Dirty Laundry

Be forewarned . . . this is a super ranty post.  Much bad language within.  Proceed with caution . . .

Last Friday, our washing machine broke.  We realized this when it started making crazy buzzing noises and then would not drain a load of my au pair’s clothes.  My husband called to make an appointment to get it fixed, as we have a service contract we signed up for many years ago which covers service calls and repairs.  The earliest appointment they offered was for Monday, between noon and 5:00.  This would be problematic for a few reasons.  Number one:  it is a front loading washer and would not drain, hence the clothes and water would have to stay in there for 3 days and could not be removed or dried without an extreme soaking of the entire laundry room.  Number two: I always do all of my laundry on Sundays, so I would be unable to wash my sheets, towels or clothing until possibly Monday night.  Nevertheless, it was the best they had, so we had no choice but to accept it.  We arranged with the au pair for her to be around from noon to 5:00 on Monday, as my hubs would be out of town and I would be at work all day, and she was fine with this as she had no other plans.

So, Monday afternoon rolls around and I text the au pair, “has anyone shown up yet?” “No” is the answer I receive.  Hmmmm, ok.  Well, I guess they are going to be closer to 5:00 than noon. 

I arrive home around 5:30 and ask if they ever appeared.  I get the same response as before.  Well . . . crap.  So, I call my husband and inform him of the situation.  He immediately gets on the phone to the company and inquires as to what the fuck is going on.  He reports back with the information he received from the very “helpful” Filipino customer service representative . . . the tech is running late, but will arrive between 7:30 and 8:00.  Well, that is annoying, but I was going to be home, so I figured it would be ok.  The tech was just going to get to experience me in all of my pajama’d glory is all.  So, I fed the kids and settle in to wait for a pending arrival.  The au pair similarly waits, since she was going to get her clothes out (finally) and be able to dry them. 

As I’m waiting, I realize that he’s going to have to open the washer and that there are sopping wet clothes just floating around in a big puddle, and that they will need to be removed so that he can get in there and do his thing.  Figuring I have about a half hour before he will arrive, I decide to go to it.  So, I open the washer door . . . and encounter a gushing waterfall escaping from its confinement like a prisoner on release day.  So I close the door again, quickly.  I go into the garage to find some type of containment device, and happen upon one of my kid’s sand buckets from our ocean city trip.  Not finding any other appropriate receptacle, I figure that will have to do.  So, I go back in and open the door again, placing the bucket beneath the onslaught of water, and catch approximately half of it. 

Unfortunately, simultaneously with the spewing forth of liquid, I come to a horrible realization . . . water sitting in an enclosed space for three full days turns into the vilest smelling swampy liquid known to man.  It was horrendous!  So, I hand the bucket of sludgy brown water to the au pair, telling her to dump that mess outside, I grab some old towels to mop up the small lake that has formed on the laundry room floor, and proceed to breathe through my mouth as I collect the sopping towels and dripping swampy clothes, and put them all in a basket that I then take outside. 

Deserted island of swampy clothes.

Deserted island of swampy clothes.

I cannot stress enough the nasal attack that occurred when I was dealing with the innards of that machine.  It was like a shit and toxic waste filled swamp baking in the August heat of the Louisiana sun, rolled up in a baby’s poopy diaper, with a sprinkling of a peep show jizz bucket thrown in for a little extra flavor, and housed inside a gym bag filled with sweaty socks and cleats that have been sitting in a car trunk for a week straight.  Seriously vile, people. 

Do NOT inhale!

Do NOT inhale!

I opened the window, burned some candles, closed the door to the room, hung a car air freshener on the outside of the door, and prayed to anything that might be listening that the smell would stay inside (it didn’t).  I did not envy the encounter that service tech would have when he appeared soon after.

Except . . . he didn’t appear soon after.  Eight o’clock came and went.  And no tech.  So, I contacted my husband again, who called the service center and was greeted by another Filipino customer service agent who did not speak English very well, but continued to assure my husband that the tech was on his way.  He stayed on the phone with them pretty much non-stop, requesting managers, yelling, and getting hung up on numerous times.  Still . . . no tech.  By 9:45, the au pair and I decided to call it a night, knowing full well that nobody was coming and that it had all been a big, fat lie.  My husband assured me that he would get someone there the next morning, despite the fact that they were telling him the next available appointment was for Thursday.  My husband had obtained the CEO’s info at this point, along with the names and contact information for the entire board of directors.  He does this shit for a living, people.  They would rue the day, by the time he was finished with them.

