Happy Christmaqwanzestivusukkah!!

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So, like most people around these parts, I have contracted a bad case of VD the holidays.  It has been all holly jolly fa la la in and around my homestead as of late.  A few more days, and it will all be over.  And hopefully I can take a nap!  But until then . . . let me take you for a little stroll down the holiday hell lane I have been strolling along with my family and friends this last week.

We start our journey with the yearly tradition of cookie making.  Otherwise known as the day in which I have flour from head to toe and find some in crevices of my body in which baking ingredients should never be found.  Ahem.  Anyway . . . cookies.  I signed up to bring cookies to the office Christmas party this year (more on that to come), and my kids love baking cookies around the holidays, so last weekend was the official cookie making fandango. 

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I ROLLED that dough. Rolled it! I am the freaking cookie queen!

Now, here’s the thing . . . I am one lazy SOB.  GASP!!  Yes, I know this is a huge surprise to you, I’m sure. But seriously, when I make cookies with my kids, it usually starts with those little pre-made packs you buy at the grocery store to which you just add eggs and voila!  Instant cookies.  Either that, or the most lazy of the laziness, the frozen already sectioned into little balls of dough, cookies.  Those are my favorites!  So very easy, and no floury powdery stuff to have to mop up.  But this year . . . oh ho this year . . . I decided to get all Martha Stewart on those cookie asses and whipped up not one, but two batches of different homemade motherfucking cookies.  Using ingredients and shit.  What the hell is wrong with me?

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And while the shapes of trees and bears and hearts and stars are all well and good, I was a bit sad that I didn’t have these to make the most epic cookies EVER:

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NINJABREAD MEN!!  How awesome would that have been?  Alas, I will have to settle for boring old holiday themed cookie shapes for this year’s cookie extravaganza.  Sigh.  Well, there’s always next year, I guess. 

Next stop on our holiday train ride (yes, it’s a train now, hush!) . . . classic holiday shows.  We’ve already been over my love for A Christmas Story, which I haven’t actually seen yet this year because, duh, TBS Christmas Day marathon!  But every day my kids have watched a different movie, so it’s been a perpetual loop of holiday classics on the TV at all times!  Rudolph, Frosty, ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas (that’s the one with the mice and the clock, love it!), Santa Claus is Coming to Town and, of course, the plethora of “holiday themed” Disney Jr. shows that we have had to watch as well.  And while that is all well and good . . . mommy prefers a little bit different Christmas fare. 

I haven’t had the chance to watch Elf yet, but I actually purchased it this year and will get to it this weekend (I hope).  It’s been years since I’ve seen it, and I think I’m due.  Then, of course, there was the SNL Christmas special that was on last week.  Two hours chock full of classic and recent holiday skits from that (sometimes) hysterical show.  Which brings us to my personal favorite SNL skit of all time . . . Dick in a Box!  When it came on TV, I actually rewound it and watched it 3 more times, then ran downstairs and played it for the hubs.  Not that we both haven’t seen it a million times before, because seriously, Dick in a Box.  But it was so worth a refresher.  I crack the fuck up every single time I see it.  Every.  Single.  Time.  If you have never seen it, please do yourself a favor and watch this NOW (maybe not at work if your boss is kind of a dick . . . in or out of a box).  You can thank me later.  You will not be disappointed.  Unless you hate to laugh.  Cuz then, well, yeah.

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Click on picture to watch video.

Now that you have had your daily fix of hilarity, let’s move on along to today’s festivities, and the reason I had to make all those damn cookies . . . my office holiday party.

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Oh, the office holiday party.  If you recall my previous posts, where I bitched and moaned about being forced to be the office party planner, and how I renounced that title after last year’s trifecta of parties, you can imagine how much I was looking forward to this upcoming event.  Thankfully, one of my close friends in the office took the reigns (knowing finally that I was serious when I said I was retired), and has run with it.  I have helped a little, but mainly have stayed out of it.  Of course, her being a damn elf and all, people have run to her to give her money and sign up for items to bring, not in any way necessitating any follow-up on her part.  Unlike my previous multiple personal and memo specific requests, which were summarily ignored.  But oh no, not her.  One memo and people are lining up to do what they were asked to do.  Sigh.  Not really sure what that says about my previous career in party planning, but we’ll just leave it at me being happy I don’t have to do it anymore.  And what else am I happy about?  Booze.  Yep, the holiday party includes copious amounts of alcohol, both to drink at the party, and usually as the items exchanged in the White Elephant gift exchange.  So at least I have that to look forward to!  Pretty sure I won’t be getting much work done after noon today.  Suck it employers!!

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HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

I mean . . . and a Festive Winter Solstice to you and yours!!

Wait . . . damn.  Um, Happy Hanukkah?  Er, maybe it’s Joyous Qwanza?  Festivus for the rest of us?

Yeah, whatever it is you celebrate (or don’t) around these parts, I hope you have a Merry Happy Joyous good one.

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At least it’s not coal . . .

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33 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. hiddinsight
    Dec 21, 2012 @ 09:21:53

    Enjoy every moment 🙂 Oh… and it took everything in me to NOT BUY those ninja cookie cutters right now. Not that I make a lot of cookies, but I think if they were ninjas I would find the motivation.

