The Val Invasion

This past weekend, I had a visit from a blogger friend, Valerie.  We have been trying to get together for many many months, both of us holding on to presents for the other from holidays long past (me=xmas, her=my birthday), and all previous attempts at meeting had been rescheduled or cancelled.  But this time . . . it was going to happen!  So, she made plans to drive all the way down here to the B-more area to see me this weekend.  And . . . she actually came!!!  With a last minute addition of a couple of friends to keep her company on the journey, Val showed up in my neck of the woods early Saturday afternoon, and we were able to spend the entire day together.  Shenanigans ensued.  And what follows is the tale of the wacky and wild exploits of a day with Val and Misty . . . (This will be a two-parter folks.  Yeah, there was just that much good stuff!).

In preparation for Val’s arrival, I had made plans.  Oh boy, had I made plans.  I took what I knew of her preferences and predilections, combined that with what was fun and interesting to do around my hood, and figured out a few places to go.  The first would be . . . a mannequin shop.  If anyone has ever read Val’s blog, they would know that she is obsessed with mannequins.  So much so that she owns a child sized mannequin, a dog mannequin, and various appendages, which may or may not be signed by Anthony Michael Hall.  So, in possession of  this knowledge, and in an attempt to make this a super fun weekend for her, I scoured the area to find a place where we could go see some mannequins.  And after much internet research and calling of shops that were either closed on Saturdays or where I couldn’t understand anything the person said, I finally tracked down the perfect place!

And then this happened . . .

Picture 9089

Naughty Val!!

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Creepy blue and green headless child mannequins.

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HALLELUJAH!!

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Who’s got 2 thumbs and loves mannequins . . . this girl!!

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Val had to buy something . . . a perfect match!!

Probably the most fun was when we were purchasing the hand, and the guy ringing up Val was like, “so, um why do you want the hand?”  And she basically just made up an entire back story about how she has a company called Val’s Mannequins in New Jersey, and while she doesn’t sell the mannequins, she has a ton that people just come to view, and that she puts scary masks on, etc.  Actually, now that I think about it, most of that was not fabricated.  Just the business name, I believe.  Also, when asked by what was most likely the owner of the shop (upon meeting a fellow mannequin aficionado), what they could have more of in the shop, Val thought for a millisecond and then replied, “heads.”  Yeah, it was that kind of afternoon.

And that was only our first stop!  After getting some fortification by way of food in our bellies, we headed off to our second planned event . . . a brewery tour!!!  Guys . . . that entire experience was so epic and insane that it needs its very own blog post.  Stay tuned for that later in the week . . . (yeah, I know . . . I’m an asshole.  Sue me!).

Just a taste . . .

Just a taste . . .

Moving on to the evening’s entertainment . . .  while Val and I were traipsing about with mannequins and beer, her friends were at a museum downtown.  But in the evening, we all met up at a local brew pub to have dinner and a few drinks.  I am going to tell you right now, those two friends of hers were almost as rad as Val, and that is saying something, because Val is the raddest of all rads, so . . . yeah.  They were fantastic.  An engaged couple, they were super fun and we all laughed and carried on for hours through dinner, drinks and an exchange of presents.  That’s right, Val and I would finally be exchanging our presents!  Even though I brought hers along with me earlier in the afternoon, hoping to give it to her then, she had left mine at the hotel, and refused to open hers until later.  Refused!  To open a present!  Seriously, I don’t know what is wrong with that girl.  But at the bar, she had brought mine along, so we were able to finally give each other our gifts (Merry Christmas, Val!!).  She seemed to appreciate the Perry the Platypus clock and bag full of little bottles of booze (sensing a theme to the day, yet?), but that all paled in comparison to what she gave me.  Paled I say!!  Her present to me was the most insane, appropriate, confusing and hysterical present I have ever received.  It.  Was.  Beautiful.

Picture 9175

Say hi to Lulu!!

That’s right . . . it’s a Mother Barking mannequin Yorkie dog!!  Did I tell you she was the raddest?  Exhibit A, people.  Ex-hib-it Freaking A!

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Of course she had to lick it. It’s like being Christened . . . but with more tongue.

Oh, and remember how I mentioned that her friends were rad?  Yeah, so the male part of this two person betrothed couple probably weighed about a buck fifty soaking wet.  This did not stop him from ordering the largest and most insane burger on the menu (seriously, the waitress looked at him when he ordered, and started laughing . . . we had no idea why until they brought it out). 

