I got sick last week. I was expected to return to work on Wednesday, after a long holiday break. But my body had other plans. It, instead, decided that I apparently needed to start feeling like death. So, despite the fact that I was due in court, I called in to work and told them there was no way I would be able to come in. Because of my impending death, you see.
The problem with my work, though, is they are kind of assholes about sick days. In order to take a sick day, you must have a documented excuse. A sick note. Like I’m in grade school or something. I figured I would just take a personal day if I had to, but I’d really rather not, since I’m trying to save my days for pending vacations planned for later in the year. But at 5:00 am, I was not worried about any of that. I just wanted to crawl back into bed.
Later in the day, probably around 4:00, my hubs mentioned that if I wanted to get a note, I should probably try to get over to the local Urgent Care place soon, to avoid the rush that would most likely occur after work. I thought that this was an excellent idea . . . so I promptly fell into a 3 hour coma of a nap. So much for that documentation.
I wasn’t too concerned about it, though. You see, once I woke up and still felt like hell, I devised a plan. I realized that I was not going to be able to go to work the next day, either, so I just figured I’d go over to the Urgent Care place the next day and get a note that would be good for both days. I hoped.
So, after a very restless night of tossing and turning, and the occasional fevered delirium dream (do you guys get those when you’re sick? SO freaky!), I got out of bed and called to make an appointment at Urgent Care. Which meant I had to get showered and dressed and be functional enough to get out of the house. I was set for a 2:00 appointment. I was hopeful that since it was the middle of the day, I would be home by 4:00 and back in bed. Oh boy, was I wrong about that!
So, I get there exactly at 2:00, check in, and am told they are running a little behind. Ok, no problem. I’ll just sit over here in the corner and die quietly, so as to not disturb the other patients. After about 45 minute of waiting, I hear the front desk girls talking to each other about how bad it was on New Year’s Eve, and how the wait was upwards of 3 hours. She was saying that people kept coming up to the desk yelling at her, and how she was all, “I’m just the desk girl! I have nothing to do with what’s going on back there!” Hmmmmm.
So, after almost an hour of waiting in the lobby (and not rushing the desk to complain to the front desk girl, I might add) I was finally called back into a room. Where I perched myself atop a foam padded, thin paper covered bench and tucked in to wait. Again. Luckily, though, there was a little TV in the corner that was currently showing the end of one of the Ice Age movies. So, there was a distraction at least.
About 15 minutes later, a nurse came in to take my blood pressure, which involved multiple attempts (apparently I’m a vampire) of cutting off all circulation to my arm. She then told me they were going to do a flu test. Well, isn’t that fancy. I asked her if that involved taking blood (one of my most favoritest things EVER!), but she assured me that it was just a swab in the nostrils. Then, she proceeded to shove a SAMURAI SWORD UP BOTH OF MY NOSTRILS. When I was like, “um, OUCH,” she just calmly said, “oh yeah, we pretty much have to hit your brain for this test.” Ha ha, very funny lady. Not quite as funny when it’s your eyeballs getting pierced.
At this point, I have already been at this place for well over an hour, so I ask her how long until the test is ready. She tells me that she really can’t give me a time, but that the test itself takes 15 minutes. She then left, assuring me that the doctor would be in to see me “soon.”
At some point during this interminable wait, a manager guy came in to apologize to me for the wait. He went on to explain that they were so behind because they only had 1 doctor working that day, and that there were still 2-3 people in front of me. Oh great. Well, at least you’re sorry.
Finally, finally, an actual doctor came in the room. Two hours and 45 minutes later, after watching the entirety of Ice Age: The Meltdown, I was finally seeing a medical professional. (This, after another person came in to apologize again and tell me I was next in line). The doc proceeded to tell me that the flu test came back positive and that I had Influenza A. Then, she wrote me a prescription for some Tamiflu. And asked if I wanted some cough meds as well. Well, since I have been playing a rousing game of Who Can Hack the Loudest with my neighboring patient in the room behind me for the last 2.5 hours, I’m gonna say a big HELLZ YEAH to that. Bring on the codeine!
So, when I asked if they could actually fill the prescription, she assured me that they could. I was relieved that after spending 3 hours there, I wouldn’t have to stop at yet another place before getting home. But as I went to the front desk, once again getting an apology from the manager, I was told they were actually out of that Rx. Of course they were. Because . . . reasons.
They then faxed the prescription to the CVS, so I could pick it up on my way home. But, not being a complete moron, I called on my way to make sure they had received the Rx, which they had. Hooray! It might actually be ready when I get there. And I might make it home in time to feed my kids dinner. Speaking of which, I also put in a call to the Pizza Hut across the street from the pharmacy, so I could grab dinner on the way home as well. And then, because it was 5:30 on a Thursday night, I then got to sit in rush hour traffic. Fun times.
I get to the pharmacy and wait in the drive-thru lane, which only took about 10 minutes to get up to the window. Hell, it was the shortest wait all day. And they have my Rx ready! Score. Oh wait . . . but they don’t have my prescription info. And since my job recently changed, I am now under my hubs’ policy. But of course, I don’t have a card. Of course. Wait! Can they just pull up my hubs’ info in their system? He gets stuff from there all the time! Which they say they can, but it’s gonna take some time to pull it up in the system. I say that I’ll go grab the pizza across the street and come right back. The girl tells me I might want to come inside when I come back, in case there are any questions that the manager needs to ask me. So . . . pizza, check. Back to CVS, park and go inside, check. And then stand in line behind 6 other people.
And when I’m finally called up, I explain that I was there before and was just waiting to get my hubs’ info pulled up in the system. Which is when she tells me that her manager was trying . . . and then the system went down. So I would have to wait. And they didn’t know for how long.
Kill me. Kill me now.
That was pretty much the end of me. I had steadfastly held out through the hours of hellish waiting and waiting and waiting. But when I could finally see the finish line, when they had my meds right there, when I had pizza cooling in the car, and was then told that I had to wait even more, with no idea of how long it would be? Yeah, I was done. I started mewling like a little kitten. And I might have been delirious at this point, but I think I might have actually said, “please, I have the flu, I need to be in bed. Please.” To which she responded by apologizing to me.
After waiting again for another half an hour or so, the system was back up, I had my meds, and I was on my way home. To which I arrived at 7:00. Where I had departed at 1:30 earlier that day. Five and a half hours out and about in the world, and out of my bed. Cruel is what it was. Cruel.
But now I’ve got my Tamiflu, my cough medicine with codeine, and my warm and comfy bed. Now, if I could just get rid of this death flu, all would be right with my world.