Holiday Quickie

Ok, I told y’all that I was going to do another giveaway before the holidays, and with commenting time, picking time and shipping time, in order to get the prize to the winner prior to the big day, I realize that I have to do this thing NOW.

So, that’s what this is.  I ordered a mug for someone for Christmas (if you receive it in the mail, act surprised and like you didn’t already see the same one on the site!) and was mistakenly sent multiple.  Thus, I am going to Santa them straight to you.  Holly Jolly, Fa La La.  Just call me your favorite Ho Ho Ho.

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So, that is two mugs, each of varying size (one is a taller mug with “I Like Big Books and I Cannot Lie” on it, and one is regular sized with “Fra-GEE-lay!” on it) for you to win!

In order to enter, just comment below and tell me your favorite holiday beverage that you like to drink this time of year.  Be it egg nog, hot cocoa or a festive cocktail, just share it below and you will be entered.  I’ll give everyone a couple of days, but then I’m having my kids pick a name this weekend, so if you want in, comment quick!

That’s it!  Told you it was a quickie.  Wait, what did you think I meant?  Pervert!

Things To Be Thankful For

Around this time of year, you will see many bloggers posting about the things they are thankful for.  Things like . . . family, friends, pumpkin pie, etc.

Well, this is not going to be one of those posts.  I’m not going to give you a list of things that I am thankful for.  I mean, I could, of course.  Obviously, there are many good things in my life, and many reasons to be thankful.  And this is the time of year people reflect and try to be appreciative of all the things that don’t suck right now.  So, this would be the obvious time to give you my thankful items.  But I won’t do that to you.  Because really, do you care about all of the stuff I’m thankful for?  No, you don’t.  You’ve got your own shit going on, your own list of things, your shopping and Thanksgiving meal to prepare.  Why would I make you read some list of stuff you don’t care about?  I wouldn’t.  Because I care, dammit.  You’re welcome.

So, instead of some list, what I’m gonna give you is this . . .

A giveaway!!

That’s right.  So, even if you don’t have anything to be thankful for right now, if you win these items, you will.  See how that works?  I’m a giver.  And for that you can be thankful.  Bam!

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There are some pretty fun things here, yes?  And if you win, and there’s something that you don’t want, well guess what is right around the corner?  That’s right . . . it’s Re-giftmakus!!!

Just in case you can’t see all of the goodies in the picture above, let me break it down for you:

– Bleeped out Knee Socks
– Blingtastic mouse
– Retro hand set for cell phone
– Beer keg koozie
– Oh Snap magnet
– Could You Be a Bigger Bitch? gum (you know you wanna give that to someone).
– Maybe You Touched Your Genitals hand sanitizer
– Work Sucks red knit cap (Office Space style)

All you have to do to be entered is comment.  Yep, no hoops to jump through here, folks.  It’s the holidays and we’re all tired already.  And we haven’t even hit Black Friday yet.

As always, my spawn will do the honors and pick a big wiener in a week or so.  Whenever I get around to it.  Because I’m busy, that’s why.  Don’t rush me!

In the meantime, I hope all of you and yours have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and celebrate it as was intended by our forefathers . . . with a big full belly in front of the tube watching a football game with some booze in your hand.  Ahhhh, now that’s what I’m thankful for!

And do not fear . . . the epic tale of Val’s most recent visit is in the works and pending for next week.  It will be a two-parter.  Yes, it was that epic.  As if you had any doubt.

Happy Turkey Day!!

(And if you’re so inclined, feel free to tell me what you’re thankful for in the comments.  Only if you want to, though.  No pressure).

Drink It Up!

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it before, but I have a swimming pool in my backyard.  I most likely have not brought up the subject previously because the pool is of no consequence to me.  I don’t swim.  And no, I don’t mean that I don’t know how to swim.  I was a lifeguard as a teenager, for pete’s sake!  No, I just do not go into the pool.

However, this does not stop our entire extended family from using our backyard, and the pool within, as their own personal summer vacation destination.  Any number of them stop by during the week while we are at work and enjoy a nice dip in the pool.  And every weekend, there are at least a few out there swimming and enjoying the sun.  This is all completely acceptable to us, as our family is rad (the hubs’ side, anyway), and we extend our hospitality to them at any time, even if we are not present.

On the weekends, when multiple family members descend upon our property, we will often go outside to spend time with them.  And by “we” I mean that my husband and kids will go swim in the pool, while I whip up some kind of alcoholic concoction to share with the group.  Sitting by the pool with my feet up and a cocktail in my hand is a perfectly acceptable way to enjoy watching the family splash around in the pool.