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It was a monster!!  You can pretty much name a meat or burger topping and that shit was in there.  And I kid you not, this wee little man (sorry Rainer, love you!!) consumed almost the entire thing.  It was a feat to behold, truly.  I feel like I was present for a sort of Kobayashi championship eating event or some shit. 

Picture 9162

Rainer, taking that mother DOWN.

For dessert, we all helped ourselves to some cupcakes I had bought earlier in the week.  Alcohol infused cupcakes, no less.  (Guys, I swear, I am not an alcoholic . . . all evidence to the contrary aside).  The only problem with these cupcakes is that I had also brought them along for Val and I to share earlier in the day (as there were only 2), but that never happened.  Consequently, they were left in my car during the brew tour.  That took two hours.  While it was 95* outside (and about 120* inside the car).  As you can imagine, they got a bit . . . melty.

Heat stroke cupcakes.

Heat stroke cupcakes.

But if you think that stopped us from basically licking the inside of that box to get all the cupcake deliciousness out . . . yeah, you apparently haven’t been paying attention to this story.  We were all over that like a momma wolf cleaning her cub.  And we were not ashamed about it at all!

Since I figure everyone is probably waiting to see a picture of Val and me together, I guess this is the appropriate time to share the portrait of the two of us:

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I know.  We are super hot broads.  We get that a lot!

Unfortunately, after much laughter and enjoyment of each other’s company, the night finally had to come to an end and I had to say goodbye to my new bestest friends.  It was very sad.  There was much hugging.  MUCH hugging.  And if any of you have been following me for a while, you know about my aversion to hugging, so you know how serious it was!  Also, I was driving home, so if you think it was because I was drunk, nope.  I was completely sober.  After enjoying a couple of drinks, I then drank water the rest of the night.  (Told you I’m not an alkie!!).

And while I probably will not see my friends again for some time (although seriously guys, get your asses back down here!!), I will always be left with this final vision of the night . . . Valerie licking a British phone booth.  I mean, it really can’t get much classier than that, can it?

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Thus ends part one of our tale.  Stay tuned for Friday’s post, which will involve more drinking, inane jackassery, and possibly a restraining order.  Good times!!

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42 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. flyingplatypi
    Jun 04, 2013 @ 08:51:12

    OMG!!!! I almost forgot about those cupcakes!!!! They were literally the best ones I ever had. I can’t wait to come back and visit again!!! I know Emily probably misses us hard core.

    Hugs!!! (You know you like it!!)

    Valerie

    Reply

  2. Go Jules Go
    Jun 04, 2013 @ 08:59:34

    Yayyy you guys finally got together!!! Sounds like a blast. And that hamburger cracked me up, too!

    I don’t know these dogs… I feel so out of the loop?

    Val is from Jersey? No wonder she’s so funny / rad.

    Reply

    • donofalltrades
      Jun 04, 2013 @ 09:08:22

      It sounds like living in New Jersey is a like like being a dad. It sort of sucks a lot, but can be fun at times, there’s lots of cursing and drinking and the stench can be awful but in the end, well, I don’t know where I’m going with this…

      Reply

    • mistyslaws
      Jun 13, 2013 @ 11:23:28

      Val did a post way back about getting a mannequin dog of her very own. She has a thing with all things mannequin, as you can tell.

      Wait, there are other rad people from Jersey??? Do tell . . .

      Reply

  3. donofalltrades
    Jun 04, 2013 @ 09:09:47

    I enjoy all these bloggers getting together stories. They’re so touching and fun. I don’t have any bloggers who’d come visit me, which is a shame because there are lots of breweries to tour around me.

    Reply

    • mistyslaws
      Jun 13, 2013 @ 11:25:28

      Where do you live again? I’d come visit if I was in the area. I like beer.

      You should take a poll on your site to see if anyone lives close to you, and then plan to stalk meet them.

      Reply

  4. thoughtsappear
    Jun 04, 2013 @ 09:26:45

    I love that she licked the dog! Oh wait…does that sound creepy?

    Reply

  5. The Cutter
    Jun 04, 2013 @ 09:32:17

    That burger looks like it would take at least a month off your life. Then again, if you gotta go…

    Reply

  6. bluzdude
    Jun 04, 2013 @ 11:20:36

    I totally have to try that burger.

