A Trip to Influenza-ville


I got sick last week.  I was expected to return to work on Wednesday, after a long holiday break.  But my body had other plans.  It, instead, decided that I apparently needed to start feeling like death.  So, despite the fact that I was due in court, I called in to work and told them there was no way I would be able to come in.  Because of my impending death, you see.

The problem with my work, though, is they are kind of assholes about sick days.  In order to take a sick day, you must have a documented excuse.  A sick note.  Like I’m in grade school or something.  I figured I would just take a personal day if I had to, but I’d really rather not, since I’m trying to save my days for pending vacations planned for later in the year.  But at 5:00 am, I was not worried about any of that.  I just wanted to crawl back into bed.

Later in the day, probably around 4:00, my hubs mentioned that if I wanted to get a note, I should probably try to get over to the local Urgent Care place soon, to avoid the rush that would most likely occur after work.  I thought that this was an excellent idea . . . so I promptly fell into a 3 hour coma of a nap.  So much for that documentation.

I wasn’t too concerned about it, though.  You see, once I woke up and still felt like hell, I devised a plan.  I realized that I was not going to be able to go to work the next day, either, so I just figured I’d go over to the Urgent Care place the next day and get a note that would be good for both days.  I hoped.


So, after a very restless night of tossing and turning, and the occasional fevered delirium dream (do you guys get those when you’re sick?  SO freaky!), I got out of bed and called to make an appointment at Urgent Care.  Which meant I had to get showered and dressed and be functional enough to get out of the house.  I was set for a 2:00 appointment.  I was hopeful that since it was the middle of the day, I would be home by 4:00 and back in bed.  Oh boy, was I wrong about that!

So, I get there exactly at 2:00, check in, and am told they are running a little behind.  Ok, no problem.  I’ll just sit over here in the corner and die quietly, so as to not disturb the other patients.  After about 45 minute of waiting, I hear the front desk girls talking to each other about how bad it was on New Year’s Eve, and how the wait was upwards of 3 hours.  She was saying that people kept coming up to the desk yelling at her, and how she was all, “I’m just the desk girl!  I have nothing to do with what’s going on back there!”  Hmmmmm.

So, after almost an hour of waiting in the lobby (and not rushing the desk to complain to the front desk girl, I might add) I was finally called back into a room.  Where I perched myself atop a foam padded, thin paper covered bench and tucked in to wait.  Again.  Luckily, though, there was a little TV in the corner that was currently showing the end of one of the Ice Age movies.  So, there was a distraction at least.

About 15 minutes later, a nurse came in to take my blood pressure, which involved multiple attempts (apparently I’m a vampire) of cutting off all circulation to my arm.  She then told me they were going to do a flu test.  Well, isn’t that fancy.  I asked her if that involved taking blood (one of my most favoritest things EVER!), but she assured me that it was just a swab in the nostrils.  Then, she proceeded to shove a SAMURAI SWORD UP BOTH OF MY NOSTRILS.  When I was like, “um, OUCH,” she just calmly said, “oh yeah, we pretty much have to hit your brain for this test.”  Ha ha, very funny lady.  Not quite as funny when it’s your eyeballs getting pierced.

At this point, I have already been at this place for well over an hour, so I ask her how long until the test is ready.  She tells me that she really can’t give me a time, but that the test itself takes 15 minutes.  She then left, assuring me that the doctor would be in to see me “soon.”


At some point during this interminable wait, a manager guy came in to apologize to me for the wait.  He went on to explain that they were so behind because they only had 1 doctor working that day, and that there were still 2-3 people in front of me.  Oh great.  Well, at least you’re sorry.

Finally, finally, an actual doctor came in the room.  Two hours and 45 minutes later, after watching the entirety of Ice Age: The Meltdown, I was finally seeing a medical professional.  (This, after another person came in to apologize again and tell me I was next in line).  The doc proceeded to tell me that the flu test came back positive and that I had Influenza A.  Then, she wrote me a prescription for some Tamiflu.  And asked if I wanted some cough meds as well.  Well, since I have been playing a rousing game of Who Can Hack the Loudest with my neighboring patient in the room behind me for the last 2.5 hours, I’m gonna say a big HELLZ YEAH to that.  Bring on the codeine!

