Buddy the Elf: Redux

I was going to do another giveaway post today, but have decided to save it until Monday.

Instead, I’ve decided to do an anniversary post of sorts.  I realized that one year ago today, I posted what I consider my most silly and fun post.  I had a lot of fun crafting it, and it received pretty high praise as to its comedic stylings.  So, I figured I would cheat phone it in repost it below for those of you who might be new here, or those who have read it and might enjoy a little trip through memoryville (I don’t want those “memory lane” assholes suing me for copyright infringement . . . again!).

Fair warning though . . . it is very naughty.  I don’t usually do blue comedy, but this falls squarely in that category, so if you are looking for family friendly . . . move along, cuz this ain’t it. 

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I would like to introduce everyone to a new addition to my family:

Hi there.

This is Buddy.  He is an Elf on the Shelf.  If you are unaware of this phenomenon because you don’t have kids or just have not succumbed to the charms associated with this tradition, let me explain.  The elf on the shelf is an elf that sits in your home, watching the kids to make sure they are being good.  Every night he flies home to Santa to tell him the score of the day.  Then on Christmas Eve, Santa picks him up and he goes back to the North Pole until the holidays roll around the next year.

Every family has to name their elf, and my kids picked the name Buddy.  Actually, it was originally Santa’s Little Buddy, but we shortened it.  Either that, or he was going to be named The Grinch (per my 3 year old), but that was vetoed because it didn’t quite have that holiday spirit.

Because he flies back to Santa every night, in the morning, he is always in a different spot in our house.  Sometimes on the fireplace mantel, sometimes on the drapes, on a lamp, a picture frame . . . you get the idea.  Basically, Buddy has free reign to come and go as he pleases and reposition himself wherever he feels comfortable.

The children have delighted every morning in trying to find where Buddy ended up the prior evening, and gleefully announce his whereabouts once he is spotted.  Basically, Buddy has been a welcome addition to our (mostly) holiday loving family.

But, I have recently discovered that Buddy may not be what he appears.  Apparently, there is a dark side to Buddy.  He is not content to just sit on a shelf and wait for the kids to discover him with glee each morning.  Oh no.  He is a very naughty little elf.  Apparently, he has been having a bit of fun in the dark hours of the night while everyone else is asleep.

The way I discovered his bad boy side was when one morning, as I was leaving for work, I took a look at my phone.  I noticed that there were some abnormalities from when I left it to charge the night before.  First, it was no longer charging.  Someone had unplugged it and left it almost drained of the battery.  Second, when I turned it on, it did not go to the main page.  No, it did not.  It instead opened onto some pretty disturbing images.  It seems that my phone had been used during the night to document some shenanigans occurring between Buddy and a host of other characters that in years past have been content to also sit on mantels and shelves to decorate the house during the holidays.  But apparently, not this night.  I can only assume that Buddy was the bad influence on our holiday friends.  And I have proof of the wild times that occurred between Buddy and these normally sedate and classical holiday characters.

Brace yourself.  These pictures are quite graphic and I wouldn’t want to ruin your childhood memories of all these beloved icons forever.  You might not want to look any further . . .

Ok, then . . . I warned you.  Here they are:

Playing Reindeer Games

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Guess he CAN catch him.

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Look away, Cornelius. Look away.

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He likes it RUFF.

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One happy dentist.

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Oh, Gingy!

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Not you too, Sam!

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Santa Claus is coming . . .

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Manage-a-Elf

Well, I’m sorry you had to be subjected to those vile and obscene photos, but I felt it was my obligation to show the world the dangers of having an elf in your home.  Apparently, my elf is a complete nympho, and I fear yours might be as well.  Keep an eye on those elves, and you may want to hide all your other holiday decorations.  For the safety of all reindeer, please . . . be vigilant!

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