    Oh, and I’m glad I’m reading this from home, because the part about Val’s Mannequins made me laugh out loud… a LOT.

    I’m kind of glad I wasn’t there, because I’d have been on the floor and ruined everything.

    Reply

    • mistyslaws
      Jun 13, 2013 @ 11:28:18

      Union Jacks in Columbia. Have at it.

      Yeah, the key to shenanigans with Val is always keeping a straight face and going with it. Just going with it. That’s when it’s the most fun.

      Reply

  7. PinotNinja
    Jun 04, 2013 @ 11:49:00

    You know what this place needs? More head.

    That cracks me up on so many levels that I can barely stand it.

    Reply

  8. joeinvegas
    Jun 04, 2013 @ 13:05:35

    Wow, Val sure likes to lick stuff.

    Reply

  9. renée a. schuls-jacobson
    Jun 04, 2013 @ 14:28:50

    As Leanne Shirtliffe would say: Don’t lick the mannequin. Or something like that. You have great friends, Misty! Glad you had fun!

    Reply

    • mistyslaws
      Jun 13, 2013 @ 11:30:15

      I only have the BEST friends, chica!! 😉

      I just realized that she never actually licked any of the mannequins. And now I’m disappointed for some reason.

      Reply

  10. The Cotton Floozy
    Jun 04, 2013 @ 15:13:59

    I am CRRAZZZY jealous of your yorkie mannequin.

    Reply

  11. pegoleg
    Jun 04, 2013 @ 18:46:46

    Sounds like a riot! Couldn’t help noticing, as Joe did, how partial Val is to licking things. Any back story on that?

    Reply

  12. Jess Witkins
    Jun 04, 2013 @ 20:37:18

    I want to go to a Mannequin Shop! I love that movie with Kim Cattrall and Andrew McCarthy. And HOLLYWOOOOOD!

    Reply

    • mistyslaws
      Jun 13, 2013 @ 11:32:30

      Of COURSE you love that movie. Because that movie is AWESOME. The sequel . . . not so much.

      And if you ever visit me, I will take you to the mannequin shop. I know people. I mean, they’re plastic people, but still.

      Reply

      • Jess Witkins
        Jun 13, 2013 @ 16:56:24

        When I was little and my mom would take me shopping with her, I would name all the mannequins we passed. This was when mannequins were still cool with painted faces, heavy eye makeup and wigs. #TrueStory

        Reply

  13. joannerambling
    Jun 04, 2013 @ 22:13:48

    Ok I came on over from Valerie’s blog because she made you sound like a bloody awesome woman so here I am and I will be back…………….

    Reply

  14. about100percent
    Jun 05, 2013 @ 11:14:42

    Fun day! Val sure knows how to give good gifts. Bag full of mini liquors? Outstanding.

    Reply

    • mistyslaws
      Jun 13, 2013 @ 11:33:50

      Actually, the bag full of mini-liquor was from me. But her gift of the mannequin dog was indeed awesome! We were both very happy that evening with our gifted items. 🙂

      Reply

  15. carpetbagger
    Jun 05, 2013 @ 12:07:29

    My colon shut down looking at that burger. And the licking thing kind of freaks me out. By the way, shouldn’t Purell make a mouthwash?

    Reply

    • mistyslaws
      Jun 13, 2013 @ 11:34:44

      It was painful watching him try to eat it. I swear, his jaw unhooked like a snake swallowing his prey. It was a wonder to behold.

      Her immune system must rival the gods!

      Reply

  16. Don't Quote Lily
    Jun 05, 2013 @ 13:42:25

    That sounds like so much fun! Looking forward to part 2…seriously, it gets crazier? 😉

    Reply

  17. rachelocal
    Jun 05, 2013 @ 19:12:03

    You and Val are soul mates. 🙂

    Reply

  18. Nelson - One Old Sage
    Jun 06, 2013 @ 11:01:27

    What a great day! Thanks for sharing and I look forward to part two.

    Reply

  19. Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd
    Jun 06, 2013 @ 16:56:05

    Val must have an amazing immune system. I’m just assuming she isn’t constantly sick from licking random things.

    On a hot day like that you’re lucky nobody noticed the cupcakes suffering inside – they may have broken a window to save them.

    Reply

  20. Trackback: Shenanigans with Val: Racist Parking Lots, Closed Sidewalks & Ren Fest | Misty's Laws

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