So, when I asked if they could actually fill the prescription, she assured me that they could.  I was relieved that after spending 3 hours there, I wouldn’t have to stop at yet another place before getting home.  But as I went to the front desk, once again getting an apology from the manager, I was told they were actually out of that Rx.  Of course they were.  Because . . . reasons.

They then faxed the prescription to the CVS, so I could pick it up on my way home.  But, not being a complete moron, I called on my way to make sure they had received the Rx, which they had.  Hooray!  It might actually be ready when I get there.  And I might make it home in time to feed my kids dinner.  Speaking of which, I also put in a call to the Pizza Hut across the street from the pharmacy, so I could grab dinner on the way home as well.  And then, because it was 5:30 on a Thursday night, I then got to sit in rush hour traffic.  Fun times.

I get to the pharmacy and wait in the drive-thru lane, which only took about 10 minutes to get up to the window.  Hell, it was the shortest wait all day.  And they have my Rx ready!  Score.  Oh wait . . . but they don’t have my prescription info.  And since my job recently changed, I am now under my hubs’ policy.  But of course, I don’t have a card.  Of course.  Wait!  Can they just pull up my hubs’ info in their system?  He gets stuff from there all the time!  Which they say they can, but it’s gonna take some time to pull it up in the system.  I say that I’ll go grab the pizza across the street and come right back.  The girl tells me I might want to come inside when I come back, in case there are any questions that the manager needs to ask me.  So  . . . pizza, check.  Back to CVS, park and go inside, check.  And then stand in line behind 6 other people.

And when I’m finally called up, I explain that I was there before and was just waiting to get my hubs’ info pulled up in the system.  Which is when she tells me that her manager was trying . . . and then the system went down.  So I would have to wait.  And they didn’t know for how long.

Kill me.  Kill me now.

That was pretty much the end of me.  I had steadfastly held out through the hours of hellish waiting and waiting and waiting.  But when I could finally see the finish line, when they had my meds right there, when I had pizza cooling in the car, and was then told that I had to wait even more, with no idea of how long it would be?  Yeah, I was done.  I started mewling like a little kitten.  And I might have been delirious at this point, but I think I might have actually said, “please, I have the flu, I need to be in bed.  Please.”  To which she responded by apologizing to me.


After waiting again for another half an hour or so, the system was back up, I had my meds, and I was on my way home.  To which I arrived at 7:00.  Where I had departed at 1:30 earlier that day.  Five and a half hours out and about in the world, and out of my bed.  Cruel is what it was.  Cruel.

But now I’ve got my Tamiflu, my cough medicine with codeine, and my warm and comfy bed.  Now, if I could just get rid of this death flu, all would be right with my world.


57 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. hiddinsight
    Jan 07, 2013 @ 08:58:40

    That’s almost a work day right there… yikes! Hope you are better soon.


    • mistyslaws
      Jan 11, 2013 @ 14:36:19

      Work would have been less . . . work.


      • hiddinsight
        Jan 11, 2013 @ 16:26:58

        I know, right? I shake my head when I think about what you went through. It’s totally like someone was sending you a message. The stars aligned. When it happens to me I like to think that I shall laugh about it. One day. Not in the near future. But like, in 50 years or something.


  2. weezafish
    Jan 07, 2013 @ 09:12:48

    I think work would have been easier man! Now rest up. Get better.


  3. renée a. schuls-jacobson
    Jan 07, 2013 @ 09:24:17

    Nightmare! Don’t you have some doctor friend who can write you a note? I never realized I had it so good. The only people who should go to Urgent Care are bleeding profusely or having serious chest pain. Everyone else? Not an emergency. You will have to wait. Next time, I’ll have hubby scribble you a note and send it to you via email. Would it look suspicious that you saw a doc in NY state? 😉


    • mistyslaws
      Jan 11, 2013 @ 14:39:21

      Huh. How did I not know your hubs was a doc? New info. Every day.

