Two Wild and Crazy Guys!


That’s me there on the right. My chest hair is coming in nicely, don’t you think?

“Hey, do you want to go to a movie tonight?” I said early Saturday morning to my husband, as we were about to leave for my son’s flag football game.  “We don’t have anything planned for later this evening and haven’t gone out in forever.  Maybe we can even stop at the casino afterwards for a bit.”

“Sure, why not?” he responded.

So, I set up childcare for that evening (easy when you have a live in au pair who apparently feels guilty that she gets to sleep all day while my kids are at school, and offers to watch them on the weekend all the time, only to be finally taken up on that offer this night), and looked for movies that were playing.

After the game, while sitting at lunch with the kids at Panera, the hubs and I reviewed the movie options and settled on American Hustle, since it had received good reviews and been nominated for a bunch of awards.  It had been so long since we had seen a movie that didn’t have animated characters singing about letting things go, that we were really looking forward to a nice adult film.  Not like that!  Head out of the gutter, stay with me here folks . . .

Later that evening, once all of the errands were run, and the kids’ hairs were properly shorn, and a few more Christmas boxes were relocated from the living room floor to the storage room (don’t judge), we set off for our big night out!  I had earlier asked the hubs if he wanted to do dinner as well, but he declined.  I didn’t challenge it because we were both dieting and had been eating like crap lately.  Instead, we just got some bottles of water and a big bag of popcorn at the movie theater.  The movie, as is the norm it seems, started after 25 minutes of previews, none of them particularly noteworthy.  But then, once the movie finally started, we settled in for some fine quality entertainment.

Eight hours later, it seemed, I looked at my watch and realized we were only an hour and a half in.  Fifteen minutes later I looked again, thinking that it must be morning by now at least.  I leaned over to the hubs and asked, “is this the longest movie ever made, or is it just me?”  “It’s not just you,” he responded.  “Plus, I really have to pee!”

What seemed like a week and a half later, the movie ended and we walked out of the theater having aged a few years and gained a couple hundred extra grey hairs.  Rather than go to the casino, as we had planned, we were ready to go home and go to bed, even though it was only ten o’clock at night.  As we left the building and walked to the car, the hubs asked me if I liked the movie.

“NO!  I did not!  Damn it.”  He just laughed.  I don’t think either of us really had to ask that question of the other.

Rather than limping home disappointed, we decided to rally and go over to the local casino.  We didn’t have a lot of cash, but the last couple times we had visited this very same venue, we had walked away with more than we brought, so we were hoping our luck would be the same.

It was not.  Every machine we played sucked down our money like a greedy toddler being handed cotton candy.  Slurp, munch, giggle.  It was brutal. We jumped around, trying to find something that would at the very least let us play a little, but luck was definitely not in our favor that evening.  So, we decided to quit while we were ahead.  And by ahead, I mean behind and broke.

As we were leaving, we realized that we were both very hungry.  Splitting a bag of popcorn 3 hours earlier apparently didn’t sustain us for the night.  Rather than wait until we got home, we decided to drive around to see if anything was open so we could grab some food.  Nothing was.  Except, that is, a 24 hour Safeway.  Figuring they would have some pre-made sandwiches that we could quickly grab, we decided to give it a shot.

And they did have lots of pre-made sandwiches for us to choice from, so that was good.  The hubs grabbed a buffalo chicken wrap and I got a turkey and cheese sandwich on a roll.  When we got in the car and unwrapped our finds, I realized that mine had one tiny piece of turkey and a slice of american cheese within the large roll, and the hubs realized that his was pretty much inedible.  He took about 3 bites before he put it down and started making blech hrrrk blech noises, indicating that is really tasted horrible, while I actually ate most of my bread sandwich.  It was a pretty pathetic end to an otherwise disappointing night.

So, as you can see, we party like rock stars.  Anyone want to do a double date next week?


30 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. donofalltrades
    Feb 04, 2014 @ 08:39:13

    Hahaha, so pathetic, but so happy to hear we’re not alone. We make it a point to eat out whenever we can shitcan the kids on somebody. Is it sad that eating is our favorite activity? Of course, we spend most of the time talking about the kids anyway, so there’s that.


    • mistyslaws
      Mar 04, 2014 @ 15:35:19

      Every time we try to go out, we are either too tired or both dieting, or there aren’t any good movies out. We never really plan it, either, it’s usually a “wanna go out tonight?” thing. We suck.


  2. icescreammama
    Feb 04, 2014 @ 08:54:57

    well that’s officially a terrible date, but since the two of you have a sense of humor, i still give it two thumbs up.