In the meantime, I still couldnt’ wash my clothes.  Crap.

So, the next day comes, I go to work, hubs is still out of town, and the au pair is on call to wait yet again for the tech.  Many messages are sent back and forth from the hubs and au pair all day.  Bottom line . . . once again, nobody appears at our house.  The hubs and I are livid.  We are breathing fire at this point.  What. The.  Fuck?  This is a business, yes?  That wants to make money?  Je ne comprends pas!  How is this even possible?

The hubs once again goes on phone assault, but after another couple of hours of pointlessness, gives it up for the night, as he has to get on a plane to come home that evening, and also to escape the very real possibility of having a heart attack from his severely raised blood pressure resulting from the customoron service representatives.  He vows to continue his quest in the morning to get someone to our house to look at this damn broken machine. 

The next day comes, and we are both very busy at work.  By the time we touch base in the afternoon, he tells me that despite his best efforts, they are still saying Thursday, which is tomorrow at this point.  By now, we are both just beaten down by the absurdity and frustration of the entire process.  He tells me that he did actually contact the CEO, and good news . . . we are now Blue Ribbon Customers!  Well then, at least there’s that.

Here are some of the messages I received from the hubs during this process:

Can’t believe your husband went away this week.  He must be an A-hole.

Me:  (At 9:00 Monday night)  I’ll be in bed before they come!!  It’s utter bullshit that ANYONE is on their way!  Him:  I know, I have smoke all up my ass.  I am still on hold.  Now they keep hanging up on me!

Just told them I will fly to their headquarters if I need to and I fucking will.

Feel like tippin shit over.

I am an expert at this shit and they are making it hard for ME.  Can you imagine what normal customers go through with them?

(He’s not normally quite so profane, but BOTH of us were losing our fool minds at this point, and the F bombs were flying around like stink bugs!).

As of press time, we have still not seen an actual person appear at our home to fix this machine.  The really discouraging news is that once they do appear (IF they ever do), they most likely will look at it, tell us X is broken and that they will have to order that part, and that they will return in a week to install it once it is delivered.  This ain’t our first rodeo.  We know how this shit works.  And despite my demands to my husband that the tech better have every single part that could possibly be broken or installed into our machine with him, or he will have to go to the nearest Home Depot to get the part that day, I know that this will never happen.  Or as my husband would say, “you’re so cute.”  Hell, I’ll be shocked if anyone ever even shows up at this point!

I swear, we are going to OWN this company by the time we are through with them.  Lying, unreliable bastards.

48 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. bluzdude
    Oct 31, 2013 @ 10:02:22

    Thank you for the cautionary tale. I will never own a front-loading washer, thanks to your post.

    Meanwhile, the simple top-loader I bought in 1997 just keeps spinning its way along…


  2. thoughtsappear
    Oct 31, 2013 @ 10:25:17

    Ick! To everything. To the smell and to the company. So laundry party at my house on Sunday?


    • mistyslaws
      Nov 12, 2013 @ 16:17:44

      Awww, thanks for the offer. You are the sweetest! He eventually came and fixed the damn thing. There was a laundry party at MY house for about 3 days straight!


  3. Vanessa-Jane Chapman
    Oct 31, 2013 @ 10:30:40

    I could be wrong, and I know you hid it well, but I’m getting a sense that you’re slightly irritated about something? I’m very sensitive and tuned in to these things, what can I say, it’s a gift.


    • mistyslaws
      Nov 12, 2013 @ 16:18:22

      Wow, you are very intuitive. And here I thought I was being so calm and level headed about the whole thing. Can’t get anything by you, though. Damn. :p


  4. aliceatwonderland
    Oct 31, 2013 @ 10:38:27

    If it’s something on the washer / dryer my husband can’t fix, we usually just get a new one because we get the cheap ones which means someone fixing it would cost as much or more as buying a new one. We do at least recycle it (someone is willing to take the washer that doesn’t drain if only for parts).

