Weekly Whacked: Retail Ridiculousness

This very special edition of the weekly whacked will focus on some of the absurd things that I have encountered in stores and other varieties of tangible items that are just a little bit . . . WTF.

Bubba cola . . . Refresh the redneck thirst in y’all.”  

Bubba cola . . . The official drink of Hillbilly Handfishin.”

This is a pregnancy test . . . for sale at the checkout line at The Dollar Tree.  Yep, that’s right . . . the determination of whether or not you are with child will be made by a test that costs one whole dollar.  Grab it on your way out, along with that pack of gum and air freshener!

Also in the checkout line at the Dollar Tree . . . at home Marijuana drug test.  Side note:  the hubs just happened to be in this same store about a week after I took this picture, and thought it would be funny to buy this for me.  Oh hubs, you obviously have not been paying attention.  Have I seemed laid back and all “chill out, dude” and spaced out to you?  Not so much.  Having the munchies?  Yes, always.  But the angry, short tempered, highly stressed lady living in your house could actually use some ganja, rather than the need to be tested for it.

I love this liquor store.  Every time I walk by, they have a different quote or saying on this sign.  They definitely get points for creativity.

BY LAW, people.  They are serious about their temperature control.  You will not get colder beer, unless you are one of those lawless hooligans that go to underground beer chiller black market dealers.  What are you, heathens?

Also from the Dollar store (sensing a trend, hmmm?), is probably the worst musical recording in the history of musical recordings.  This is not even worth a dollar.  What a rip-off!

I just find something inherently wrong about peanut butter and jelly flavored vodka.  The flavors are out of control people!

I feel as if I will never comfortably sleep in a seat again, without this marvel of technology.  Available only in SkyMall, people.  Next time you fly, order up a couple and carry them around with you as you travel.  So handy!

These “pants” were lacy and translucent and actually for sale in a myriad of colors in a real store.  This is what’s wrong with society.  These things were just hanging there, innocent as can be, perpetrating the illusion that they are an article of clothing to be worn on your body.  Sigh.

These were sold in the same store.  Shockingly, not The Hootch Hut or Strippers R Us.

“Sexy Mother Pucker.”  While the name is hilariously creative, I don’t really get this stuff.  It’s supposed to pump up your lips?  With “lipswell” and “superfill?”  So, this is like some sort of faux collagen or something?  Weird.


Seen anything bizarre or kooky in stores lately?


41 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Don't Quote Lily
    Oct 12, 2012 @ 08:45:01

    Haha. I knew right away that the pregnancy tests were from Dollar Tree. (Used to work there.) It amazes me every time I see them. It’s so sad that people actually buy them. We tested one on water once…the water was pregnant.


  2. Vesta Vayne
    Oct 12, 2012 @ 09:24:14

    Hee! Let me guess, the pregnancy tests were right next to the 20-pack of condoms, right?


  3. JM Randolph
    Oct 12, 2012 @ 10:18:43

    Hey. I have those shoes. But not the pants. I just spent fifteen minutes trying to find the off brand of whipped cream that they have at my grocery store, but apparently I’m actually going to have to go out there. You’ll like it.


  4. madtante
    Oct 12, 2012 @ 10:49:38

    I’ve never liked stripper shoes. I understand they’re popular. Somebody I know and otherwise respect brags about hers making her 6 inches taller…I don’t get it. I’m 5’2″ and I draw a line.


  5. foxydork
    Oct 12, 2012 @ 11:31:28

    Where the hell is this dollar store??!! I MUST go! Too much awesomeness… Ever tried any of that lip swell type shit? I did. I tried the Sephore Viper, or Cobra, or whatever the hell it’s called. Some hideously apt name, my mouth swelled alright, so did my chin, and both were red as hell and on FIRE! yeeeah. Sexy. Mother. Pucker.


  6. Jen
    Oct 12, 2012 @ 11:35:38

    Did you know that you can also buy pregnancy tests at CostCo in three packs? If you’re buying these in bulk you may want to consider putting a gate around your lady garden for a while, ho/


  7. Todd
    Oct 12, 2012 @ 11:50:43

    I love that “Chinese Democracy” is only a buck now. It was such a big deal when it finally came out a couple years ago. I think there’s a lesson there. Sometimes, say, around the 20-year mark, you need to admit to yourself, “This just ain’t happening” and move on.