    Reply

  2. bluzdude
    Dec 21, 2012 @ 10:58:26

    They should have one of the ninjas snapping a picture.

    Reply

  3. rachelocal
    Dec 21, 2012 @ 11:29:22

    Love what’s in your stocking! 🙂

    Reply

  4. renée a. schuls-jacobson
    Dec 21, 2012 @ 13:57:35

    Misty: Like you, I am a sucker for dick in a box. If you know what I mean. I hope you have a wonderful… well, you know it’ll be over soon. Thank you for the holiday card. I love getting snail mail. You’re the best.

    Reply

    • mistyslaws
      Dec 30, 2012 @ 14:16:18

      Oh, Renee. I definitely know what you mean! 😉

      It is thankfully over!! I survived it . . . barely. Now, I just have to put everything AWAY. Yikes!

      Reply

  5. winopants
    Dec 21, 2012 @ 14:05:59

    Ninjabread is so happening next year!
    I would agree that Dick in a Box is one of the best skits ever, but “Jizz in My Pants” from the same team is really, really close. I cry when I watch that one.

    Reply

  6. Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd
    Dec 21, 2012 @ 22:36:00

    Hope you all have a great holiday. I really, really want some ninjabread cookies now.

    Reply

  7. weezafish
    Dec 22, 2012 @ 17:09:02

    Ninjabread!! Ah, that’s awesome. Got to get me some. And thank you, dear Misty, for Dick in a Box. I feel a bit sad, I’m up late alone so I’ve no one to share it with and I know Hubby will love it. Maybe I should wake him up?! Happy Happy Holidays!

    Reply

    • mistyslaws
      Dec 30, 2012 @ 14:19:01

      I’m sure the hubs would be very thankful if you woke him to share the majesty that is Dick in a Box! Tell him I said, “you’re welcome.” 😉

      Reply

  8. Brett Minor (@brettminor)
    Dec 22, 2012 @ 23:59:10

    I would buy the Ninjabread cookie cutters, except I never bake cookies, so I don’t think there would be a point.

    Reply

  9. Vesta Vayne
    Dec 23, 2012 @ 08:54:28

    You made TWO batches of homemade cookies? You know, I’m starting to think this bah humbug stuff is a bunch of hooey. You are an elf, I know it!

    Reply

    • mistyslaws
      Dec 30, 2012 @ 14:21:38

      Shhhh. Quit trying to blow my cover! 😉

      Actually, my friend probably called it correctly when she said, “you’re a scrooge, but you fake it well for the kids.”

      Reply

  10. bschooled
    Dec 24, 2012 @ 15:41:23

    I would totally eat the shit out of a Ninjabread man. And not in a good way.

    Wait, what?

    Merry Christmas, Misty! I’ll think of you while I’m not watching A Christmas Story (what can I say, it’s tradition).

    Reply

    • mistyslaws
      Dec 30, 2012 @ 14:23:20

      Eat the shit out of a Ninjabread man. I would expect nothing less from you, my friend. Hope you had a festivus holiday. And not enjoying A Christmas Story, as per tradition.

      Reply

  11. Valerie
    Dec 26, 2012 @ 21:13:23

    I need a nap just reading about this…

    Also, I wanted those ninjabread men cookie cutters. But they were out of stock!!! Jerks…

    Hugs!

    Valerie

    Reply

  12. Go Jules Go
    Dec 27, 2012 @ 09:38:40

    Hang on. You’re, like, the LEAST lazy person I know. You always go out of your way to do special things! And find the most frickin’ hilarious cards for your blog posts.

    I don’t know what’s better – D*ck in a Box or Elf.

    I hope you and the fam had a VERY merry Christmas, and that that massive stocking of yours was packed to the brim.

    Reply

    • mistyslaws
      Dec 30, 2012 @ 14:27:23

      Aw, you are so sweet. Incorrect, but sweet! :p

      And, unfortunately, the hubs won’t let me hang up the big stocking. 😦 He was threatening to put up TWO of his, so that’s why I whipped it out and threatened to hang it. That sounded kinda dirty. Oh well. 😉

      Reply

  13. pegoleg
    Dec 27, 2012 @ 10:23:37

    Aw…love that picture. Hope the actual day was wonderful!

    Reply

  14. Angie Z.
    Dec 27, 2012 @ 17:54:55

    ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas? Noooooo! You might be the only person besides me and maybe three others who remember that show. What was up with all of them having large round ears? Sometimes I find myself whistling “even a miracle needs someone…” (or something?) despite that I haven’t seen that show for over 20 years.

    The first time I saw dick in a box, I felt repulsed and insulted. And then I had to play it about two more times before declaring it the funniest SNL short of all of time. There has never been and will never be a skit more brilliant.

    Reply

  15. timkeen40
    Dec 30, 2012 @ 15:15:46

    I think some days, it’s good to be a Ninja gingerbread man. Other days, not so much.

    Loved this post.

    Tim

    Reply

  16. thoughtsappear
    Jan 04, 2013 @ 19:13:53

    You know I have those cookie cutters right? You can borrow them next year.

    Reply

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