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A few weeks ago, on Memorial Day weekend, the family all showed up for the first time this year, in an unofficial “start of summer” pool party.  Each summer, I try to come up with a new drink that I can prepare and share with the family when they come over.  I am sort of the unofficial bartender of the family, if you will.  They’ve come to expect some interesting and delicious concoction to be whipped up by yours truly and served to them each year, and I try not to disappoint.  This year, I decided to go with a simple, yet quite tasty, little drink.  A strawberry lemonade.  But an adult strawberry lemonade.

STRAWBERRY LEMONADE
 
1 part Strawberry flavored Vodka
2 parts lemonade
splash of grenadine for color
 
Garnish with fresh strawberries if desired. 
 

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See?  Super simple, but very delicious.  If you make it, you can obviously play with the ratios of alcohol to lemonade based on how strong you like your drinks.  If you want to go half and half, go for it!

Ok, now it’s your turn!  Seeing as I am always looking for new and creative drink recipes to subject treat my family to, I want you to comment below with a fun summer drink recipe.  But don’t worry, I will give you something in exchange for the generous sharing of your most delicious and prized recipes . . . because this is a giveaway post!

One lucky commenter will recieve this prize:

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A Wine Monkey wine bottle sock monkey, and Winelines, I.D. tags for your stemware (both by Fred & Friends, of course!).  Fun, right?

One of my sons will pick a name from a hat, and whoever wins will recieve this rad prize.  So, give me your best drink recipes in the comments, and you could win these items that will make your drinking experience that much more memorable and enjoyable!

(Note:  if you do not drink alcohol, please feel free to leave a non-alcoholic drink recipe.  If you win, you can always give these items to someone in your life that does imbibe spirits).

So, hit me with your best shots, people.  Oh wait, nevermind . . . I don’t do shots.  Not since the infamous Lemon Drop Incident of ’98.  The memory of that night still makes me cringe.  But regardless, give me your best drink concoctions below.

Cheers!!

Who Wants to Touch The Butt?

Last week, I extolled the various virtues of the Fred & Friends company, and listed all of their most popular items.  Then, I put one of those items up for grabs in a giveaway, and was treated to various and sundry crappy office stories from y’all, in your attempts to win this lovely item.  (Not that your stories were crappy, they were stories about crappy offices).

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Thank you for that.  It makes me feel just this much better about my own crappy job.  Only a little, though, because after a 3 hour brutal surprise trial on Tuesday afternoon, and then leaving work only to almost immediately run over a nail on the war zone city streets of this ghetto town, which necessitated sitting on the side of the road in rush hour traffic waiting for AAA . . . well, it has not been a stellar week at work.

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BUT . . . enough about my craptastic work environment . . . let’s see who won this prize for having their own crappy work story . . .

As always, I have employed the very distinct skills of my brilliant children to pick this item’s winner.  For this item, 5 was the one to employ his master picking services.

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And the winner of The Butt is . . .

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TABITHA CROW

Congrats Tabitha!!  Just send me your info at mistyslaws at gmail dot com, and I will send this super rad little toilet man to you so that you can use him however you see fit (we don’t judge here at Misty’s Laws!).  Although, based on your story, I’m not sure you will have anywhere to put him at work.  Might need to lose something on your desk . . . like your computer.

Enjoy!!

Wanna Be Friends?

I just adore Fred & Friends.  If you are also a fan, then you know of what I speak.  And if you’ve never heard of Fred & Friends . . . well, yes you have, actually.  Even if you don’t know you know.  Ya know?

A few weeks ago, I visited my friend JM’s blog, and saw a post where she talked about her new tea buddy, Mr. Tea.  And even though I don’t drink tea, I thought he was über adorable, so I wanted to see if the company that created her Mr. Tea, had any other items that were creative and adorable like her new little friend, yet were unrelated to tea drinking. 

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I pity the fool who don’t drink no tea!

So I went to the website of the company that made Mr. T, and fell in love with everything I saw there.  And while I was perusing the site, I realized that I had actually previously seen a bunch of their items and/or even owned a few.

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You’ve seen all of these, right?

And then of course, I came across an item that I have coveted since this past Christmas, but had no idea who made it.  I just knew that I wanted it, and still want it.  One day, maybe.

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Remember these? Um, yeah, ME TOO!

