Although, I’ve met people on the tour that work with him and they said they have asked him and he’s just like, “no, I’m just not gonna do it.”  Even though I have faith in Nater Tater, I’ve decided to focus on a more attainable person . . . Barack Obama.  I tweeted him, and was like, “hey, I’ll be in your town.  Let’s make this happen!” but no response.  Although, I did hear back from some people that work for him, and they said, “no promises, but we’ll see if we can make it happen.”  How awesome would that be??  A picture of Obama holding twine, all “what’s your problem, Fillion?”

Following the Q&A session, we all lined up to get our books signed by Jenny.  Both Thoughtsy and I had not only brought books for her to sign, but we had also brought presents!  I had picked up a card and figured, since we had plenty of time to wait, that I would be able to come up with the most perfect and wonderful things to say to Jenny in the card.  Well, while the card I got was perfect (it had Wonder Woman on the front!), what I wrote ended up as a rambling, long-winded mess.  Oh well . . . she’ll just think I’m nuts.  Won’t be the first time.

The presents I got for her were a little touch of MD.  I bought some items that she would only find in this state . . . Berger’s cookies and Old Bay.  I also got her a bottle of wine from Linganore winery, which is a MD winery.  (Also note, it is the first wine that Thoughtsy and I shared together at the Ren Fest all those many months ago.  Ahhh, memories).  And then, of course, I just couldn’t resist also getting her a bottle of Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill wine.  Only the finest for the great Bloggess!!  🙂

The line went very quick, as they were moving people along quite briskly.  It was sign, picture, see ya!  When I got to her, I asked her to sign my book and also something else.  Her handler (who was really the one moving everyone along), messed the whole thing up, but I wasn’t going to complain.  However, after I had asked her to sign multiple things, I said that to make up for it, “I have presents!!”

I gave her the bottles of wine saying, “this is booze,” to which she replied, “oh, bless you!” and when I told her one was Strawberry Hill, she said, “that’s my favorite!”  My response:  “I know.  Because I’m stalking you.”  She giggled at that.  I made the Bloggess giggle.  Score!

I then assured her that I was not actually stalking her (I’m not even sure why I said that!).   I then gave her the other part of the gifts and proceeded to get my picture taken with her, which turned out pretty well, I must say.  Although, I am a bit remorseful about the fact that I was standing that close to her and never got to touch her!  I should have asked for a hug.  But, I was close enough to smell her hair.  I didn’t, but if I was a weirdo and into that kinda shit, I totally could have.  (Actually, I told Thoughtsy that I had an idea that I would ask if she would get up and I could sit there and act like I was signing the book to her, while she was standing next to me, but that just never ended up happening.  It all moved so fast and they really were trying to get people moving through there quickly.  Oh well).

The Bloggess wrote MY name. Swoon!

So, I guess you want to see the picture of me with the Bloggess, huh?  I’ll warn you . . . it is magnificent.  I don’t want you to be all jealous of how amazingly beautiful I am, or how regal both of us look.  You’ve been warned.

Me and the Bloggess!!

I admit it . . . I doctored that photo a bit.  Jenny was not really wearing a crown.  But I thought she should have one, no?  Being blogging royalty and all.  Everything else is photographically accurate.

Oh wait!  I forgot to mention . . . she brought Copernicus!!  She’s using him as a drink holder on the tour.  I got a picture, but it’s really blurry, so not the greatest.  You can get the idea, though:

But wait!  That’s not even close to all.  I know, you are probably exhausted from this hugely long post . . . but this is for YOU!

I had previously bought some stickers from Jenny’s Zazzle store, and totally forgot I had them until I planned to go to this signing.  When I realized they were just sitting there, I thought, “maybe I can get Jenny to sign these and give them away!”  So, that is what I attempted to do.  What actually happened was a whole fluffermaroo involving her handler only wanting her to sign ONE, and me asking if she could sign each because I was planning a giveaway, and her very kindly doing it, but misunderstanding when I asked her to sign across each one, and her just signing across the whole thing.  Then she tried to fix it by signing each one on the line.  Sigh.  Anyway, she was very gracious, and it was my fault for not being more specific, but it didn’t quite end up as I had planned.  But here it is . . .

Anyway, this is what I am giving away:

One sticker, with Jenny Lawson’s signature on the LIFETIME MEMBER signature line.  Still pretty rad, huh?

