My friend Val, who blogs over here at Valerie Nunez and the Flying Platypi, is completely and totally rad. She also lives in New Jersey, which is where I found myself a few weeks ago for a birthday trip fiesta. We had planned on meeting at my hotel, since I was gonna be in her neck of the woods and we had been trying to get our awesome selves into the same place at the same time for months. At first, she was planning a President’s Day weekend down to the B-more area, but alas, that fell through. But then, when I realized I was gonna be in Joy-zee at the end of February, I asked if she wanted to try to meet there, and a plan was born.
On the drive up to Atlantic City, I texted her to confirm that we were still on.* What follows is the epic conversation that ensued as I was on my journey to her home state:
VAL: Can’t wait!!! I hope you have a glorious bday weekend!!
ME: Yay!! I am so fucking excited for this weekend. I’m gonna sleep SO HARD. That’s right, I party like a rock star.
VAL: I was literally just fantasizing about Sleep. Sleep is the sexiest thing. Perhaps ever.
ME: I want to have Sleep’s babies.
VAL: I love when I wake up with Sleep in the corner of my eyes. Cuz I know it was a good night. 😉
ME: I’m just glad Sleep is man enough for us to share without any jealousy.
VAL: Yeah. But . . . now that I think about it . . . Sleep is kind of a whore.
ME: Total whore. He really gets around. And sometimes, when I’m craving him in my bed, he is nowhere to be found. Probably shacked up with the neighbor. Bitch.
VAL: Right?!? Here I am . . . all ready, willing and able . . . and he’s off with my dog.
ME: And then sometimes, sometimes he shows up wanting to hang when I just can’t do it. Like at work. INAPPROPRIATE Sleep!!
VAL: That happened to me today!! I’m no booty call, Sleep! I’m a LADY!!!
ME: Or like when I’m in the car. I ain’t no car ho! At least . . . not anymore . . .
VAL: Exactly! I’m done with conceiving kids in cars . . . I’m not in my 20’s anymore.
ME: Right? I need a warm bed or hell even a couch, before I feel comfortable being with him. I’m old. Not like the college days where I would experiment and do him in the basement of the frat house!
VAL: Sleep just thinks we will never age. Well, I did age, Sleep!! And now my neck gets a kink in it and I can’t turn my head to the right for days!! So, be respectful and give me a fluffy pillow!!
ME: I know. I’m too damn old to do it on the floor anymore!
VAL: I could totally pull a hammy!! Gotta stretch it out first!
ME: None of that legs above my head shit, either. Damn.
VAL: Seriously, I’m not a gymnast, Sleep! Keep it real!
ME: What really pisses me off is when he visits my husband and refuses to come over on my side of the bed. I’m open for stuff, Sleep. You can do us both at the same time!
VAL: Sleep is such a prude whore!!!
ME: Tru dat.
Unfortunately, my dreams of a restful, sleep-filled weekend were not to be, as I couldn’t seem to get comfortable in the hotel bed and tossed and turned throughout my restless nights there. Which is completely adverse to my normal sleep like the dead even if a helicopter lands in your backyard mode of zonking out (yep, totally happened). I think Sleep heard me talking smack about him and decided he was going to teach me a lesson. Well played, Sleep. Well played, indeed.* Sadly, Val found out the day before our meeting that her beloved dog had a tumor in his leg, so she had to cancel. I was very disappointed, but obviously understood that she needed to be with her family and handle this unfortunate situation. Of course, that means we STILL haven’t met yet. It’s like the universe is fearful of all of our awesomeness being combined in the same atmosphere and that it’s magnitude will cause a shift in the space/time continuum or something. Pfft. I’m willing to take that chance. It will be totally worth it. Bring it!
What is YOUR favorite thing about Sleep?
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