Haaaaaaaave ya met VAL?

My friend Val, who blogs over here at Valerie Nunez and the Flying Platypi, is completely and totally rad.  She also lives in New Jersey, which is where I found myself a few weeks ago for a birthday trip fiesta.  We had planned on meeting at my hotel, since I was gonna be in her neck of the woods and we had been trying to get our awesome selves into the same place at the same time for months.  At first, she was planning a President’s Day weekend down to the B-more area, but alas, that fell through.  But then, when I realized I was gonna be in Joy-zee at the end of February, I asked if she wanted to try to meet there, and a plan was born.

On the drive up to Atlantic City, I texted her to confirm that we were still on.*  What follows is the epic conversation that ensued as I was on my journey to her home state:

VAL:  Can’t wait!!!  I hope you have a glorious bday weekend!!
ME:  Yay!!  I am so fucking excited for this weekend.  I’m gonna sleep SO HARD.  That’s right, I party like a rock star.
VAL:  I was literally just fantasizing about Sleep.  Sleep is the sexiest thing.  Perhaps ever.
ME:  I want to have Sleep’s babies.
VAL:  I love when I wake up with Sleep in the corner of my eyes.  Cuz I know it was a good night.  😉
ME:  I’m just glad Sleep is man enough for us to share without any jealousy.
VAL:  Yeah.  But . . . now that I think about it . . . Sleep is kind of a whore.
ME:  Total whore.  He really gets around.  And sometimes, when I’m craving him in my bed, he is nowhere to be found.  Probably shacked up with the neighbor.  Bitch.
VAL:  Right?!?  Here I am . . . all ready, willing and able . . .  and he’s off with my dog.
ME:  And then sometimes, sometimes he shows up wanting to hang when I just can’t do it.  Like at work.  INAPPROPRIATE Sleep!!
VAL:  That happened to me today!!  I’m no booty call, Sleep!  I’m a LADY!!!
ME:  Or like when I’m in the car.  I ain’t no car ho!  At least . . . not anymore . . .
VAL:  Exactly!  I’m done with conceiving kids in cars . . .  I’m not in my 20’s anymore.
ME:  Right?  I need a warm bed or hell even a couch, before I feel comfortable being with him.  I’m old.  Not like the college days where I would experiment and do him in the basement of the frat house!
VAL:  Sleep just thinks we will never age.  Well, I did age, Sleep!!  And now my neck gets a kink in it and I can’t turn my head to the right for days!!  So, be respectful and give me a fluffy pillow!!
ME:  I know.  I’m too damn old to do it on the floor anymore!
VAL:  I could totally pull a hammy!!  Gotta stretch it out first!
ME:  None of that legs above my head shit, either.  Damn.
VAL:  Seriously, I’m not a gymnast, Sleep!  Keep it real!
ME:  What really pisses me off is when he visits my husband and refuses to come over on my side of the bed.  I’m open for stuff, Sleep.  You can do us both at the same time!
VAL:  Sleep is such a prude whore!!!
ME:  Tru dat.

Unfortunately, my dreams of a restful, sleep-filled weekend were not to be, as I couldn’t seem to get comfortable in the hotel bed and tossed and turned throughout my restless nights there.  Which is completely adverse to my normal sleep like the dead even if a helicopter lands in your backyard mode of zonking out (yep, totally happened).  I think Sleep heard me talking smack about him and decided he was going to teach me a lesson.  Well played, Sleep.  Well played, indeed.

* Sadly, Val found out the day before our meeting that her beloved dog had a tumor in his leg, so she had to cancel.  I was very disappointed, but obviously understood that she needed to be with her family and handle this unfortunate situation.   
Of course, that means we STILL haven’t met yet.  It’s like the universe is fearful of all of our awesomeness being combined in the same atmosphere and that it’s magnitude will cause a shift in the space/time continuum or something.  Pfft.  I’m willing to take that chance.  It will be totally worth it.  Bring it!

What is YOUR favorite thing about Sleep?

