Hide and Seek

Every once in a while, I get bored curious, and I review my search terms.  These are words that people out in the vast interewebz type into a search engine, and then those words somehow lead them to my blog.  Quite a few of them make perfect sense, either my name or some search term relating to a specific blog post.  Then I get more general searches that land at my site because I have talked about that subject.  The most common of those is:  “Leggings as pants.”  I get that one a lot.

But every once in a while, when I review my recent search terms, I will come across some truly bizarre phrases.  Phrases that have nothing to do with my blog, or at least do not seem to logically connect to the phrases or substance of my blog.  Here are some of the strangest ones I’ve seen recently:

sleep step by sister

I don’t even know what this phrase means or what exactly they were looking for.  I especially have no idea how it could have anything to do with my blog.  But there it is.

i’m the crazy aunt everyone warned you about

Now, it is true that I am an aunt.  In fact, I am even a great-aunt.  And it is also true that I might just be a wee bit crazy.  But why would this search term find me?  And why are you out there warning people about me, oh dear searcher?  Don’t you appreciate the element of surprise?  If you warn them, how will I sneak up on them and scare the bejesus out of them, hmm?  Did you think of that, searcher?  No.  No, I don’t think you did.  Try to be more forward thinking next time.  Sheesh.

Why is it illegal to have sex with students over 18

I’m guessing this came about because of my post about that female teacher who had sex with a bunch of underaged students and how the hubs and I had a conversation about whether it is “wrong” or not (recap:  Him = nope / Me = yep).  But this question, and the fact that it is being asked on the interwebz, is just creepy.  I can just imagine some middle aged horny slimeball teacher wondering why it is he can’t have sex with that 19 year old coed in his Health Studies class.  And if you have to ask . . . just step away from the college student, my friend.  And put the peener back in it’s holster.  Creep.

shower leggings

What?  Oh hellz no!!  Please tell me that these things don’t actually exist.  Why on earth would you want to wear leggings in the shower, anyway?  Isn’t the point to basically be naked?

how not to wear cowboy boots and shorts

Um, just don’t?  You’re welcome.

(I do kinda love that my intense disdain for the cowboy boots/shorts look is infamous on the net!).

celebrate with see thru cloth

Please don’t.  I’m begging you.  My poor eyes have seen enough.  Have a drink instead, ok?

blake sheltons fridge

While I have blogged about Blake Shelton before, I really don’t know what he keeps in his fridge.  Unless that’s some euphemism for something else.  If so . . . carry on, searcher.  Get yours.

See thru asian

Is this some sort of super hero?

backhanded compliments examples

Oh sweetie, your haircut is adorable!  Really takes the focus away from the large pores on your face.

Those leggings are so stylish . . . and they really accentuate your dimples.

Your son is just so energetic, which is great because he might actually have a chance to get into college with a sports scholarship.

Like that? 

see through nipples

Is this a thing?  Are there people out there that have completely translucent nipples?  And why on earth was this searched for three times and landed the searcher on my blog?  Weirdness.

a candybar named motherfucker

This one was also searched for three separate times, and somehow brought the searcher to my blog.  I’m not sure what they were after, or if there is actually a motherfucker candy bar being sold, but if so . . . I need one.  I’m not sure it would taste delicious, though.  What does a motherfucker taste like, anyway?  Hmmm, I might need to do some searching now.


Any strange searches that have led to your blog?  Anyone ever tried a motherfucker candy bar?  Is it good?  Can I try it?


58 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson
    Sep 12, 2012 @ 09:58:03

    Apparently head lice — specifically, the fear of head lice — will get you to my place. It gets more hits weekly than any post I’ve ever written. And I wrote it back in 2010,

    Meanwhile, I was at an art festival last weekend, and I soooooo tried to take a stealthy picture of a girl in cowboy boots and denim jeggings with the craziest neon top I’d ever seen. And. And.

    She was wearing a beret.

    It was bad.

    I have new respect for your mad picture taking skillz. I choked.


    • mistyslaws
      Sep 29, 2012 @ 14:19:18

      I did a post about the appendix and not knowing what side it’s on. In the post, there is a picture of internal organs. I get the most searches for that picture/post every single week. It was over a year ago. But it’s apparently the go to for that type of info on the web.

      You have failed me, danielsan. :p


  2. wcdameron
    Sep 12, 2012 @ 09:59:32

    “Nipple piercing rejection”, “Animals I can kill with my hands sweatshirt” and “ttttttttttttt”

    I have no idea..


  3. Whoa! Susannah
    Sep 12, 2012 @ 10:03:43

    I just did a post on this last week. I had some real freakshow searches. Hamsters pooping glitter and everything. The see thru Asian had me giggling pretty hard. Oh, and a motherf-er candy bar is one that you eat when you’re out of Snickers, bc when I’m out of Snickers, I shout “motherfucker.”