And then I found something that I had not seen before, but I thought would be just perfect as a cute gift for my secretary.  I love getting her kooky gifts just because she’s completely amazing and deserves gifts for no reason.  It’s how I do.  But then I thought, “Wait, me…..wouldn’t this also be a really great gift to give to someone else as well?”  And I thought-responded, “Why yes.  Yes it would.”  And then I stopped talking to myself, because it started making me feel as if I was going to be committed at any moment.  Gotta at least act as if I’m a normal member of society, right?

So, anyway . . . back to the item.  It’s another office supply, so some of you might not be interested, but I thought it was fun.  Then again, maybe it’s because I have two boys that pretty much can’t stop talking about all things farting and pooping and potty humor, and I’ve finally been drawn over to the dark side . . .

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“The Butt”

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This little beauty is called The Butt Station Desk Accessory Holder.  It is a little blue man, holding a roll of tape (the cutter thing is on his toes), sitting on a toilet seat full of paper clips, whilst holding a pen in his mouth.  Behind him, there is a space for a post-it pad and more pens.  This little guy has a lot going on.  If you are like me, and are currently feeling like you are actually working in a toilet every single day at work, then this is the perfect little guy for you to subtly display your displeasure for your craptastic job.

Oh, but wait!  Besides all of the cute little functional things that this little guy represents, he also has a secret talent.  What is that, you ask?  Well, his butt is a magnet that pulls out the paper clips when you lift him off of his perch.  Yep.

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But wait!  There’s more . . . if you call right now, you will get this bonus gift!  In addition to this lovely little gift that I bought both for my secretary and for one of you lucky contestants, I also bought a nifty set of pens that are also created by those irreverent and goofy bastards over there at Fred & Friends.  They are called “Borrow My Pen” and have faux business names and slogans on them.  They are rad. 

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And . . . there is one of these lovely pens stuck firmly in the little blue man’s mouth up there.  So, if you get this great toilet guy, you will also get one of the Borrow My Pen pens.

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This one.

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“Stuffed With Love Taxidermy
No Pet Too Small – Give Us a Call!
(ask about our goldfish and turtle discount)
fluffy4ever. com”

I know, right?  You are thinking, “how can she be this beautiful AND generous all at the same time?  It just can’t be possible!”  But it is, my friends.  It is.  It’s just a gift.

Ok, so . . . rules!  Tell me about why you need this toilet man at your crappy job.  Tell me a story about something goofy or crazy or just plain shitty that has happened at your place of work.  And although you won’t be judged on your story (as always, random out of the hat picking by my fellas), I do need to be entertained, so make ’em good.  I need something to distract me from this toilet bowl of a job I’m in! 

A lucky winner will be picked in a couple of weeks.  Good luck to all!

(In case you were wondering, my secretary absolutely adored this gift.  She liked it so much, that she walked around showing it to everyone, talking about how I know just the perfect things to get for her to represent her feelings about the job.  Yeah . . . it’s magical at my place of employ, as you can see.)

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**I was not compensated in any way for this post.  All opinions are my own, as I truly do love the Fred & Friends products.  I mean, how can you not love a company that refers to itself as “a lot like Santa Claus, but without all that breaking and entering?”  Seriously.  Love them. **

The Magical Mickey Mug

Hey guys . . . anyone sick of hearing me talk about Disney?  Because since I’ve returned from my trip, I’ve talked about Disney here.  And then I also talked about it here.  And then, I even talked about it some more here.  Disneydisneydisneydisneydisneydisneydisneydisneydisneydisneydisney!!!

Well, if you are indeed completely and utterly over all discussion of that redundant D word, you may want to skip this post.  However, if you just stopped reading after that last paragraph, then you failed to realize that this isn’t any old post about ((whisper~disney~whisper)).  Oh no, this is a post-Disney supermegaspectaculargasmic . . .

GIVEAWAY!!!

That’s right.  While I was away with my family for a fun-filled, yet exhausting trip to the big D (and I don’t mean Dallas), I was thinking about all of you, my dear readers, sitting at work or at home, not getting to walk miles and miles and miles around 4 different parks.  And while I was scoping out which goodies to buy for myself and my friends, I also made sure to find something that I could give to one lucky reader.  And I did.  I found it.  I think it is super rad, and seriously almost kept it for myself.  But, as you know, I’m a giver.  So, I would never do such a thing!  That would just be wrong. 

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How freaking rad is that?  It looks like 2 mugs stacked together, but in reality, it’s just ONE!  Magic.  BAM.  Only the best for you, dear readers.  Only the best.