      Yeah, they are pretty huge beaurocratic assholes. They might notice the NY thing. But maybe next time I’ll try anyway. I’m sure your hubs would also have no problem writing a note and Rx for someone he’s never met nor seen, and the medical board wouldn’t have a problem with it either!! 😉


  4. Go Jules Go
    Jan 07, 2013 @ 09:36:06

    I can’t believe it was that long before you started crying. Holy crap. And your damn job. They suck. You poor thing. Then again, cough medicine…

    And yes, I do get the wonky dreams when I’m sick! Take care of yourself, Misty!


    • mistyslaws
      Jan 11, 2013 @ 14:41:17

      I think I was just too weak to have any type of reaction until then. I told my hubs that I never charged the desk nor stormed out of the room to complain once, and he was shocked. He actually refused to believe me. I must have been *this close* to dead.

      Starting to feel more human again, though. Thanks!


  5. aliceatwonderland
    Jan 07, 2013 @ 09:36:42

    Oh, I feel your pain. I had pneumonia a while back and wrote about my hellish experiences on my blog while delirious with fever. So who knows what I wrote. Anyway, glad you finally got the meds and didn’t kill anyone. I swear I’ve been ready to more than once. Sick sucks.


    • mistyslaws
      Jan 11, 2013 @ 14:42:43

      Yeah, the desire was there, but the flesh was weak. To not have the energy to kill anyone. Huh. That’s new.

      Delerious post writing is the best! I wrote this while I was recouping, though, so mine is pretty coherent. As my posts go, anyway.


  6. ifUseekAmy
    Jan 07, 2013 @ 09:47:23

    Oh, man! I’m so sorry that you had such awful waits being so sick. I wonder, though, if things might have “hurried up a little bit” if you threatened to lick them, you know, with your Influenza A-ridden tongue.


    • mistyslaws
      Jan 11, 2013 @ 14:43:50

      Ha! I’ll try that next time. I was actually threatening to do that all weekend. But just to the hubs. Because I like to torture him. Weirdly, he didn’t want a tongue bath from yours truly. Where’s the love?


  7. cornfedgirl
    Jan 07, 2013 @ 10:23:10

    So so sorry. I got the flu right before Christmas and I am STILL coughing and achy. At least you were polite when they took your brain swab, I yelled. “HOLY SHIT!!”
    Feel better. REST ( something I didn’t do and I am still paying for it).


    • mistyslaws
      Jan 11, 2013 @ 14:45:18

      Yeah, it was shocking. I think I was just too close to death to properly react. But it definitely hurt like hell, and they DO NOT warn you. At all. Jerks.

      I rested. That is one thing I was able to do. Hopefully that means it’s all gone, buh bye now. Feel better you!


  8. Rosie
    Jan 07, 2013 @ 11:26:23

    Out of the whole story about the urgent care, I was waiting to read about the note. Did you get the note?


  9. Jen
    Jan 07, 2013 @ 12:55:28

    But, at least you have codeine, so…win! Sorry you’re feeling crappy; sending you healing vibes from my side o’ the country. xoxo


    • mistyslaws
      Jan 11, 2013 @ 14:46:43

      Thanks for the vibes. I’m sending them right back your way now. Unfortunately, the codeine doesn’t really do anything for me. I’m weird, I know.


  10. rachelocal
    Jan 07, 2013 @ 13:15:27

    That would be traumatic, even without feeling like death!

    Are you feeling any better?


  11. Leauxra
    Jan 07, 2013 @ 13:19:58

    😦 Awww. I got an evil cold that is sticking to me like a freaky stalker, but it hasn’t gotten worse than that. I ALSO got to call in the day after vacation/furlough thingy. But I got voicemail, and no one asked me to explain. I just said, “I’m sick, I can’t come in,” in my squeaky Hannah Montana voice (it is normally much more sonorous in an Alvin and the Chipmunks sort of way).

    I am sorry you’re feeling bad. And I finally dug through my mail enough that I found your Christmas card! YOU. ROCK. SO. HARD.

    Peace, Love, and Ukuleles.


