A Whole Grained Problem

I tend to avoid posting anything that involves divisive topics such as politics or religion.  But it has recently come to my attention that Cheerios has a new ad on TV, and this ad is apparently causing some people to vocally take issue with the message being conveyed within.  Being of a curious nature, I decided that I needed to see what all the hubbub was about.  If you have not seen it, please take a moment to do so at this time, so you can be as well informed as I now am:

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It seems that there are many people out there that are appalled that Cheerios would show a family consisting of a white mother, a black father, and a mixed race child.  The ad has been called out by religious organizations and conservatives for sending the wrong message.  And you know what . . . I have to agree.

This ad is not just advertising its heart healthy cereal, which you can find in the recesses of every minivan seat in the nation, but it is promoting a mingling of different races, as evidenced by this beautiful cafe au lait child.  And really, I find that appalling.  How could anyone believe that a white woman and a black man could possibly find each other attractive enough to not only marry, but produce offspring!!  I feel that this is a slippery slope, my friends, and that action must be taken immediately!

We’ve already seen the sullying of perfectly good white milk when poured atop chocolatey cereals, turning the previously pure liquid into a mocha nightmare!  Surely, if something drastic is not done, cereal companies all over will follow Cheerios’ example of promoting the mingling of people of different skin tones, and then what will happen?  Anarchy, that’s what.  We must protect our Wheaties and Frosted Flakes at all costs, people!!  I mean, what’s next . . . a Hispanic Snap, Jewish Crackle & Hindu Pop?  Preposterous!!

Cheerios has gone too far this time.  And really, we should have seen this coming, as their prior actions have shown a progression to this point all along, and we just never realized it before.  It started with a mix of Honey and Nuts.  Sure, this seems logical and harmless, but it was the first stop on a runaway train of intermingling of ingredients that has now led us to this crisis.  They followed this seemingly innocuous pairing with further indications of their hippy liberal ways . . . Multi-Grain Cheerios.  Multi-Grain.  All of those multiple grains, just living in peace and harmony together, instead of just the one true grain, as nature intended?  Red flag, people.  Right there.  Why did nobody stop this then?

Following along this path, the next creation they presented to the masses was Frosted Cheerios, which is a white sugary coating blanketing the original Cheerios.  Hmm, you know what?  That one is fine.  Let’s move on.

Next on the list of abominations was the Fruity Cheerios.  You see what’s happening here, don’t you?  Fruity.  Fruity.  Yeah, when they came out with this one, the world should have taken note of how far Cheerios was off the beaten path of mainstream, wholesome cereals, and how they were clearly dabbling in witchcraft and sorcery.

So really, it was no surprise when they next released their most horrid abomination of breakfast foods . . . Chocolate Cheerios.  That’s right, a dark cocoa cereal that was to co-mingle with wholesome white milk, all in one bowl, to create a horrifying mix of flavors and colors.  And instead of getting out the pitchforks and torches at that point and charging the castle of the Cheerios corporation, what happened?  Well, I’ll tell you . . . parents and children rejoiced in a healthy and nutritious cereal that also tasted of chocolatey goodness.  How could they not see?  It was right there in front of their faces!  It was obvious that these things were of the devil, because only demonic forces could create a scrumptious mocha delight that was both good for you and low in fat and calories.  But no, they were blinded by this seemingly innocent and ridiculously delicious new creation.  And so the world continued to allow Cheerios to go on promoting their heart healthy campaign through their multi-hued and various flavors of cereals . . . as if our entire society wasn’t being irrevocably and disastrously altered!

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Unholy abomination!

And now, it has gone too far.  Not content to subtly permeate the world with their misguided notions of acceptance and harmony through cereal foods, they have blatantly presented this controversial commercial to the unsuspecting and trusting public.  There is nothing to do now but wait for the collapse of civilization as we know it.  If blacks and whites can live harmoniously together, soon we will have pigs and cows shacking up together and creating cowpigs.  Horses mating with sheep, and giving birth to fluffy long-nosed creatures.  This is the path we are travelling down, people!  If we don’t stop them, the madness will never end.

Somebody must take a stand.  And that standing somebody is none other than yours truly.  I stand up for plain and regular Cheerios!  I stand up for whole grains that are not mixed with other grains!  I stand up for white milk being poured over tan cereal and creating a slightly creme colored liquid!  I stand for truth, justice and non-flavored cereals!  I stand up . . . for the children!!