Ok, task time . . . this is where I tell you what small animals you must sacrifice special something you need to do in order to qualify to win this gen-U-wine Disney Perks Parks souvenir.

So, they say that Disney World is The Happiest Place on Earth.  Based on my experience there, I would say this is a highly idealized statement.  True, there is fun to be had at the numerous parks sprinkled about Orlando, but mostly it is exhausting and frustrating, if I’m going to be honest.  And not just for the parents.  The kids get worn out as well.  Every single one of us took naps each afternoon during the week we were in Disney.  It was necessary so that we didn’t end up murdering each other.  So, while I would say that the week we spent in Disney was enjoyable, if I were to be asked if it is the Happiest Place on Earth, I would have to say, at least for me personally, that it is not.

What is then, you might ask?  Well, for me, the happiest place on earth is my bathtub, filled with hot bubbly water, with me in it, relaxing with a good book and a glass of wine.  No hubs, no kids, no obligations or responsibilities.  Just soaking and relaxing, letting myself drift away into whatever fantasy world I am reading about.  For me?  That’s heaven.

So, in order to be entered into the giveaway drawing, I want you to tell me what your happiest place is.  Is it an amusement park?  A secluded island somewhere?  Your couch at home surrounded by your family?  It can be anywhere that you feel happiest.  Tell me all about it in the comments, and you will be entered to win that awesome mug up there.  I will have one of my kids pick a name at random.  And if you win, you can fill it with whatever beverage makes you happiest. 

Good luck to all.

Another One Bites the Dust Cover

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I recently discovered that a local bookstore is being compelled to close its doors because it’s not getting enough business to stay open.  I have walked past this bookstore a bajillionty times, as it is directly across the street from my courthouse, but until last week, I had never once previously gone inside.  And I am deeply ashamed of this fact.  I am the reason that this store is closing.

And yes, while it is not only my fault, as my sole patronage probably would not have prevented the store’s going out of business, it is me and people like me that caused this to happen.  You see, I love books.  Even in the age of all things electronic, whether it be a Kindle, a Nook or an iPad, I still prefer reading actual books to any other mode of viewing literature.  I love the feel of a book, the smell of the pages, the heft of the bound papers in my hand. 

There is a local used book store near my home that I visit every couple of months, perusing their rows and rows of used novels, in the attempt to find an as yet undiscovered gem.  I will also take the books I have finished reading to this shop to trade them in for more books.  But my true transgression is this . . . I buy most of my books from Amazon.  So, you see, I am part of the problem which has developed in this generation of electronic ease and convenience.  Because, even though I still prefer my books the old-fashioned way, I will much more readily click online to order, rather than visit a local brick and mortar shop.  And this is why so many of these little shops are closing down. 

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So, in the spirit of too little, too late, I paid a much delayed visit to this closing book store.  It may or may not have had anything to do with the fact that every book in the store was $3.00 or less.  It was a lovely little store.  Much bigger and deeper than I had imagined from the outside.  On a table to the left of the entrance, there was a complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica books for sale.  Huge, dusty tomes that will probably sit there until they are packed up by the owner with the remainder of the undesirable and unsellable books.  What with Google and Wikipedia at the click of a mouse, who needs big, outdated books to tell you what you need to know?  However, it was quite the trip to nostalgiaville seeing that entire set sitting there, since I grew up with a complete set on a bookcase in my own childhood home.  It was where you would find me when research papers came due for grade school projects.

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And speaking of old school . . . there was a shelf labelled “Vintage” filled with numerous Hardy Boys mysteries and even some Bobbsey twins.  I did not see any Nancy Drew, as I imagine someone else probably snatched those up already.

In my search through this soon to be extinct shop, I was able to find a few books to purchase for myself.  But along with those, I discovered another rare gem . . . and this week’s giveaway!!

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When I saw this and started flipping through it in the store, it made me laugh.  I knew that I had to get it and give it to one lucky reader.  Preferably one that is of the appropriate age, per the book’s guidance (see that little print down in the lower left corner . . . go ahead, get your glasses . . . I’ll wait).

I am sure that you are curious as to what this book contains, as I was as well.  Well, feast your eyes on just a sampling of the valuable queries in this book, enabling you to transcribe your own info for future reference.  Basically, when you get too old to remember your name, you can have this handy mid-life guide!

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Very helpful, indeed!

Now, before you go denying that you want this handy little helper of a book, don’t think that I am calling you old.  No way, I would never do such a thing.  What’s calling you old is your grey hairs, saggy boobs and receding hairlines.  Take a gander in the mirror, my friends, before you start throwing the pitch forks around this way, k?  Sheesh!!