    Of course waiting for my husband to fix it can take as long as the tech . . . I suppose I should turn to washer / dryer repair as my next degree.


    • mistyslaws
      Nov 12, 2013 @ 16:19:38

      Well, especially because you never have to actually show up when you say you are going to and can just lie and say your last job ran long . . . while all the while sitting on your ass watching Judge Joe at home! Hmmm, now that I think about it, repair work could be MY next career path!


  5. sarah9188
    Oct 31, 2013 @ 11:52:49

    I’d let you use my crappy but functioning washing machine if you weren’t so far away. I want to beat someone’s head against the wall for you after reading this because seriously, ridiculous. How is this company still in business?!?


    • mistyslaws
      Nov 12, 2013 @ 16:20:55

      Here’s how . . . they sell you the machine, thus getting your money for the product. Then, you foolishly buy the service plan, thus giving them MORE money. Then . . . they just keep their fingers crossed for nothing to happen and if it does, they do bubkis. All the while, they still have all of your money. THAT’S how they stay in business.


  6. jenniferjuneclarkj
    Oct 31, 2013 @ 12:26:40

    Sweetie, name the name and shame their lying, shoddy asses. Pulbic humilation, a.k.a. bad publicity works wonders. Just ask Heather Armsrong.


  7. Don't Quote Lily
    Oct 31, 2013 @ 12:30:31

    Ah, I know that smell very well. ICK. It’s amazing how anyone in business thinks they can get away with such awful customer service. I mean, I guess people do get away with it, but how can anyone think that good customer service isn’t the most important part of any business? Cuz it is! Good luck to you.


    • mistyslaws
      Nov 12, 2013 @ 16:23:32

      Not with this company, apparently. I will say, that once my hubs got in touch with the CEO, and they made us “Blue Ribbon Customers,” the tech came first thing that next Thursday as scheduled, identified the problem that morning, ordered the part to be delivered that afternoon, and returned at 5:00 to install it. All in one day. So, it CAN be done, they just choose not to unless you take drastic measures! Should NOT be like that. Ever.


  8. Fresh Ginger
    Oct 31, 2013 @ 13:23:24

    Gross. And, f-that shit. I can’t wait to see the post about what it’s like to go to a laundromat now that you aren’t in college. hee hee Nevermind, pay for the drop-off service. We did that on a long camping/roadtrip/vacation. Worth.every.penny.

    Sidebar: We have two water heaters for our house. (I don’t know know why.) But, I am thankful for them now because the one that heats water for the spare bath, etc went out … LAST MONTH … and we are still waiting for parts, etc, warranty, wtf-ever. I would have seriously maimed someone by now if this was for the whole house.


    • mistyslaws
      Nov 12, 2013 @ 16:25:04

      We have another washer in the basement, albeit a crappy one. But it worked in a pinch. It just should not have had to get to that point.

      Oh HELLZ no! A full month? May need to escalate up to the CEO like we did. It may be the only way. Bastards.


  9. The Cutter
    Oct 31, 2013 @ 14:04:44

    This is why I’d never get a “front loader.” And you should kill the person who eventually does show up. Send a message to them not to mess around like that.


    • mistyslaws
      Nov 12, 2013 @ 16:25:58

      I contemplated it. But he was a very nice and helpful boy, and he FIXED my machine. Finally. Not his fault he works for a douche company, I guess. We did go back and forth over whether we should tip him or not.


  10. donofalltrades
    Oct 31, 2013 @ 15:20:45

    Nice! You know I like a good rant!

    The frustration with having to deal with these companies is just awful. They could give two shits about you and it shows. Our front loading Maytag is a piece of shit. It’s 3 years old and currently sounds like a jet airplane is flying in the laundry room when it’s in a couple of cycles. Craziness.


    • mistyslaws
      Nov 12, 2013 @ 16:26:44

      Sounds like you need someone to come out and take a look at that. I can schedule you for an appointment next Friday between noon and never. Will that work for you? 😉


  11. The Byronic Man
    Oct 31, 2013 @ 16:18:04

    Don’t mince words – tell us how you really feel.