  3. andrea-maybe it's just me
    Feb 04, 2014 @ 08:56:51

    What does it say about me that THAT sounds delightful!


  4. bluzdude
    Feb 04, 2014 @ 09:17:03

    Couple of points…
    *Next time you want sandwiches, go to Pittsburgh. It’ll be worth the drive. I think there’s a city ordinance that requires all sandwiches be the size of your head.

    *I hate when you look at a sub sandwich in a store around here and it looks like it’s bursting with meat and cheese, but then when you unwrap it, you find that there’s nothing actually INSIDE the bread… it’s all out there for show.

    *This post is really funny when you read it while internally using the voices of the Festrunk Brothers.

    *Oh, man, I remember when Steve Martin used to host SNL every year, how we couldn’t wait for the Brothers to show up. “I wore my tight pants just to show off my bul-ges.”


    • mistyslaws
      Mar 04, 2014 @ 15:37:49

      Well, it didn’t look full of meat, but the options were slim.

      I think you should read ALL of my posts in that voice from now on. At least then they will all be funny!


  5. The Cutter
    Feb 04, 2014 @ 11:14:02

    Your nights out somehow sound even more exciting than mine. I wish I had a live in au pair! (Actually, based on how much they cost, maybe I don’t)


    • mistyslaws
      Mar 04, 2014 @ 15:38:38

      There are pros and cons. Being able to ditch the kids and have her watch them is an obvious pro. And depends on the girl. This one is super laid back about that. Others are not.


  6. Jennie Saia
    Feb 04, 2014 @ 12:06:21

    It’s the worst when date night goes awry! But sometimes, when you haven’t had one in a while, you just put so much pressure on it… or the movie is just dead in the water!


  7. Fresh Ginger
    Feb 04, 2014 @ 15:21:14

    We tried date night last week. Out to dinner at 5:30pm with the other gray hairs at the early bird special and home by 9pm. Woot woot. Exciting life.


  8. joannerambling
    Feb 04, 2014 @ 18:20:09

    I find so many movies now day are not all that cracked up and leave me wondering why I bother, ok that is a lie I don’t watch movies any more and in fact have not seen a new movie in years so really I have no idea what I am talking about.


  9. pegoleg
    Feb 04, 2014 @ 18:22:22

    Hmmm, let’s see. Date night for you involves long, bad movies, losing money and crappy food. That’s WAY better than what we usually do – we’re in for Friday night!


    • mistyslaws
      Mar 04, 2014 @ 15:40:46

      I’d prefer to be in. Then there’s no pressure! I just curl up on the couch and order take out while watching my shows. Yes, I know how boring I am. I’m ok with that.


  10. Jess Witkins
    Feb 04, 2014 @ 23:24:23

    Sad face. Joe and I both liked American Hustle. If nothing else, there was Christian Bale’s hairpiece. That was entertaining.

    But not finding any place to eat, or finding good food, is the worst. It just makes everything else disappointing. I ran into that multiple times when I’d travel for work at my old job. I’d get into town at like 8 at night because I couldn’t leave until after I’d already done a full day of work (yay! *sarcasm), and everything was closed already! I’d end up ordering pizza and having to wait another 45 minutes or whatever till it arrived. But that’s better than a bread sandwich.

    Sorry you had a bum date night. Hope the next one is 1000x better!


    • mistyslaws
      Mar 04, 2014 @ 15:42:47

      Well, the acting was stellar, that’s for sure. But no, we did not enjoy it otherwise.

      The hubs travels for work all the time and meets that obstacle constantly. No bueno.

      Our next date night was on a romantic island in the keys, eating world class cuisine, overlooking the setting sun on a private beach, filled with wild roaming deer. I’d say it was a touch better. 😉


  11. thoughtsappear
    Feb 05, 2014 @ 11:53:49

    You only had popcorn at the movie with the Hubs? I seem to remember going to the movies with you, and you brought popcorn, cake, and Amaretto Sours. I feel special.


    • mistyslaws
      Mar 04, 2014 @ 15:43:45

      I was ill prepared for sure! I’m much better at planning when I’m going with other people, but I wasn’t really thinking ahead this time. Booze would have made it MUCH better.

      And you ARE special.


  12. PinotNinja
    Feb 05, 2014 @ 16:25:15

    And that is why you should ALWAYS smuggle booze into the movie theater with you.


  13. Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd
    Feb 05, 2014 @ 21:09:54

    Yeah, popcorn for dinner never works out for me, either.

    We saw American Hustle, one of two movies we’ve been able to see since the baby came. I liked it fine but it was no Silver Linings Playbook.


  14. about100percent
    Feb 15, 2014 @ 08:23:49

    Wow. You guys really know how to party.


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