***** Don’t forget to throw your hat in for this awesome giveaway!!  Not many people have entered, so either nobody loves me (most probably), or nobody wants the free stuff I’m trying to give out (who doesn’t love free stuff?).  Don’t make me take my toys and go home, people.  Show the love!!


25 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Go Jules Go
    Mar 15, 2013 @ 08:55:05

    Ha! I am not REMOTELY surprised that a text conversation between you two could evolve into a hilarious post.

    “…all ready, willing and able . . . and he’s off with my dog.” HA! Nice, Val. Although, speaking of… I’m so sorry to hear about your dog.

    I hope you two get to meet soon! If the universe can handle it.

    (And maybe I didn’t get enough of that floozy, Sleep, last night, because the helicopter bit is hurting my head.)


  2. The Cutter
    Mar 15, 2013 @ 10:34:30

    I used to be all about sleep, but then we spent some time apart, and we realized that we could both do just fine with only minimal interaction.


  3. pegoleg
    Mar 15, 2013 @ 12:24:14

    This is hysterical! Sleep and I have a dull, but mutually satisfying relationship. It’s like he’s that husband on that polygamy reality show.

    “Birthday weekend”? On top of the house being decorated? Cakes and presents, homemade cards, dinner out…jeez, Misty, how do you rate all this hoopla? The only person I know of who has a bigger deal on his birthday was born in a stable!


    • mistyslaws
      Mar 26, 2013 @ 13:17:07

      Well, I have always thought of myself as holy and pious.

      Ok, sorry . . . but that shit’s just funny.

      I’m just really lucky to have such a great family. That’s all.


  4. Jen
    Mar 15, 2013 @ 12:33:12

    Soooooo wicked jealous that you (almost) met Val. Hope you guys can coordinate at a later date. . .maybe somewhere further West. . .like, oh, say. . .P-Town. 😉


  5. Maggi Shelbourn
    Mar 15, 2013 @ 12:45:55

    Sleep usually comes at regular intervals, but since menopause has been hogging the bed, sleep avoids me like the plague. Meh. (by the way, the brussel sprouts from your bacon post, look amazing, but since I’ve gone vegetarian, soy bacon is my bitch now…I wonder how that would taste?)


  6. Ash-Matic
    Mar 15, 2013 @ 13:34:47

    That was funny.
    My favourite thing about sleep is that it’s kind of a compulsory human activity, so I don’t have to feel guilty about doing it often, and lengthily, and in lots of different positions.


  7. wcdameron
    Mar 15, 2013 @ 16:17:05

    I love sleep. I love weekends. I love sleeping late on weekends. Paul likes getting up early and carpeing the diem. We do not see eye to eye on mornings….


    • mistyslaws
      Mar 26, 2013 @ 13:22:54

      I have one of those carpeing mates. Don’t you just wanna throttle him? The only reason he’s safe is that would mean I would have to get out of the bed . . .


  8. Nelson - One Old Sage
    Mar 15, 2013 @ 16:19:52

    Now I know where that bastard has been all the time! Hanging out with everyone else. Now I am really choked. All I ask for is a little consideration and nothin’! Oh well, I guess it’s back to begging. Wait, this is starting to sound more like sex all the time!


  9. transformednonconformist
    Mar 15, 2013 @ 16:34:03

    I just discovered Val’s blog a couple of weeks ago and started following.


  10. bluzdude
    Mar 15, 2013 @ 18:24:14

    I was building up such a good jealousy, thinking you were about to go party with Val, before you burst the bubble at the end. You gotta get her to come down here, so we can all play


  11. Valerie
    Mar 18, 2013 @ 18:35:44

    I love you so hard!! I am coming to visit you as soon as you come back from Disney! For reals! I got you a rad bday present that can’t wait to meet you!!




  12. joeinvegas
    Mar 19, 2013 @ 16:31:27

    Wait a minute – were you texting while driving? That’s dangerous. If you did, congrats on the good grammar and structure


    • mistyslaws
      Mar 26, 2013 @ 13:25:22

      Nope, the hubs was driving. But even so, I don’t DO text speak. Good grammar and structure is where it’s at, yo. All the cool kids are doing it. 😉


  13. Trackback: The Val Invasion | Misty's Laws

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