Good Beer, No Sh*t

When we last left our intrepid heroes . . . my good friend Valerie had descended upon the great state of Maryland, to share her awesomeness with this part of the mid-Atlantic.  I spoke of our initial trip to the mannequin store, and of our evening out with her friends at the brew pub.  Much shenanigans were detailed.  (If you haven’t read the first part of this tale, go back now and start your journey at the beginning).

What I have yet to explain, and the purpose of this post, is the intervening time bookended by those two activities above.  Directly following our mannequin store visit, we drove straight out to Frederick, MD, home of the Flying Dog Brewery.  In planning the weekend for Val, I looked around at different events and activities around the area, and saw that the brewery held tours of their facility.  Seeing that the tours also included beer tastings, and being a good friend and a good host (because that’s what friends do . . . get their friends nice and inebriated on their vacations!), I figured this would be a fun event.  I was lucky enough to get a reservation for the two of us (this was before I knew that she was bringing friends), so off to Frederick we went for an afternoon of education and beer drinking.  Huzzah!!

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Before we even entered the building, we were excited about the experience.  I mean, how much do you want a sign at your job that reserves your Alpha Bitch parking space?  Yeah, me too.

We arrived early enough that we were able to take a look around.  The first thing we saw was a huge chalkboard that listed all of the beers they had to offer.  Val was suitably impressed . . .

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Although, they did tell us that no beer drinking was allowed before the tour, so we were just going to have to wait.  But that’s ok, because our tour was about to start, and that is when we got to meet our tour guide extraordinaire . . . Emily!

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Emily was so incredibly rad.  Seriously, she was informative, had a great sense of humor, and really knew her beer.  Plus . . . she gave us beer.  So, you know, that might have something to do with how hard Val and I fell in love with this lovely lady.  We miss you, Emily!!

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A beer Goddess!!

Emily told us the story of the founder of the brewery, George Stranahan, who named it Flying Dog after viewing a painting in a tiny bar in Pakistan.  Having just finished a long trek up the second highest mountain in the world, he gazed upon a picture of a dog with wings and felt that it was a kindred spirit, representing how he felt about the monumental journey he and his companions had just taken.  I’m sure it also had nothing to do with the fact that he was imbibing some local spirits in that bar at the time.

Once we knew some of the history of the brewery, it was time for the tour.  We were ushered around to the different areas within the building, viewing all of the various steps that a beer must travel through before it becomes frothy goodness ready to get in my belly.  As you might imagine, Val and I got up to some jackassery whilst the tour was going on.

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We were like the bad kids in the back of the class that just fool around and pass notes, so that the teacher has to eventually separate them.  Sorry Ms. Emily!!  We’ll be good.

We did pay attention for the most part, since despite all of the fun distractions, it was a very interesting and informative tour.  Not to mention seeming like one of the coolest places to work ever.  And I am not just saying that in an “I want to work there so I can drink BEER all day” frat boy Neanderthal way, either.  It just has a great vibe about it and would appear to not take itself too seriously.  For example . . .

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This was the door to Quality Control . . . yeah.

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The sign next to the huge-ass bottling machine.

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A zombie mannequin torso in the warehouse, where they display all the metals they have won for their beer.

I could fall in love with a place like that!  A far cry from my own personal hell, aka my current job.  We don’t have any zombie mannequin torsos around here to hold all of our medals.  Hell, we don’t have any medals, for that matter!

Once the official tour was finished, that is when the real fun started . . . the tasting.  We were each given a wristband with 5 little tabs on it (indicating 5 tastings, duh), and that was in addition to the beer poured by Emily on the tour.  (I mentioned we love her, right?  Just wanna make sure we covered that . . .).

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Decisions, decisions . . .

Ok, so I guess you are wondering how the beer tasted, hmmm?  Well, it was FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC, of course!!  I mean, yeah it was pretty good, I guess.  Actually, we really did enjoy our beer tasting, but what we enjoyed more at this point, was a little bit more Emily . . . (you didn’t think we were done with her yet, did you?).  We even got a picture of the three of us together . . .