The regular rules apply (do one of these things):

1.  Like my Facebook page (see all the way up at the top right of this page —^).

2.  Follow my Blog (also up up up top there on the right).

3.  Comment on this post.  Tell me your favorite part of her book.  Or tell me your favorite blog post of hers and why.  Or tell me what you would do if you met the Bloggess (something creative).  Or if you have met the Bloggess, what happened?  Was it magical?  Or . . . if you know either Nathan Fillion or President Obama . . .  figure out a way to get them to take a picture of themselves holding twine (or get the Bloggess face time with either), and let me know if you can do this!!  🙂


Check out Thoughtsy’s post about her experience with the Bloggess as well.

46 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: Let’s Pretend This Never Happened « Thoughts Appear's Blog
  2. Abby
    May 23, 2012 @ 09:00:43

    Ha! That is quite the recap! I’ll just have to live vicariously through you, as I highly doubt she will ever come to Grand Rapids for a signing. If she did, I would totally want to steal the little Juanita signs that were placed throughout that store. All kinds of awesome.

    I don’t know what my favorite part of the book was, as I read it more than a month ago and I have no memory…maybe when she finally brought Victor home to meet her parents and her dad busted out with the cougar? The way he acted like it was so normal just shows how perfect they are for each other. Anyway, the whole thing was great. I can’t play favorites.


    • mistyslaws
      May 29, 2012 @ 13:52:28

      I like to give you the FULL experience of living my crazy life!

      I think I have a new favorite every time I think about it. That book was just so full of win, I loved it all!


  3. bluzdude
    May 23, 2012 @ 09:53:42

    I’ve gotta get this book. The Bloggess kills me.

    I laughed myself silly over the whole Giant Metal Chicken post.

    “Knock Knock, motherfucker…”


  4. thoughtsappear
    May 23, 2012 @ 09:55:44

    I’ve never tried PeptoBismo. Is it wrong that I want to try it now to see if my tongue will turn black?


    • mistyslaws
      May 29, 2012 @ 14:51:20

      I’m one of the one in sixes. Let me tell you, your tongue is not the only thing that turns black. Basically, everything inside you turns black. I’ll just leave it at that.


  5. Jayne
    May 23, 2012 @ 10:12:46

    Embarassed to say that I don’t have the book. But it’s on my to-do list. I DO know who Jenny is. You were in great company.

    BTW, did I miss a post? Who won the iPhone cover giveaway???


  6. Leauxra
    May 23, 2012 @ 12:49:01

    I am SO jealous-sauce. The Bloggess never comes within 500 miles of where I live. Really? Doesn’t she know Colorado is a fun state? She could TOTALLY go do a book signing at the Stanley Hotel in Estes Park and try not to fart at the ghost tour again. I don’t know what her problem is. Also, the Stanley is a 40 minute drive from my house.

    I wish I could get a picture of Copernicus strangli… er, HUGGING me.


  7. Brett Minor (@brettminor)
    May 23, 2012 @ 12:51:57

    I haven’t gotten to read the book yet. Red is going to loan me hers.

    I want to do a handstand and have her hold my feet.


    • mistyslaws
      May 29, 2012 @ 14:53:54

      She’s going to relinquish that sacred tome? Wow, she must really like you! 😉

      Excellent idea. I hope you get a chance to meet her one day. I would love to see this.


  8. Kitten Thunder's Girl
    May 23, 2012 @ 13:20:30

    I will never get to meet The Bloggess because I live in the biggest town in Wyoming and we have 50,000 people – all of whom, I’m guessing, would not show up to a book reading. This may be the first and only time that I am sad about Cheyenne’s size.

    However, every bloggy friend I have seems to live near a tour date so I live vicariously through you all.

    Also, I bought the book but accidentally bought the e-book instead of the book on tape. I do not have an e-book reader. I can not bring myself to pay for the book again in a format that I can read. Yet.

    So Jenny Lawson has brought me to a rare Eff Em Ell situation.


    • mistyslaws
      May 29, 2012 @ 14:56:49

      Hmmm, that is a conundrum. Do you know anyone with a Kindle that you could borrow? Or maybe they rent them at your library? There has got to be a way for you to read it without having to spend any extra money. Maybe they even have the book on tape AT the library? I hope you find a way. It is so good.


  9. gojulesgo
    May 23, 2012 @ 13:49:19

    OMG. Thank you for the incredible recap! I just was at Thoughtsy’s blog and I had so many questions (which somehow pushed their way past the jealousy)! And thank you for posting the pic of you two – I was hoping you would! That part about Pepto contacting her is HILARIOUS. Hooray for Misty for asking a question AND thinking of her readers! Speaking of…

    You know I want a sticker!!! I just finished the book this past weekend. My favorite part -dang this is hard- might have to be when she gets on the plane with Jean Louise and asks the stewardess if her son can see the cockpit. I can’t stop giggling about that. Then again, the whole unfortunate incident with burying her dog is pretty spectacular. (And to make THAT spectacular takes talent!)


