Buddy the Elf: Redux

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I was going to do another giveaway post today, but have decided to save it until Monday.

Instead, I’ve decided to do an anniversary post of sorts.  I realized that one year ago today, I posted what I consider my most silly and fun post.  I had a lot of fun crafting it, and it received pretty high praise as to its comedic stylings.  So, I figured I would cheat phone it in repost it below for those of you who might be new here, or those who have read it and might enjoy a little trip through memoryville (I don’t want those “memory lane” assholes suing me for copyright infringement . . . again!).

Fair warning though . . . it is very naughty.  I don’t usually do blue comedy, but this falls squarely in that category, so if you are looking for family friendly . . . move along, cuz this ain’t it. 

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I would like to introduce everyone to a new addition to my family:

Hi there.

This is Buddy.  He is an Elf on the Shelf.  If you are unaware of this phenomenon because you don’t have kids or just have not succumbed to the charms associated with this tradition, let me explain.  The elf on the shelf is an elf that sits in your home, watching the kids to make sure they are being good.  Every night he flies home to Santa to tell him the score of the day.  Then on Christmas Eve, Santa picks him up and he goes back to the North Pole until the holidays roll around the next year.

Every family has to name their elf, and my kids picked the name Buddy.  Actually, it was originally Santa’s Little Buddy, but we shortened it.  Either that, or he was going to be named The Grinch (per my 3 year old), but that was vetoed because it didn’t quite have that holiday spirit.

Because he flies back to Santa every night, in the morning, he is always in a different spot in our house.  Sometimes on the fireplace mantel, sometimes on the drapes, on a lamp, a picture frame . . . you get the idea.  Basically, Buddy has free reign to come and go as he pleases and reposition himself wherever he feels comfortable.

The children have delighted every morning in trying to find where Buddy ended up the prior evening, and gleefully announce his whereabouts once he is spotted.  Basically, Buddy has been a welcome addition to our (mostly) holiday loving family.

But, I have recently discovered that Buddy may not be what he appears.  Apparently, there is a dark side to Buddy.  He is not content to just sit on a shelf and wait for the kids to discover him with glee each morning.  Oh no.  He is a very naughty little elf.  Apparently, he has been having a bit of fun in the dark hours of the night while everyone else is asleep.

The way I discovered his bad boy side was when one morning, as I was leaving for work, I took a look at my phone.  I noticed that there were some abnormalities from when I left it to charge the night before.  First, it was no longer charging.  Someone had unplugged it and left it almost drained of the battery.  Second, when I turned it on, it did not go to the main page.  No, it did not.  It instead opened onto some pretty disturbing images.  It seems that my phone had been used during the night to document some shenanigans occurring between Buddy and a host of other characters that in years past have been content to also sit on mantels and shelves to decorate the house during the holidays.  But apparently, not this night.  I can only assume that Buddy was the bad influence on our holiday friends.  And I have proof of the wild times that occurred between Buddy and these normally sedate and classical holiday characters.

Brace yourself.  These pictures are quite graphic and I wouldn’t want to ruin your childhood memories of all these beloved icons forever.  You might not want to look any further . . .

Ok, then . . . I warned you.  Here they are:

Playing Reindeer Games

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Guess he CAN catch him.

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Look away, Cornelius. Look away.

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He likes it RUFF.

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One happy dentist.

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Oh, Gingy!

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Not you too, Sam!

 .

Santa Claus is coming . . .

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Manage-a-Elf

Well, I’m sorry you had to be subjected to those vile and obscene photos, but I felt it was my obligation to show the world the dangers of having an elf in your home.  Apparently, my elf is a complete nympho, and I fear yours might be as well.  Keep an eye on those elves, and you may want to hide all your other holiday decorations.  For the safety of all reindeer, please . . . be vigilant!

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35 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Mike C
    Dec 07, 2012 @ 08:46:17

    You are too funny! lol

    Reply

  2. wcdameron
    Dec 07, 2012 @ 09:47:24

    OMG, I must have missed this last year, because I am laughing my ass off! “manage-a-elf” Love that! I’m pretty sure these images are going to end up on some porn site. Oh, look! It’s snowing on your page! I suddenly feel very holiday-ish, and naughty at the same time. Best Christmas Ever!