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Not only that, but there was this amazingly gorgeous metal throne in the lobby area that was all red velvet roped and off-limits.  We asked her about it, telling her that we thought is was super cool, and she not only whipped out her laptop to show us the video they just made featuring that there chair (seriously, watch that video . . . it is awesomesauce!), but she even allowed us to sit in it!!  Did I tell you she was the raddest, or what?

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Queen Bitch Val!!

After we watched the video for Raging Bitch (kindred spirits, that), Emily went on to show us the other most recent video for Snake Dog Ale, which was similarly awesome.  So, you see, she wasn’t just a tour guide, beer server and employee of Flying Dog . . . she was like our own personal Julie McCoy!  So, we decided to profess our love in the only way we could . . . creepy love notes.  This was mine, of the more subtle approach:

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This was the Flying Dog provided survey form that I filled out after the tour.  I handed it to Emily, and told her that I would like this to be considered as my application for employment.  Val was a bit less subtle in her profession of love for our dear Emily.  First, she whipped out her handy dandy notebook that some kind blogger sent to her, along with some other shit, in a past giveaway (said blogger also likes to gift people with tiny bottles of booze . . . said blogger is awesome).

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And then this happened . . .

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We put this on top of Emily’s laptop as we left.  We had wanted to give her a great big hug and to say thanks for the great time before we left.  However, when it was time for us to depart, we were told that she had gone “upstairs” to the “offices.”  We’re pretty sure this was code for going to the local constabulary to file a restraining order against us.  So now, we are probably limited to viewing our Emily from afar . . . like from about 50 feet away.  Either that, or she was so creeped out by us that she was filing for a name change and running away to Utah, to start a new and secret life, hidden from the crazy girl bloggers who she assumed wanted to wear her head as a hat.  (We love your hair, Emily, but we would never do something quite so creepy.  Stalkerish notes are where we draw the line!).

So class, what have we learned from this (incredibly long) tale?  Well, three simple lessons:

1.  Emily is awesome.
2.  Flying Dog beer is delicious.
3.  Val and I should not be allowed out in civilized society.

Class dismissed!  Let’s go get some beer . . . the first round is on me.

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37 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. She's a Maineiac
    Jun 07, 2013 @ 08:46:43

    Screw going to medical school….I want to become a brewery tour guide now.


    • mistyslaws
      Jun 13, 2013 @ 11:44:08

      I know! While most mothers will attempt to lead their children into lucrative professions such as doctor or lawyer, I’m going to advise my kids that Brewery Tour Guide is where it’s at!


  2. Go Jules Go
    Jun 07, 2013 @ 08:50:12

    Ha! This is awesome from start to finish (and might I add that Val is a lovely model?)! Any place that has a someecard, a zombie, and that chair, on TOP of booze, is tops in my book.

    I would LOVE to read all of the questionnaires they get back from their drunken guests.


  3. The Cutter
    Jun 07, 2013 @ 08:57:02

    I didn’t realize that was in Frederick. I’m only 20 minutes away. I’ve been on a few brewery tours, and I’m always left a little disappointed. I think I go in expecting Willie Wonka’s factory or something, but sadly they are usually bereft of little orange men.


    • Fresh Ginger
      Jun 07, 2013 @ 10:58:11

      I worked at a microbrewery once upon a time and was scorned severely at suggesting that the restaurant hostess (who was very vertically challenged and had huge curly red hair, by the way) start the brewery tours. My Ooompa Loompa reference was not taken as a compliment. (I may or may not have been ‘testing’ some brews when said comments were made.) They still have no idea what kind of Willy Wonka wonderfulness opportunities they were missing out on …


    • thoughtsappear
      Jun 10, 2013 @ 08:42:38

      Do it! And then headed just up street to Friscos for their exploded potatoes. They put crack in them. So delicious…..


    • mistyslaws
      Jun 13, 2013 @ 11:47:22

      Cutter – you should totally go. It was awesome. Hard to get into, though, because it is mucho popular, but if you book out far enough, you’ll be golden!

      As to the Oompa Loompas . . . while we were touring, we even mentioned that the only thing that would make it better was to have them perform a song and dance. They are so rad that if suggested, they might even appreciate and impliment the idea!