    • mistyslaws
      May 29, 2012 @ 14:58:45

      Well, you know I live to serve my readers!! And how could I deny everyone the beauty which is my stunning mug? 😉

      Oh, the dog part. Sad, poignant, but also completely ridiculously hilarious as well. I don’t know how she does it. That’s the sign of a truly gifted writer.


  10. Danielle Charlton Geer
    May 23, 2012 @ 13:51:10

    I actually downloaded the book last night on my spankin’ new Kindle (since my original one sadly passed away last week) and I intend to spend the weekend reading it whilst ignoring my husband and his family, whom I’m forced to visit throughout Memorial Day Weekend. (Mad props to me for my I don’t give a fuck attitude.)

    I’m sure the whole book will be my favorite part. For real.

    And I have to say my favorite blog posting of the Bloggess is the one where she pissed off the world by posting a limerick about sugar causing diabetes. Priceless. Seriously.

    Because that’s something I would totally do, as I’m also lacking a filter.

    Unlike me, though, she didn’t give a fat rat’s ass that people were offended. Which is why she’s my hero and I want to be exactly like her when I grow up.

    Also, my darling… YOU LOOK STUNNING.

    I’m in serious envy of your mustache. I’m pretty sure that’s what mine would look like if I’d just quit waxing the damn thing.


    • mistyslaws
      May 29, 2012 @ 15:01:12

      So, did you finish it? Didja? Didja? Was it as spectacular as I said?

      Oh, the diabeetus post and the fantastic backlash! I loved that one as well.

      Awww, you should stop shaving. Then we can be twinsies! We can both get string bikinis, pose provocatively with our fat rolls and sexiness and hairy lips and post that shit all over the interwebs!! We’ll be famous. 😉


  11. Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd
    May 23, 2012 @ 16:17:45

    I could have met her, but I had a complete moving-related meltdown and couldn’t bring myself to brave the crowd. I’m lame like that.

    I’m not quite done with the book but my favorite chapter so far is the one about Jenkins the non-quail.


    • mistyslaws
      May 29, 2012 @ 15:02:56

      Oh man! I was for sure you had gone to see her in Atlanta!! I think I even commented on her site something about, “I know a certain Carrie who will be stalking you today” or something. Bummer! What happened? Was it really just anxiety related? I am so sorry.

      Ha! You mean the turkey that follows her to school? Yeah, that was great.


  12. red
    May 23, 2012 @ 17:31:28

    Yeah right. “favorite part”…of the BEST BOOK EVER! I know what I would do if I met her, though. (because I went to a Christopher Moore booksigning.)

    I would get my picture taken with her, but stand arm’s distance apart FOR FEAR OF SETTING MYSELF OR HER ON FIRE! Because my brain would go to mush.

    Also, I have discovered, since I do not swear, that where others say “Oh my god” I shall henceforth say “Oh my bloggess!”


    • mistyslaws
      May 29, 2012 @ 15:04:30

      Wow. I didn’t know you had the power to start fires with your mind!! That is a super rad talent. And now I am really glad I didn’t piss you off either time we met. 😉

      Rumor has it that you are actually going to relinquish said book and share with your current fiance? Care to comment on this accusation??


  13. Jaime
    May 23, 2012 @ 19:20:55

    my favorite part is about her pet raccoon and how she thought it had OCD ..and was found cleaning the soap obsessively… I snorted so hardcore with that one.

    oh and I’m super jealous you got to meet her … I doubt she’ll be coming to Canada.. 😦


  14. thesuniverse
    May 23, 2012 @ 21:26:31

    I am 70 kinds of jealous that you had such a great interaction with The Bloggess. I’m debating going to Chicago to see her. ROAD TRIP!


  15. Vesta Vayne
    May 23, 2012 @ 23:01:26

    I LOVE that you brought her Boone’s.


  16. cornfedgirl
    May 24, 2012 @ 07:54:46

    Leave it to you to bring her a gift basket. You’re the sweetest thing ever. And I totally want you to email me the unedited picture of the two of you. 🙂
    I am ashamed to say that I have yet to purchase the book! Argh! It is on my to-do list, right after “Win sticker” and “world peace”. 🙂


    • mistyslaws
      May 29, 2012 @ 15:12:13

      I AM the sweetest thing ever!! 😉

      You must buy that book immediately!! None of this waiting for world peace, crap. That might not happen for a full month or so, and this needs to be read TODAY. Get on it, girl.