So, who wants it?  Anyone, anyone?  Hello?

Hmmm . . . I’ll be curious to see how this goes.  If you do indeed want it, this is what you shall do . . . comment on how you first realized you were old.  Was it a physical thing (grey hair, wrinkles, etc.)?  Was it a failing ability (poor sight, bad hearing, etc.)?  Was it some young punk kid calling you “ma’am?”  (Damn kids these days, grumble grumble).  Or was it something else?  Go ahead, fess up.  It’s happened to all of us!

And just to be fair, I will throw in another little treat as well, so it’s not just the book.  I haven’t decided what it will be yet, but it will be fun.  Probably not Metamucil.  I mean, unless that’s something you’re needing right now, because if so, I’ve got you covered!!

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This is your last reminder . . . if you haven’t already gone over to Noa’s Funny Bitch All-Star page to vote for yours truly (about halfway down the list) . . . what are you waiting for???  I would be ever so grateful if you were to do so.  This will be my last post for a while, as I am leaving for Disney with the fam oh so very early Saturday morning and will not return for a full week.  It would be just delightful to see that I made the All-Stars’ list prior to my departure.  PLEASE MAKE IT HAPPEN!!  Thanks, all!  See ya on the flip side.

Mustaches and Bacon Make Everything Better!

I’m a giver.  I love sending random cards, gifts and other items to people who I feel might need a little something to brighten their day.  Whether it’s for a birthday, a get well gesture or just an “I’m thinking of you” gift, I just love the feeling of making someone smile because of something I sent to them.  And all except for Jen (stupid Portland P.O.), everyone I send presents to, actually get them.

So, that leads me to the point of this post.  It’s time for another . . .

GIVEAWAY!!

But we’ll get to that in a bit, so bear with me.  First . . . a story.

The other night, I came home from work and found my husband in the kitchen, busy fixing dinner for the boys.  He had gotten a bug up his butt to prepare a meatloaf for them, searched online for a good recipe, and then started whipping up a jam.  When I walked in the door, he was elbow deep in ground beef and eggs.  I then saw that he had even concocted a homemade batch of tomato pepper relish that was to go in and on the meatloaf.  I left him in the morning, a sleeping bear in the bed, and came home to Emeril Lagasse, apparently.  Not that I mind.  I mean as far as the cooking goes . . . I’m not exactly hot for Emeril or anything.  Don’t get it twisted.

Homemade pepper relish.  Yum!

Homemade tomato pepper relish. Yum!

Oh, and did I mention that after the meatloaf was put it the pan, shaped, and topped with relish, it was then topped with . . . wait for it . . . BACON.

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Of course, I asked if there was something I could do to help, and he directed me to the fresh brussels sprouts sitting on the counter, saying he was going to try to whip up a side dish of brussels sprouts with bacon.  When I asked if he had a recipe, he told me he had planned on just “winging it.”  Uh-oh.  So, I offered to handle it, not that I had ever made anything like that before, either.  But off to Google I went!  And found a perfect recipe for the ingredients on hand.

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Everything turned out incredible.  But I will advise you, as to the brussels sprouts, if you make this, you may be tempted to not use much salt, thinking the bacon will take care of the salt quotient, but if you think that as I did, you would be very very wrong.  Salt.  Use salt.  It needs it.

Here are the finished products:

Click picture for recipe.

Click picture for recipe.

Click picture for recipe.

Click picture for recipe.

And I will tell you that both of my boys gave the meatloaf high marks, and my youngest gave the brussels sprouts two thumbs up.  Not only that, but they actually requested the meatloaf again the next night.  I think one of the ingredients in there might be magic.  True story.

Ok, now that you’ve got your bacon fix for the day, even if only tangentially through the pics, it is now time for the promised giveaway.  I saw these items at The House of Blues gift shop in the casino, and just knew that I had to get them . . . for you!

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Awesome, yes?  You want it, right?  Worth playing for?  (Ok, I might be channeling Jeff Probst right now, sorry).  Ok, here’s your objective, should you choose to accept it . . .

Tell me a story.  A story about something unexpected that someone did for you.  Did your husband surprise you by whipping up dinner?  Did someone send you a surprising pick me up?  Something nice and not requested or expected.  Tell me all about it in the comments . . .

I’ll have one of my boys pick a name next week.  Good luck to all.  And let me know if you try the recipes and how they turn out.  They are 4 & 7 approved!