  4. thoughtsappear
    Sep 12, 2012 @ 10:11:27

    Somebody get me and Misty that candybar. STAT!


  5. ifUseekAmy
    Sep 12, 2012 @ 10:13:09

    The most popular search phrases for me are “girlfriend vs wife material” or some string of words that contain “babysitting”. But in the past couple months I’ve gotten “in her ass”, “girl big wet ass”, “shorts ass 2012”, “female ass kicker”, “bare buns”, “mini ass hanging out” <= see a pattern? All because I posted a picture of a girl with her ass hanging outta her running shorts. Oy vey.


  6. -Vince
    Sep 12, 2012 @ 10:41:26

    I haven’t read the whole post, yet. But this is too good not to share right away:


  7. Leauxra
    Sep 12, 2012 @ 11:05:57

    My most interesting one at the moment is:”photos of cats in school”

    While an interesting idea, it is not something I have ever written about. This is a huge improvement, as my #1 most common search item for the last year or so has been “boobs blogspot”. That’s what I get for titling ONE POST, “Boobs”.

    And I’m with you and Thoughtsy. I need a Motherfucker Candybar.


    • mistyslaws
      Sep 29, 2012 @ 14:31:53

      Oh god. Now I’m picturing cats dressed up in school girl outfits, and I am so disturbed that someone is actually searching for that.

      If I ever find it, I will share with you guys. I will expect the same from you. 🙂


  8. mark
    Sep 12, 2012 @ 11:48:23

    I’ll keep my eyes peeled for that see thru asian. Something tells me that’s gonna be tough to find. Perhaps a reward of the candybar for whoever finds the see thru asian?


  9. bluzdude
    Sep 12, 2012 @ 11:48:45

    I do posts like this every so often, because some of the search hits I get both tickle and bewilder me.

    Like, I’m a dude, right? And I did one post that mentioned another post I read about a woman that sells hand-made, reusable tampons. (She offers them in various colors, including Steelers colors. So I said, “That gives a whole new meaning to ‘bleeding black and gold.'”)

    So, one stupid post and I’m under siege with tampon searches. In fact, I just jotted a few down recently…
    “Fishing with a tampon” (For WHAT? Sharks?)

    “Cat tampons” (Is that really necessary?)

    But it’s not all tampons… I got one the other day for “Lunch Cock.” WTF is that?

    People are weird.


  10. Steph
    Sep 12, 2012 @ 12:28:49

    Okay, so let me just say first off, thank you for writing about this because I have contemplated writing my own blog posting about whacked phrases that lead people to my blog.

    The internet brings out the weirdos for sure.

    Just for the record: I talk about resumes. And BAD resumes at that. (Thank you for reading too Misty as I’ve seen your comments- squeee!)

    So here’s a short list of my odd hits:
    I once talked about Spongebob and that got me 1,000’s of hits, but my most popular, all time favorite is Waldo. You know, from Where’s Waldo? That sucker gets me hundreds every WEEK and I wrote about him a very long time ago.

    The other thing that gets them to my blog is by typing in “self control owl”. WTF? I don’t get this. It’s a recurring issue, and I must have used an owl pic a LONG ass time ago, but who the hell, REPEATEDLY types in “self control owl” into the search engine?


    • mistyslaws
      Sep 29, 2012 @ 14:38:54

      Maybe the “self control owl” is someone’s spirit animal that they are desperately searching for?

      Oh, and please know that I still love you, but can’t comment on any blogger sites from my iPad recently, for some reason. Sorry!


  11. Don't Quote Lily
    Sep 12, 2012 @ 12:43:24

    See through asians and see through nipples, who would have thought? I hope I start getting more interesting search terms. People are…interesting, to say the least. 😉


  12. Mandi
    Sep 12, 2012 @ 14:18:38

    “And put the peener back in it’s holster” Best comment ever. I will be typing this into search engines now to deliberately make it link to your blog because I think people need to see this.

    My craziest search term was something about skull fucking unicorns or something. It sounds like something I would say, only I can’t remember actually making the comment.


    • mistyslaws
      Sep 29, 2012 @ 14:43:01

      Yeah, you probably spewed that gem at some point. 😉

      Thanks for helping perpetuate the weirdness of people’s searches for my site. I knew I could count on you.