  17. Becca
    May 24, 2012 @ 16:27:41

    I’m so glad you’re up to your old blogging antics and that you had a chance to meet Jenny! She once wrote a post about seeing a lost dog flier at her local coffee house. It was so funny I felt required to leave a sassy comment, which sparked further sassy comments, and a whole side debate. Her readers are the best and for the most part I’m literally laughing out loud when I read her, much like when I read you. 😉 Glad you’re back on the horse…


    • mistyslaws
      May 29, 2012 @ 15:14:41

      Wow, you are like a celebrity and shit, girl.

      Wait, did you just compare me to the Bloggess? Well hell, now I’m all verklempt!

      Thanks, babe. I seem to be up and down on that damn horse. It’s like a merry go round. Up and down, round and round. I’m getting dizzy.


  18. Jillian
    May 24, 2012 @ 22:58:26

    I could not possibly choose a favorite part of that book. Ok, actually it was when she emailed her high school principal about artificially inseminating cows. Or when her “pet” turkey followed her to school. Or when she couldn’t properly sit on the couch while meeting Victor’s parents. Whichever it is, I have loved reading your complete narrative of seeing Jenny, because I am ridiculously jealous and would have memorized the whole thing had I been there too!


  19. Steph
    May 31, 2012 @ 01:21:29

    Okay, so I’m tickled to have found your blog after tripping onto multiple fabulous fellow “bloggesses”… (although Jenny is the original of course). I’m currently smack dab in the middle of reading her book (my mother’s day present from hubs) and so far the Great Turkey Shit Off of 1983 is neck and neck with her arm being up a cow’s vagina. I thought I had a whacked childhood-pffft! LOVE her.
    Also- the NF thing- you’ll never believe this one… my best friend’s sister in law is Nathan’s optometrist. So whenever he does shows requiring weird contacts, (such as one of the most recent Castle episodes with the Zombies) guess who fits him? My best friend is obsessed with him and spent quite a bit of time talking to him in her sister in law’s office one night while he was being “worked on” for the episode. She also got to work the set for that episode. Since she’s got “connections” with him, I might just have to point out this whole Bloggess/NF thing to see if she’ll bring it up to him.
    Anyhoo- glad to have found you, you’ve got a new stalker.
    PS Is the sticker thingy still up for grabs? Would love to win it!


    • mistyslaws
      May 31, 2012 @ 11:55:59

      Steph! Welcome to my crazy world. I am so glad you stopped by. Can I ask . . . how did you happen to find me?

      I am still doing the giveaway. I will draw for it next week. You are SO in, girl. 🙂

      That is interesting that you have a connection to Nater Tater. I have a friend by the name of Jen, who would love to be your best friend right now. Actually, she would love to be your best friend’s sister in law’s best friend, but she would probably take what she could get. She is kinda obsessed. In what area does this optometrist practice? I don’t even know if they are in LA or Montreal or what.

      Oh, and stalk away. I love fresh meat, er fresh faces around my blog!! 😉


      • Steph
        May 31, 2012 @ 16:34:47

        Hey! That’s EXACTLY how I found you! Through Jen! And I found HER through Jenny’s comment string… round and round we go LOL.

        I did notice Jen’s obsession with Tater Tot and it made me giggle because I’ve been catching up on Castle via MY obsessed friend’s DVD collection, and reading “Let’s Pretend…” every day. (Although it doesn’t sound like it, I do other things too, besides just those 2 things. That would be quite the life though, eh?)

        To answer your question about where it was- her office is in Sherman Oaks, so yeah, near LA. He lives close to there but I’m not giving out any further info than that. Despite the fact that your Jen may try to black mail me ;0)

        Anyhoo- thanks for answering me back! Check out my blog too if you get a chance. Jen’s been visiting it and making comments that are crackin’ me up. You 2 are just the kind of peeps I could hang with, fo’ sho’. :0)


        • mistyslaws
          Jun 01, 2012 @ 20:59:53

          Ha! Yes, Jen and I are completely awesome and rad to hang out with. We haven’t actually DONE it yet, but I’m assuming it would be epic to be with both of us at the same time. I fear for the continued existence of New York after August! 🙂


  20. Jo
    Jun 03, 2012 @ 12:24:17

    I am so jealous! Not only did you get to meet the Bloggess, but the picture of the two of you is so BEAUTIMOUS!!!


  21. Trackback: The Year of Living Dangerously « Misty's Laws

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