    • mistyslaws
      Jan 11, 2013 @ 14:48:18

      Yuck, sorry you have a rotten cold. Hopefully you are feeling better.

      I too got the VM, but I still needed the note for when I returned.

      Glad you got the Xmas card and special treat. Enjoy! 😉


  12. winopants
    Jan 07, 2013 @ 14:52:35

    Brilliant way to help you recover from a flu- force you to spend hours out of bed, sitting in traffic and tediously waiting in an “urgent” care facility, where you probably passed your malady to several people along the way. We really should get sick days that we can use whenever the hell we want. But what am I talking about, I’m in the restaurant biz. I’ve worked so sick before I had to bail out on ringing up customers to go yack it in the bathroom every 15 minutes.


    • mistyslaws
      Jan 11, 2013 @ 14:50:21

      Yeah, my job was just recently . . . altered let’s say . . . so that there are more rules in place than before. Previously, I got a certain amount of sick days, and I could use them as I saw fit. Call in sick, you were sick. No traipsing about getting doctor’s notes. Now . . . not so much. I hate this job.

      And oy, the server gig. Been there, done that, got the food stained T-shirt. Yeah, not so much with the sick days with that. Sorry.


  13. mark
    Jan 07, 2013 @ 16:46:07

    Ya know up north here we get all our prescriptions by email delivered by dog sled. Who is this Tamiflu lady anyway? She’s got a pretty good name, eh? Feel better, Misty. God speed!


  14. pegoleg
    Jan 07, 2013 @ 17:14:30

    So sorry you’re out of commission! I am back with the living after enjoying the Flu From Hell last week. My experience of the Readi-Med wasn’t half as long as yours, so in retrospect I had it pretty good. The sight of me slumped in a chair in the waiting area of a strange pharmacy (I was out of state) trying to get the Z-pack they prescribed filled was “Night of the Living Dead Meets Walgreens.” – not good for business.


    • mistyslaws
      Jan 11, 2013 @ 14:51:53

      Yeah, that was me in all of the establishments I visited. It didn’t seem to speed up the process any. Guess they are used to zombies. Glad you are feeling better! I’m on the mend as well.


  15. Vesta Vayne
    Jan 07, 2013 @ 18:04:00

    Aw, bless your heart!

    You’re a saint, I would’ve freaked somewhere around hour three.


    • mistyslaws
      Jan 11, 2013 @ 14:53:01

      A southern woman is telling me to bless my heart.

      If I didn’t know you better, Vesta, I would think you just told me to go fuck myself. No? 😉

      I was too weak to freak, or I would have. They got me with my defenses way down. Literally.


  16. Valerie
    Jan 07, 2013 @ 19:00:03

    Wait… There’s a test for the flu!?! When the hell did this witchcraft happen?!!




  17. TheOtherLisa
    Jan 07, 2013 @ 19:26:05

    Oh please please please tell me you actually left with a note? Feel better. The plague went through my whole office, but at least we took turns. There was no questioning when someone else called in, we knew it was legit.


    • mistyslaws
      Jan 11, 2013 @ 14:54:49

      I did! And it’s working it’s way through my office, too. It’s not the office that doesn’t believe us, it’s the “corporation” I work for, let’s say.


  18. Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd
    Jan 07, 2013 @ 20:00:24

    Oh no, I’m so sorry Misty, that sucks. Being sick is so awful – the things you have to do to try and make it better (everything you went through) is just torture. I’m glad you’re home, and I hope you got your note!


  19. Don't Quote Lily
    Jan 07, 2013 @ 20:08:56

    Oh, the humanity! That’s insane. Feel better!


  20. Ash-Matic
    Jan 08, 2013 @ 02:46:04

    That sounds like a hellish day!
    Here in the UK we can usually self-certify any sickness for a week before requiring a doctor’s note. Your employers sound like assholes of the smelliest variety.


    • mistyslaws
      Jan 11, 2013 @ 14:56:32

      They are the most foul of brown eyes, I assure you.

      Hey, need a roommate? I feel as if I’m coming down with something. Mainly it’s sickofthisjobitis.