  13. Seraphinalina
    Sep 12, 2012 @ 14:58:41

    I was having a similar thought today. The top hits are for dress forms which makes sense, hell I googled various things researching what dress form to buy (still have analysis paralysis on that front). But the strangest ones…
    used smelly womens panties
    can I go swimming if I’m taking Fragmin (Fragmin is a blood thinning drug)
    the back in two pieces (which could make sense in a sewing context but sounds weird on it’s own)
    I don’t have any in the daily/weekly top 10’s but I’ve posted on sewing bras and that’s resulted in a few strange search terms. I really should make notes on them because the one off’s are just… odd. I’m sure the used smelly womens panties person was a little disappointed with talk of sewing underwear.


  14. Kitten Thunder's Girl
    Sep 12, 2012 @ 15:06:30

    I am a well known expert on how to build a fort. No matter what material you choose to use or for whom the fort will be built.

    But the most disturbing search on my blog is “‘sick, twisted’ person left kitten hanging from tree video.” Um. Yeah.

    And, I find this one really weird, someone finds my blog by searching for the exact title of my blog posts. I’m guessing someone who has a computer or cell phone that disables links so they just google my titles.


  15. Kitten Thunder's Girl
    Sep 12, 2012 @ 15:07:10

    Do you ever put your search terms into google to see how high up you rank in those searches?


    • mistyslaws
      Sep 29, 2012 @ 14:52:02

      I never thought to do it, until I read this comment. When I searched for these, it just brings up this post. When I search for new ones, I couldn’t find my blog, and I went deep through them.


  16. prttynpnk
    Sep 12, 2012 @ 18:52:18

    ‘Heidi klum in diapers’ ‘dachshunds naked wiith Dita ‘…..hey, can I get my motherfucker without nuts?


  17. mychaoticbubble
    Sep 12, 2012 @ 20:07:21

    What, you’re telling me you didn’t think Jessica Simpson in Dukes of Hazzard in cowboy boots and denim shorts wasn’t hot???? LOL I thought she was haha. 🙂


  18. hiddinsight
    Sep 12, 2012 @ 20:17:20

    ooooo I like this game!

    I just checked…and this got me going:

    “and that’s what its like having a penis”


  19. Jessica
    Sep 13, 2012 @ 00:29:20

    I think the weirdest one on my list is “teenage boy cakes with photo.” What?! Doesn’t exactly come close to “see through nipples,” but I thought it was strange.


  20. Brett Minor (@brettminor)
    Sep 13, 2012 @ 11:00:02

    If I came across that candy bar, I would have to buy it. This link is the closest I could find.


  21. Go Jules Go
    Sep 13, 2012 @ 12:12:11

    Wow. Remind me NEVER to go head-to-head with you in any sort of backhanded compliment battle.

    Who knew the world at large was so interested in transparent body parts?!


    • mistyslaws
      Sep 29, 2012 @ 15:14:02

      You’re the only one who mentioned that. I didn’t think they were that good. But thanks!

      There must be some sort of underground see through body part world that we aren’t aware of. Just not sure how they hit upon MY blog searching for them.


  22. Vesta Vayne
    Sep 13, 2012 @ 12:36:52

    A candybar named motherfucker? That is hilarious!

    I looked at my stats for top search terms of all time – ‘is camel toe bad?’ is in the top 10 (and yes, it is – geez, who doesn’t know that?). Number three on the list is ‘ass lady’. I really don’t know who this Ass Lady is, but she must be hella pissed my blog is diverting her traffic:)


  23. madtante
    Sep 13, 2012 @ 12:41:56

    ‘how not to wear cowboy boots and shorts’

    No wonder they were googling/ searching … there’s NO way to not wear cowboy boots and shorts!


  24. Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd
    Sep 13, 2012 @ 16:56:06

    Now with this post you’re only going to lead more see-through motherfucking candy bar searchers to your blog. Or maybe that’s what you want you evil genius.


    • mistyslaws
      Sep 29, 2012 @ 15:18:06

      After you said that, I thought, “oh, damn! She’s right!” But so far…..no.

      I would love if someone started sending me those candy bars, though! 😉


  25. Valerie
    Sep 13, 2012 @ 22:01:20

    HAHAHAHA!!! See thru Asian?!? Man…

    I love looking at mine. I’m gonna have to start keeping a list. I have one on there now that says “cow dispensing chocolate milk”. Which is weird… Cuz… I hate chocolate milk.




    • mistyslaws
      Sep 29, 2012 @ 15:20:02

      You….you HATE chocolate milk? I knew you were strange, but damn girl, that’s a whole new level of bizarre. I don’t……I don’t even think I know you anymore.



  26. Kim
    Sep 16, 2012 @ 19:40:11

    I’m guessing the see thru Asians have see through nipples?


  27. red
    Sep 21, 2012 @ 07:46:42

    Hey, you can only hope that all the “leggings as pants” searchers found your weekly whacked and were dissuaded from that idea.


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