  4. renée a. schuls-jacobson
    Jun 07, 2013 @ 09:07:01

    1. Flying Dog should send you a case of wine for this review.
    2. I know Emily was wearing the purple sneakers. Which one of you got her gray Converse pull-on sneakers at Target?
    3. I’m a little unclear. Did you and Val like Emily? 😉


  5. donofalltrades
    Jun 07, 2013 @ 09:18:57

    Oh Misty, I think this post is causing me to fall in love with you. Lol. Good times!


    • mistyslaws
      Jun 13, 2013 @ 11:49:14

      Oh dear, I was afraid this would happen. Pretty sure it’s just the beer you have the googly eyes for. Don’t worry, it will pass. Go have a brewsky.


  6. bluzdude
    Jun 07, 2013 @ 10:35:12

    What a great way to game the “Customer Comments” system… get the responders rip-roaring drunk first!

    Val looks quite “at home” on the throne, which is a little bit terrifying.


    • mistyslaws
      Jun 13, 2013 @ 11:50:03

      I can only imagine the feedback they get.

      I was a little afraid that she was going to try to start a coup right there at the brewery, as I think the power was going to her head.


  7. Fresh Ginger
    Jun 07, 2013 @ 10:53:19

    I have decided that I need that parking sign for my office. We are having a bit of parking lot drama lately and I am going to CUT the next person that parks in my preferred spot. CUT THEM.


    • mistyslaws
      Jun 13, 2013 @ 11:50:39

      Hmmm, cutting people, or at least the threat thereto, definitely qualifies you for an Alpha Bitch parking sign!!


      • Fresh Ginger
        Jun 13, 2013 @ 12:56:37

        Funny story. The parking impaired bitch had to do the walk of shame through my office yesterday. Our office suites share a hallway to a bathroom with locking doors. Apparently, she locked herself out and had to trek through my office space. Head hung looooow. blahahahah It made my day!


  8. Rosie
    Jun 07, 2013 @ 11:07:02

    I’m in love with Emily, just from reading this post!


  9. Jess Witkins
    Jun 07, 2013 @ 13:21:32

    This is a fabulous follow up to your employment application. They should be calling you any day now. And brewery tour guides are the BEST people!


  10. joeinvegas
    Jun 07, 2013 @ 14:39:29

    But what comes first, the medals or the mannequin? Perhaps if you get a zombie mannequin torso and put it in the office the medals would come. Or the suggestions that you get your resume out there.


  11. hiddinsight
    Jun 07, 2013 @ 15:00:41

    OK. A few things here. That zombie torso wasn’t just sporting medals around his neck…or am I the only one who can see his balls?
    Next…just “jackassery.” Thank you for that. I will add it to my collection of awesomery words.
    Next…I don’t like beer.
    Next…what the heck? Why no pic’s of Misty? Surely your parole officer wouldn’t mind ONE. Or…wait, was Emily your parole officer? Okay, I get it now.
    So did they hire you? Or do we have to wait til the next post to find out?


    • mistyslaws
      Jun 13, 2013 @ 11:55:06

      You are NOT the only one who sees that, as Val and I honed in on that little detail first thing. I just didn’t mention it in the post because I’ve got too much goddamned class. :p

      No pics of me on the blog ever. It’s just my thing. I figured the 87 pictures of Val would make up for it. Oh! And you get a pic of my foot, so there’s that.

      It’s so weird that they haven’t called yet to hire me after that brilliant application and follow up writing sample (i.e. love note). I’m not sure what the problem is . . .


  12. weezafish
    Jun 07, 2013 @ 15:10:38

    Damn I wish I was you Misty. Or Val. NO .. Emily! Sounds like a blast. So glad your meet up was fun. And beery. And Emilylerly ok, ok stopping now.


  13. flyingplatypi
    Jun 07, 2013 @ 15:42:02

    Wait… We draw the line at stalkerish notes?!? Damn… I guess I should get out from under her bed.

    P. s. I miss you ❤




  14. Brown Road Chronicles
    Jun 08, 2013 @ 09:49:50

    Ha! That tour survey is awesome. Looks like fun. I’ve never met a beer I didn’t like!


  15. joannerambling
    Jun 09, 2013 @ 00:44:45

    I am not a beer drinker, I have never taken to the taste of it………………..


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