  12. pegoleg
    Oct 31, 2013 @ 18:32:52

    Next season of Survivor is going to be on the Deserted Island of Swampy Clothes.


  13. thesinglecell
    Oct 31, 2013 @ 19:45:18

    Blergh. My front-loader stopped spinning at any speed faster than “mosey” when I first got it. Turned out the motor was bad. I got a new one. Knocking on wood. But yes, the smell is horrible…. and yes, you do have to go through all of your towels to sop everything up, which means… of course… no clean towels. Because obviously. I hope you get a free refrigerator in addition to a free washer.


  14. Aussa Lorens
    Nov 01, 2013 @ 01:45:12

    Ick, the smell of clothes left in water is so terrible– like an over ripe cantaloupe that’s been sitting in an old pair of running shoes.

    I hope they get that taken care of soon…


  15. just another s-a-h-mother
    Nov 02, 2013 @ 17:35:37

    I bet you’re really glad you have that “service” plan. 😦


  16. PinotNinja
    Nov 04, 2013 @ 10:31:33

    Does this mean we can go rough up some appliance insurance people? Please? I love a good ass kicking, especially where, as here, it is totally justified.


  17. Samantha Brinn Merel
    Nov 05, 2013 @ 11:10:35

    Yuck. Big time. We bought a front loader when we moved into our house last year, and for the first 4 months we had a thousand problems with it. It seemed like every week one of us was sitting around like an idiot waiting for an unreliable tech who never showed up. We finally fixed the problem, but I now live in utter terror of something going wrong with my machine, especially since our warranty is about toe xpire.


  18. flyingplatypi
    Nov 06, 2013 @ 20:59:59

    I can imagine you just hulking out and destroying the damn thing… Then that damn company… Then most likely the world since you’d be on a crazy power trip by then. And the only thing that would calm you down is me sitting there with a bottle of pims wearing devil horns. Do your thang, girl. I got you.




    • mistyslaws
      Nov 12, 2013 @ 16:31:39

      I MAY have kicked the piece of crap a few times. I will neither confirm nor deny whether the piece of crap in question was the Sears service tech.

      You need to hurry your ass down here. Isn’t it next weekend yet? Damn.


  19. Vesta Vayne
    Nov 07, 2013 @ 17:16:33

    Huh, so you bought a warranty service, and basically they aren’t honoring it, but they are pretending to by giving you the runaround? I know this is usually a no potty mouths allowed blog, but seriously, what a bunch of f***ers! I eagerly await the update post in which you give us the low down on how you mopped the floor with those fools.


    • mistyslaws
      Nov 12, 2013 @ 16:32:43

      No potty mouths allowed? Vesta, have you been reading the right fucking blog? 😉

      We got it fixed. Anything else is between my husband Mr. Maytag, and the company.


  20. Andrea @ Maybe It's Just Me
    Nov 08, 2013 @ 16:51:24

    OK, I am sorry, but I LOVE that you opened the washer with no safety net/bucket!


  21. joeinvegas
    Nov 12, 2013 @ 15:57:42

    Yes, thanks, I can imagine you opening that washer door and the flood coming out.
    Perhaps this is why Consumer Reports suggests that you never sign up for an extended warranty. What you paid would probably cover the cost of a local show up within four hours place.
    It’s been almost two weeks – did they ever show up?


    • mistyslaws
      Nov 12, 2013 @ 16:34:22

      If we had known that is what Consumer Reports says, we never would have gotten it. That’s like scripture to us!

      They came on that next appointed time and fixed it. They wouldn’t have dared NOT to at that point. My hubs had them by the short hairs. So, I once again have clean undies, thanks!


  22. weezafish
    Nov 13, 2013 @ 04:08:43

    Oh Misty man, nothing more irksome than dire service I feel your pain. Is it fixed yet? In SA, top loaders are ever popular and reading your post just made me go give mine a hug. Which distracted me into putting another load on … not a bad thing 🙂


  23. about100percent
    Nov 18, 2013 @ 11:33:17

    Oooof. This is just awful. I don’t even know what to say, except that I know that smell. And did your au pair get her clothes cleaned? Or at least get new ones that didn’t smell like a swamp?


  24. Trackback: You Win Some, You Lose Some | Misty's Laws

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