So, as you can see, I’ve returned from my trip to paradise, aka Key West. While the Northeast was getting hit by another winter weather event, do you know what we were being hit with in Key West? Gentle sea breezes blowing in off of the water, as we sat on our veranda, drinking tropical beverages and warming ourselves in the 79* heat, under a brilliantly sunny blue sky.
It was torture.
But I missed home. I mean really, who needs to wake up at 9:00 am and take your key lime colored coffee mug out to your hotel room’s balcony and watch the ships as they sail by, and the busy goings on down on the street below? Not me, that’s for sure. I’d much prefer bitter cold temps with wind chills below zero and lots of snow to shovel. Good exercise is what that is. None of this lazy, lounging around for me any more!
And spa treatments? Pfft, what am I, a Real Housewife? You mean lounge around all day getting a massage and facial while drinking the most delicious (and why didn’t I think of that) strawberry infused water, while being completely pampered and spoiled by the spa staff? No thank you, I’d prefer to just go to work and get yelled at all day. Much more rewarding.
And speaking of drinking, I definitely don’t miss the Key Lime Pie Martini, served to me as we dined on a private island just off of Key West, while experiencing one of the most delicious meals I have ever tasted, sitting al fresco and gazing at the gently lapping waters on the beach just beyond the restaurant’s patio. Nope, that’s crazy talk. Who would miss that? Back to just plain old water and sensible meals now that I’m home. That’s so much better.
And whimsy? Who needs whimsy? Key West was lousy with it, I tell you. From glowing menus, to flashing mugs filled with daiquiris, to viewing a sunset on an island where wild deer roam the beach. It’s all just a bunch of poppycock! Good riddance, I say.
Not to mention all of the celebration! A person could get a swelled head with all that attention. Apparently, the hubs called ahead to the island, because it seemed as if everywhere we went, someone was wishing me a Happy Birthday and bringing me treats. Sparkling Key Lime pie, mid-afternoon room service of champagne and strawberries, mid-afternoon room service of margaritas, with chips & salsa, Happy Birthday spelled out on a dessert, a special birthday menu delivered to me rolled up like a scroll . . . all way over the top and way too much celebratory nonsense for this unassuming, level-headed girl. I mean really, it wasn’t even my birthday anymore! For shame, Key West. For shame.
Oh, and don’t get me started on the gorgeous sunsets and outdoor scenery. It’s enough to make you sick! Much better to be surrounded by the brown and white that is presently plaguing us at home. That way, we get to be the ones to shine in our brightly colored snowpants and fuzzy hats! Who would even notice us in our shorts and sandals, surrounded by all that beauty in Key West? Nobody. Nobody would ever see us. Or find us . . . hmmmm.
So, like I said, it is really great to be home. In fact, we returned just in time to experience a fresh coating of snow, and it looks like despite a brief respite that is reminiscent of the Key West weather, we will soon return to those winter-like weather conditions. Who needs Key West? Not this girl. Nope. I’m definitely not dreaming of the day when I can finally retire from my hateful job and move to a bungalow on the island, while the hubs goes out fishing every day and I lay in the sun, relaxing and writing, resting up for my job as a bartender at night in one of the “locals” bars. Yeah, that’s absolutely ridiculous, and I’m frankly offended that you would even suggest it. I mean, who am I . . . Hemingway? Sheesh!