Who will stand with me?

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68 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. toni596
    Jun 12, 2013 @ 08:46:32

    Loved it!

    Reply

  2. Louella
    Jun 12, 2013 @ 08:53:29

    Yes I stand for all of that too (but with Coco Pops) and and…

    Also.. I stand for the taste buds. Someone has to speak for them.

    Great read!

    Reply

  3. sarah9188
    Jun 12, 2013 @ 08:59:35

    First of all, THERE ARE CHOCOLATE CHEERIOS?!? Sorry, just got a little excited there.

    As for the post itself, brilliance. I don’t understand people. I consider myself to be conservative, but this makes my heart hurt to hear such racism still being perpetuated. Sigh. 😦

    I applaud you, Misty. *slow clap*

    Reply

  4. Kitten Thunder's Girl
    Jun 12, 2013 @ 08:59:44

    It’s all been going downhill since they stopped putting dividers on plates so my pork chop touched my mashed potatoes and was exposed to my cranberry crumble. And don’t even get me started on brown gravy on the Other White Meat.

    Reply

  5. Go Jules Go
    Jun 12, 2013 @ 09:19:05

    “Hispanic Snap, Jewish Crackle & Hindu Pop” – HA!

    And this doesn’t even TOUCH on cereal killers.

    Sorry. Had to.

    Reply

  6. renée a. schuls-jacobson
    Jun 12, 2013 @ 09:28:47

    Love what you did with this! 🙂 Please don’t back away from potentially decisive topics in the future. In fact, I vote Misty for El Presidente!

    Reply

    • mistyslaws
      Jun 20, 2013 @ 15:59:46

      Yes, I do believe I would be a kind and just ruler. Misty for El Presidente, indeed!!

      Will you be my Minister of Propaganda? I think you would have a knack for it. 😉

      Thanks for all of your help. I never would have gotten here without it. You rock!

      Reply

  7. thoughtsappear
    Jun 12, 2013 @ 09:40:18

    Remember the Strawberry and Banana Cheerios? I loved those things. Now…they’re gone. Your post reminded me of those…and now I’m tearing up over here.

    Reply

    • mistyslaws
      Jun 20, 2013 @ 16:00:35

      I’m so sorry to bring back such painful memories. But I have to say . . . I have no memory of those at all. I fell like I really missed something special there.

      Reply

  8. Andrea @ Maybe It's Just Me
    Jun 12, 2013 @ 09:56:39

    You know that they have peanut butter ones too, so clearly they are after those with peanut allergies now as well. So appalling! Glad you made your stand…I am saluting you with an outstretched hand (wink, wink

    Reply

    • mistyslaws
      Jun 20, 2013 @ 16:01:42

      Your salute is duly noted, citizen. 😉

      I’ve seen the peanut butter ones, but don’t think I’ve bought them yet. I got the caramel ones (dulce de leche) and those are good.

      Reply

  9. Rosie
    Jun 12, 2013 @ 10:51:09

    Now I want a half sheep, half horse, fluffy, long-nosed creature!!!

    Reply

  10. dirtyrottenparenting
    Jun 12, 2013 @ 11:54:15

    I just saw banana nut cheerios the other day. Can you say phallic symbol. Clearly they are attempting to promote a more masculine type of breakfast cereal. Very sexist.

    Reply

  11. The Cutter
    Jun 12, 2013 @ 11:57:39

    Sometimes I mix the peanut butter Cheerios with the chocolate Cheerios. I know, I know. I’m quite the subversive.

    Reply

  12. about100percent
    Jun 12, 2013 @ 12:06:23

    I have never considered myself a hippy-dippy lib, but now that I’ve read this, I will be contacting General Mills to inform them that I am onto their brainwashing tactics and will no longer support them by my bulk purchases of Multi-Grain Cheerios. Who knew that their wholesome goodness (with a touch of sweetness) was so subversive? Humph. I feel victimized.

    Reply

  13. aliceatwonderland
    Jun 12, 2013 @ 12:42:39

    Cowpigs, omg, still laughing. I just can’t believe people are actually that ridiculous. I could see some of these whackjobs reading this and goin’ yeah this girl has it right, man, the sarcasm shooting straight over their square heads. Awesome post.

