I Do NOT Have a Problem

If you were to visit my home and walk into my dining room, the first thing that would be apparent to you is that we do not use that room to dine.  There is no dining room table, no chairs, no side hutch.  Pretty much a whole lot of nothing in the middle of that room.  Not that the room is completely empty.  There are two folding tables set up against two walls of the room, in an L shaped formation. These tables are mostly used to hold a bunch of crap that we don’t want piling up in other parts of our house.  Until we invite guests over, and then the piles of crap are relocated to another hidden room so people don’t think we are animals living in a pigsty.  Shhhh, don’t tell.

Along the opposite wall of this room is a very old liquor cabinet and small wine rack.  The liquor cabinet travelled with us when we moved from our previous home, and originated who knows where, as it was purchased cheap from Goodwill in an effort to fill an empty bachelor’s new home about 14 years ago.  The wine rack was purchased a few years after, and also travelled with us from our former residence.  Those few pieces of furniture are the extent of items in that room . . . unless you count the copious amounts of liquor taking up valuable real estate on the floor.

I have previously had concerns that if someone happened to visit our home and see not only a stuffed to bursting liquor cabinet, but also a full wine rack and approximately 27 bottles of booze on the floor, that they might think that they are in a home full of alcoholics.  It would not be an unreasonable assessment, based on the present visual evidence being presented to them, but it would indeed be inaccurate.  You see, if we really were alcoholics, do you think all of those bottles would actually survive long enough to accrue and take over all of that space?  Any alcoholic worth their salt would have binged on those things long ago, leaving them with perhaps a half empty bottle of vanilla in their pantry, if they are doing it right.* 

However, that does not negate the fact that having all of this liquor littering our floor is still a bit embarrassing and messy.  So, with that in mind, I decided to organize and maybe purge some of our booze bottles, many of which had not been seen or touched in numerous years.  So, I pulled every bottle out of the liquor cabinet, every bottle off of the wine rack, and grabbed all of those bottles from the floor, and commenced to peruse and organize.  Honestly, the visual of all of that liquor spread over the dining room was quite impressive . . .

You are probably wondering to yourself, how on earth does one actually obtain that much liquor?  Either that or you are wondering where I live so you can come by for a cocktail.  I get that a lot.  But, as to the root problem at hand, there are various events and situations that have culminated to create this stunning display.  The first is the fact that the hubs travels quite a bit, many times to foreign countries.  So, what’s a better gift to bring home than a local wine or a bottle of booze from duty-free, right?  Apparently.  An additional cause stems from the many times I’ve sent my hubs to the liquor store to get some beer for people who are coming over, either just to swim in the pool, or for a more formal invited gathering.  Inevitably, he would not only bring home the requisite beer, but a few bottles of booze that happened to catch his eye that he thought might be interesting to try.  This is why we have an entire bottle (but for a taste) of Maple Bacon Liquor, and no less than 15 different varieties of flavored vodkas, including Loopy and Cake.

The third cause would be me.  No, I am not putting all of this on the hubs.  Most of it, yes, but I have some complicity in this debacle as well.  You see, I like to make new and interesting cocktails.  Any time people visit, I like to impress and dazzle them with a new found delicious concoction.  Sometimes, these recipes call for liquor that I either do not own, or that I do, but I end up buying another bottle of anyway because I don’t know that I own it, and am stopping at the liquor store on the way home and have no way to check before purchasing.  (This little fact is why I have two almost full bottles each of Triple Sec, Kahlua and Cruzan light rum . . . oops).

So, the organization project was necessary, as you can see.  I was able to get rid of a few old bottles and some mixes that had expired around the end of the Bush administration.  That would be the first Bush, by the way.  Plus, I could take stock of what I actually had, so that the next time I get an itch to make something new and exciting, I hopefully will remember what liquors I actually own.  Well, conceivably anyway. 

Especially since I am now taking an online bartending class, and will need to practice making all sorts of classic drinks.  This means I will most likely have to supplement my already stocked bar with some basics that I am currently missing, like Scotch and Gin.  So, I guess that means another trek to the liquor store and more bottles that I have to find room for.

Now that I think of it, I might have a little bit of a problem after all.

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* This is a joke made all in good fun.  I am not in any way trying to belittle anyone’s efforts at sobriety, as I have many friends who are currently either battling or maintaining their defenses against the evil beast of alcoholism raging at their door.  I hope that anyone who needs help, can find the support that they seek.