    Reply

  3. Don't Quote Lily
    Dec 07, 2012 @ 11:27:26

    So glad you decided to do this, as I wasn’t around last year to see it. HILARIOUS! Loved it. 😀

    Reply

  4. Jennifer June Clark
    Dec 07, 2012 @ 11:34:03

    This is *so* wrong! Hee!

    Reply

    • mistyslaws
      Dec 13, 2012 @ 11:58:42

      Oh so now you’re saying Elf Porn is wrong all of a sudden? What kind of crazy mixed up world do we live in when it’s not acceptable for 2 consenting elves to hump each other. Jeesh!! 😉

      Reply

  5. ifUseekAmy
    Dec 07, 2012 @ 12:31:12

    I laughed and laughed and laughed looking at these pictures. Felt oh-so-dirty looking at them, but laughed nevertheless. Nice job in spreading rated X-mas cheer!

    Reply

  6. Go Jules Go
    Dec 07, 2012 @ 13:31:41

    I just laughed my jingle bells off. (Starting with the first picture – and then Sam really snow-capped it off.) I’m so glad you reposted this!

    I had a feeling Buddy was everyone’s buddy.

    Reply

  7. bluzdude
    Dec 07, 2012 @ 18:26:21

    Gee, and I thought the worst he was going to do was wear leggings as pants.

    Reply

  8. renée a. schuls-jacobson
    Dec 07, 2012 @ 21:23:43

    You are farking hilarious. And for the first time EVER in my whole life, I now wish I had an elf. What can I do that’s porny with my menorah? 😉

    Reply

    • mistyslaws
      Dec 13, 2012 @ 12:00:49

      Hmmm, I’m sure there are things . . . but I don’t think your family friendly blog is the appropriate place for those kind of shenanigans, no? 😉

      Reply

  9. She's a Maineiac
    Dec 07, 2012 @ 21:33:53

    First of all, thanks for dredging up memories of how I used to find my Barbie and Ken dolls after my brothers got ahold of them.
    Also, this is hilarious. I have two friends on facebook and they post these photos of their stupid elf on a shelf doing various things and it’s driving me batshit insane. I had to block them from my feed I got so sick of it! “ooh, looks like Elf got into the marshmallows!” “Oh no, looks like Elf went swimming in the sink today!” If I ever see that Elf in my house, I promise you, he will be destroyed in some freak accident almost immediately.

    Reply

    • mistyslaws
      Dec 13, 2012 @ 12:10:39

      Yeah, those “cute” elf pictures are too unrealistic. What do you REALLY think that elf is getting up to when you are sleeping. I mean, elves have needs, too! 😉

      Reply

  10. Steph
    Dec 07, 2012 @ 22:04:20

    Bahahahaha!!! I’m dying over here because I’m so totally sick of the Elf pics on FB… thank you for re-posting this. I needed that laugh!!

    Reply

  11. Valerie
    Dec 08, 2012 @ 10:03:19

    I’m totally giving you an award for this… I also love you.

    Hugs!

    Valerie

    Reply

  12. Jessica
    Dec 08, 2012 @ 11:15:50

    I never knew elves were so wicked! Thanks for cracking me up, Misty!

    Reply

  13. Ash-Matic
    Dec 08, 2012 @ 11:27:42

    I’m glad you reposted this!
    I hope Buddy uses protection, cuz he’s really getting around!

    Reply

  14. Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd
    Dec 08, 2012 @ 11:41:49

    This is my favorite post of yours. I don’t want to know what that says about me.

    Reply

    • mistyslaws
      Dec 13, 2012 @ 12:13:46

      That you have AWESOME taste!! And that you have been a loyal follower forever, for which I humbly thank you, mah lady. (Oh, and that you are kind of a perv). 😉

      Reply

  15. Amy
    Dec 08, 2012 @ 22:47:07

    Hilarious! My husband and I both cracked up. Thank you for sharing these, um, entertaining pics. 🙂

    Reply

  16. Kim
    Dec 09, 2012 @ 16:12:27

    Now I want to go get one of these elfs!!! Lol

    Reply

  17. thoughtsappear
    Dec 11, 2012 @ 07:13:29

    I flippin’ love this post!

    Reply

  18. Trackback: 13 Hot Bloggers You Should Check Out in 2013 | renée a. schuls-jacobson's blog

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