  8. hiddinsight
    Oct 12, 2012 @ 14:35:31

    I’ve totally tried this lip stuff. It makes your mouth burn like fire. And then…you don’t even need color because they are also (ta-da!) the craziest shade of red. I don’t recommend it. But when I’m mad at my husband, I think about putting it on and offering him a bj.

    BTW…those shoes didn’t happen to be…on sale…did they…?


  9. Andrea
    Oct 12, 2012 @ 14:44:26

    I think it is super swell to be able to get 4 candy bars AND the pregnancy test for $5…people may need that candy! They were giving away samples of cotton candy vodka at the liquor store nearby…cotton candy shouldn’t burn! Those, um, pants? No! I thought that last one was “man” shaped lip balm, but I see now it something far more sexy/sinister! Eek!


    • mistyslaws
      Oct 18, 2012 @ 20:54:11

      Well, if you are pregnant, you are probably gonna need some chocolate.

      Where on earth is this liquor store giving away free booze? I’m booking my trip right now!!


  10. Kitten Thunder's Girl
    Oct 12, 2012 @ 15:42:04

    I’m okay with people who want to wear high heels. I wore four inch heels for most of my young life. But they weren’t stiletto because I love my ankles. AND I believe that you used to be able to buy two inch heels. Which you can’t anymore unless you like really frumpy fashion. I have been looking for a pair of brown dress shoes that won’t make my chiropractor slap me for a year and a half!


    • mistyslaws
      Oct 18, 2012 @ 20:55:46

      I know this is gonna sound horrible, but try Aerosoles. They aren’t frumpy, and you can find some comfy but cute shoes there.



  11. lifestooshorttoplaypossum
    Oct 12, 2012 @ 23:38:09

    I found you through Making Things Happen…and thought I was all deja vu-ing. come see my site and you’ll see what I mean!

    PS: My favorite thing at the $1 stores. condoms right next to the pregnancy tests. Yeah..awesome.


  12. Barb
    Oct 13, 2012 @ 04:00:30

    Now, I’ll tell you about that lip-puffy lipstick. One of the cosmetic ladies at Nordstroms painted some on me. It had some hotsy-totsy French name, and gave my smackers a sexy wet-look sheen. And then….
    It began to sting. To burn. I wanted to run from the store, trying to rip my lips off. “No. No.” explained the esthetician, “it’s supposed to tingle. That’s what puffs the lips.” Tingle? Bullhockey. Lasers from hell was more like it. And sure enough I had lips Angelina Jolie would envy. I spent the rest of the shopping event looking for Leopard-Print stilettos to match my image. Fortunately I couldn’t find them or else I would’ve needed that Dollar pregnancy detector and some WashAwaySin soap.


  13. prttynpnk
    Oct 13, 2012 @ 07:12:00

    I’m hoping that this year the local licqour store by us will have their ‘pictures with Santa’ again- I just want to see some good family fun in the rum aisle.


  14. faunawolf
    Oct 15, 2012 @ 06:25:22

    At first I was going to suggest you avoid the dollar store but then I realised that a lot of the dodgy stuff is available online or in any retailer you might come across.

    I think consumerism has gone too far.


  15. Red
    Oct 15, 2012 @ 09:10:36

    The “pants” look like something that would appeal to Lula in Janet Evanovich’s Stephanie Plum books. Shoes too.

    …I’d be willing to give the PBJ vodka a taste. Just to see. I don’t have high hopes, but, you know.


  16. pegoleg
    Oct 16, 2012 @ 15:02:32

    Misty, I always KNEW we were sisters under the skin! I just noticed the $1 pregnancy tests at the Dollar Store yesterday. Prominently displayed at the checkout next to the gum for the average shopper: “Oops, better pick up some Juicy Fruit…and a PREGNANCY test.”


  17. Brett Minor (@brettminor)
    Oct 17, 2012 @ 06:19:07

    I once saw pregnancy tests in bulk at Sam’s Club. They came in 24 packs. Must have been for the brothel owners who wanted to keep his girls tested.


  18. dancie
    Aug 08, 2013 @ 14:16:06

    The “Sexy Mother Pucker” actually does work. I have teeny tiny lips and I LOVE that stuff. Unfortunately, it hasn’t been on shelves where I live for probably over 2 yrs.


  19. LAMarcom
    Feb 21, 2014 @ 20:51:06

    Bubba Cola! Right up there with Chateau Bubba wine (Imported from Texas)
    Hilarious stuff.
    Thank you.


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