A Whole Grained Problem

I tend to avoid posting anything that involves divisive topics such as politics or religion.  But it has recently come to my attention that Cheerios has a new ad on TV, and this ad is apparently causing some people to vocally take issue with the message being conveyed within.  Being of a curious nature, I decided that I needed to see what all the hubbub was about.  If you have not seen it, please take a moment to do so at this time, so you can be as well informed as I now am:

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It seems that there are many people out there that are appalled that Cheerios would show a family consisting of a white mother, a black father, and a mixed race child.  The ad has been called out by religious organizations and conservatives for sending the wrong message.  And you know what . . . I have to agree.

This ad is not just advertising its heart healthy cereal, which you can find in the recesses of every minivan seat in the nation, but it is promoting a mingling of different races, as evidenced by this beautiful cafe au lait child.  And really, I find that appalling.  How could anyone believe that a white woman and a black man could possibly find each other attractive enough to not only marry, but produce offspring!!  I feel that this is a slippery slope, my friends, and that action must be taken immediately!

We’ve already seen the sullying of perfectly good white milk when poured atop chocolatey cereals, turning the previously pure liquid into a mocha nightmare!  Surely, if something drastic is not done, cereal companies all over will follow Cheerios’ example of promoting the mingling of people of different skin tones, and then what will happen?  Anarchy, that’s what.  We must protect our Wheaties and Frosted Flakes at all costs, people!!  I mean, what’s next . . . a Hispanic Snap, Jewish Crackle & Hindu Pop?  Preposterous!!

Cheerios has gone too far this time.  And really, we should have seen this coming, as their prior actions have shown a progression to this point all along, and we just never realized it before.  It started with a mix of Honey and Nuts.  Sure, this seems logical and harmless, but it was the first stop on a runaway train of intermingling of ingredients that has now led us to this crisis.  They followed this seemingly innocuous pairing with further indications of their hippy liberal ways . . . Multi-Grain Cheerios.  Multi-Grain.  All of those multiple grains, just living in peace and harmony together, instead of just the one true grain, as nature intended?  Red flag, people.  Right there.  Why did nobody stop this then?

Following along this path, the next creation they presented to the masses was Frosted Cheerios, which is a white sugary coating blanketing the original Cheerios.  Hmm, you know what?  That one is fine.  Let’s move on.

Next on the list of abominations was the Fruity Cheerios.  You see what’s happening here, don’t you?  Fruity.  Fruity.  Yeah, when they came out with this one, the world should have taken note of how far Cheerios was off the beaten path of mainstream, wholesome cereals, and how they were clearly dabbling in witchcraft and sorcery.

So really, it was no surprise when they next released their most horrid abomination of breakfast foods . . . Chocolate Cheerios.  That’s right, a dark cocoa cereal that was to co-mingle with wholesome white milk, all in one bowl, to create a horrifying mix of flavors and colors.  And instead of getting out the pitchforks and torches at that point and charging the castle of the Cheerios corporation, what happened?  Well, I’ll tell you . . . parents and children rejoiced in a healthy and nutritious cereal that also tasted of chocolatey goodness.  How could they not see?  It was right there in front of their faces!  It was obvious that these things were of the devil, because only demonic forces could create a scrumptious mocha delight that was both good for you and low in fat and calories.  But no, they were blinded by this seemingly innocent and ridiculously delicious new creation.  And so the world continued to allow Cheerios to go on promoting their heart healthy campaign through their multi-hued and various flavors of cereals . . . as if our entire society wasn’t being irrevocably and disastrously altered!


Unholy abomination!

And now, it has gone too far.  Not content to subtly permeate the world with their misguided notions of acceptance and harmony through cereal foods, they have blatantly presented this controversial commercial to the unsuspecting and trusting public.  There is nothing to do now but wait for the collapse of civilization as we know it.  If blacks and whites can live harmoniously together, soon we will have pigs and cows shacking up together and creating cowpigs.  Horses mating with sheep, and giving birth to fluffy long-nosed creatures.  This is the path we are travelling down, people!  If we don’t stop them, the madness will never end.

Somebody must take a stand.  And that standing somebody is none other than yours truly.  I stand up for plain and regular Cheerios!  I stand up for whole grains that are not mixed with other grains!  I stand up for white milk being poured over tan cereal and creating a slightly creme colored liquid!  I stand for truth, justice and non-flavored cereals!  I stand up . . . for the children!!

Who will stand with me?