  21. She's a Maineiac
    Jan 08, 2013 @ 06:59:01

    Good lord! I certainly hope today you are feeling better! I had no idea. Sorry about the telescope joke on FB. GET BETTER, MISTY!


  22. wcdameron
    Jan 08, 2013 @ 10:51:12

    The one thing that struck me was that you have to have a documented illness? WTF? I would be pissed. So, basically they want sick employees coming to work and getting all the other employees sick. That’s just wrong.


    • mistyslaws
      Jan 11, 2013 @ 14:58:08

      Yeah, basically you have to suck it up and work, or you have to traipse around town trying to see a doctor to verify you are sick. I’d much rather just stay in bed and sleep away the sick, but nope. No choice there. Bastids!


  23. Jennifer June Clark
    Jan 08, 2013 @ 11:51:51

    Wow. You’re made of sterner stuff than I, my friend! I would have crawled back into bed after the brain swab and let the hubs get the drugs. Oh, and screw picking up dinner! The fam can make themselves scrambled eggs and toast and consider themselves lucky. Also, your employer? Jerks of the first water. What are you, in kindergarten? Note my ass!

    OK, now that I vented… How you’re feeling better soon, Misty! The flu is no joke. Lots of fluids and rest. Oh, and pampering! Lots of lots of pampering!


    • mistyslaws
      Jan 11, 2013 @ 15:00:54

      Oh, I didn’t mention? The hubs was in Orlando on business while all of this was happening. Yeah. So I was on the hook for feeding my tots. Luckily, I have an au pair, who I threw pizza at when I got home, and ran to bed. But she doesn’t cook. At all. So, no hubs and nobody to feed the tots. Picking up pizza was the easiest alternative. But at least I got to crawl in bed when I FINALLY got home. So I am super thankful that I had her there. Normally, she is off duty when I come home, so she was a saint to take them the entire night.

      And I am feeling better. I quarentined myself in the bedroom when the hubs DID finally return, and got lots of rest. It worked, mostly.


  24. Eunice
    Jan 08, 2013 @ 17:25:48

    Oh that’s dreadful. Get well soon! I agree with Jennifer June Clark, let the family sort themselves out. I shuddered at the nasal swab. I had to have one of those before an operation to check for mrsi. (Turned out I was a carrier!) I wondered if the nurse had got her training with the ancient Egyptians and had practised on mummys.

    I never thought I’d be glad to have diabetes, as it means I get a free ‘flu vaccination (in the UK). Stops those nasty ‘flu germs in their tracks!


  25. andrea-maybe it's just me
    Jan 09, 2013 @ 13:15:14

    You get a gold star on your chart for picking up pizza! Now doesn’t that make you feel better? 🙂 What? Baked goods are the only thing that will help? Are you sure?


    • mistyslaws
      Jan 11, 2013 @ 15:02:32

      The pizza was the easiest thing I did all day! And I had to figure out dinner one way or another. I wasn’t gonna get home in time to MAKE something. But yeah, baked goods solve all. 😉


  26. Shane Lusher
    Jan 10, 2013 @ 05:13:50

    Damn, damn damn. Where I live you always have to get a doctor’s excuse but when you get one you can just tell the secretary you need to be off for a week and she’ll do that for you. You don’t have to even see a doctor. You just have to show your insurance card so they get paid. Socialist medicine rocks.


    • mistyslaws
      Jan 11, 2013 @ 15:03:56

      Oh man, why can’t I live in Austria. Just this once!!

      I missed you, Shane. Good to see you on the blog again. Don’t be a stranger now, hear. Well, don’t be stranger than you already ARE. Ba dum bum, ccchhhhh!!


  27. thoughtsappear
    Jan 11, 2013 @ 08:26:47

    Ewwww…I hope you feel better soon! I have vodka for you if that cough syrup doesn’t work.


    • mistyslaws
      Jan 11, 2013 @ 15:09:19

      Ha! Well, the cough meds DIDN’T work, actually, but I can’t mix booze with the meds. Actually, I haven’t drank anything stronger than ginger ale in almost 2 weeks. I know! I must be really sick. Damn.


  28. Trackback: Calamity Jane « Misty's Laws

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