    Reply

    • mistyslaws
      Jun 20, 2013 @ 15:54:21

      I can’t believe it either. And yes, you may be write. There are people out there who are so entrenched in their bigotry, that they probably wouldn’t even get the satire. Despite that, it had to be done.

      Thanks!

      Reply

  14. Mandi
    Jun 12, 2013 @ 13:17:17

    You know what this reminds me of? Do you remember a few years back when Cookie Monster declared publicly that cookies are just a once in a while treat instead of a constant meal? Do you remember how people lost their shit? I feel that there is a sad and somewhat frightening parallel here.

    Habits are developed early, be it nutritional or social, and if the parents can’t be bothered to change with the times, but Good Old PBS or General Mills has the leverage to get that kind of exposure out there, good on them.

    Reply

  15. Don't Quote Lily
    Jun 12, 2013 @ 13:46:28

    I don’t know why you shy away from political topics…you should definitely write satires more often!

    I really can’t believe there are still people who think that way in the 21st century. Such a shame.

    Reply

  16. bluzdude
    Jun 12, 2013 @ 16:20:58

    I think the curse of intermingled breakfast cereal goes back even further, to the introductionof the Raisin to the Bran. And don’t even get me started on Crunchberries.

    Seriously, I was surprised that this was even still an issues. I thought the biggoted assholes had turned their attention to the gays. Who knew?

    Reply

    • mistyslaws
      Jun 20, 2013 @ 16:07:23

      Apparently, some are still stuck on the racism kick. Weird. I mean, I would think hatred of same sex couples would keep them fully occupied, but apparently they still have time for a little bigotry of race as well. They are multi-taskers.

      Reply

  17. pegoleg
    Jun 12, 2013 @ 16:23:47

    I stand with you…unless they want to mess with Lucky Charms. I’m OK with the blacks and the Asians, but we don’t want the Irish!

    Reply

  18. Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd
    Jun 12, 2013 @ 16:54:30

    Great post, Misty. I actually bought plain Cheerios this week and I NEVER buy Cheerios. I thought it was because I was making some snack mix that called for plain Cheerios but I now know it was because of this post WHICH I HADN’T EVEN READ YET. Spoooky.

    Reply

  19. Jess Witkins
    Jun 12, 2013 @ 18:15:40

    I don’t see what the problem is. Please notify me when Gay Bunches of Oats comes out…so I know where to audition!

    Reply

  20. joeinvegas
    Jun 12, 2013 @ 18:32:34

    I think you’re wrong on the frosted Cheerios. Putting that white frosting on the beige cereal is just wrong wrong wrong.

    Reply

  21. flyingplatypi
    Jun 12, 2013 @ 20:51:16

    If we do not stand for this, who will?!! Yes! Fight and you may die. Run and you
    will live at least awhile. And dying in your bed many years from now,
    would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for
    one chance, just one cahnce, to come back here as young people and tell
    our enemies that they may take our lives but they will never take
    our freedom!

    Hugs!

    Valerie

    Reply

  22. JM Randolph
    Jun 12, 2013 @ 21:18:40

    Cowpigs= bacon cheeseburger, ready-made. And I had no idea there were such a thing as chocolate cheerios. I’m sorry, I can’t stand with you. I have to go find the other flavors, stat.

    Reply

    • mistyslaws
      Jun 20, 2013 @ 16:12:02

      No, JM . . . come back!! Damn, lost another one to the delicious and nutritious monster that is Cheerios.

      And you present a compelling argument for cowpigs. I may have to change my mind about them.

      Reply

  23. joannerambling
    Jun 13, 2013 @ 00:10:26

    Never heard of chocolate cheerios but that might be because I am in a different country

    Reply

  24. Nelson - One Old Sage
    Jun 13, 2013 @ 11:07:40

    You had me going for a couple of seconds. Great post!

    Reply

  25. Vesta Vayne
    Jun 13, 2013 @ 16:43:21

    Like everyone else, I’m totally thrown by the chocolate and peanut butter Cheerios.

    As for the commercial, if I had to take a guess at what you were going to write about, I would have thought it was false advertising with the heart smart stuff, or something along those lines. Who gets upset over a mixed race family? Last time I checked, this was 2013. Did we go back in time or something? Gawd, people are stupid.

    Reply

  26. thesinglecell
    Jun 13, 2013 @ 20:40:13

    Next they’ll be turning those Os into squares. Or worse: TRIANGLES. Like that gay TeleTubby!

    Reply

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