Conversations with My EIGHT Year Old

Tomorrow is 7’s birthday, which will make him 8 (for those of you who have problems with basic math).  And seeing as I recently wrote a post for my youngest son on his birthday, sharing with the world (the world = 12 followers) his crazy and highly informative thoughts, I figured it was only fair to do the same for my first born.  So, Happy Birthday 8!!

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Talking about The Voice, and the brother duo on the show:

The one guy is a really good singer, but the other one isn’t as good.  He’s just there to attract the ladies.

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Talking to his brother, 5, about his hat:

No, not like that!  You have to turn it to the side. 

5 turns his hat to the side.

That’s good.  Now you’re a man.

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I’m going to do something for earth day, to make the earth a better place.  I’m going to stop farting, so the air is less stinky.

While that is a lovely (albeit smelly) sentiment, I’m not holding my breath for that to happen.  Although, maybe holding my breath is the best option.

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An interesting tidbit of learning, provided by our local educational establishment, i.e. 2nd grade:

Did you know that when Christopher Columbus sailed over towards the Bahamas, he said, “these are some ugly looking mermaids” about the manatees?  He wrote that in his diary.

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I was opening a bottle of wine, and the cork popped out:

Whoa!  Is there a note in there?

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Hubs:  The sunset is really pretty.

8:  Yeah, it’s 50 shades of grey out there!

I feel like I should be concerned that he is even aware of that title’s existence.  Is my son really a middle-aged sexually frustrated woman?

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8:  Tru dat, tru dat.  Giggle tru giggle dat.

Me:  What?  Where did you hear that?

8:  Mom.  In real life, that means “true that.”

Me:  Thank you for educating me, my son.

Keeping in real up here in da hood, yo. 

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8:  Mommy, today at the park, I heard a boy say a very bad word.

Me:  What kind of very bad word?

8:  The kind that starts with a Shhhh.

Me:  Oh, that IS a very bad word.

8:  Yeah, and it ends with I.T.

Me:  You know if you ever say that, you will be in big trouble, right?

8:  Oh yeah, I know.

But apparently spelling of bad words is just fine.  I guess it’s better than him flinging the F word around the house.

Conversations with My FIVE Year Old

Well, today is 4’s birthday.  Making him 4 no longer, but a big, huge 5!  Are you getting that?  My youngest child, my baby, is now a 5-year-old and will soon be in kindergarten!!  Damn.  Way to make your mom feel old, kid!

Anyway, because today is 5’s special day, I decided to dedicate an entire “Convos with” post to him.  And since it’s been many months since I’ve posted one of these, I have plenty of material just from him, trust me!

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Word.

5:  You know what’s inside pyramids?
Me:  No, what?
5:  Mummies.
Me:  Oh yeah?
5:  Yeah, you know how mummies hide inside pyramids, and then when people walk by, they jump out and scare them?
Me:   Um, sure.  Why not?
(Annnnddddd, cancelling my trip to Egypt, now).

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5:  I wish my name was Fisafer.
Me:  Christopher?
5:  No, FIS-a-FER.
Me:  Why?
5:  Because I like that MUCH better than my name now!
(Everyone’s a critic).

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Me:  When you finish dinner, we will watch the Disney World video.
5:  I bet Mickey Mouse will be on the video!
Me:  Yeah, I’m pretty sure you WILL see Mickey on the Disney video.
5:  That’s because Mickey is the BOSS of Disney World!!

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5:  Do we get presents on Green Patrick’s Day?

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Me:  You had a cookie?  But you don’t LIKE cookies!! (Said dripping with sarcasm).
5:  YES I DO!!
Me:  No WAY!  Since when?
5:  Well, I like candy!  Even though it sometimes feels all gloppy in my throat, I still like it.

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Hubs:  What’s the difference between a chicken finger and a chicken nugget?
5:  The name. 
(Literal answer for the win!)

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Hubs:  How was your day?
Me:  It was ok.
5:  Was it a longer day?
Me:  Longer than what?
5:  Longer than expected.
Me:  No, it was about as long as it normally is.
5:  Was it a lover day?
Me:  What’s a “lover” day?
5:  You know, did you love it more than you expected?
Me:  Um, no.  Definitely not.

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Hubs:  You know not to drink the pool water, right?
5:  Yes.
Hubs:  And why is that?
5:  So I don’t swallow any criminals.
(And yes, we were apparently vacationing at Rikers Island.  Chemicals is the word he was going for, by the way).

Convos with the Kiddos: Part Eight

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We were watching ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas on TV . . .

78 reindeer?  But where’s Rudolph?
Me:  I think this might have happened before he was born.
7:  Well, is that first reindeer his father . . . Dixon?

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Watching The Voice . . .

Carson Daly:  So if you want to vote for Cassie . . .
7:  I don’t!  She’s awful!
Me:  You’re being pretty mean to her.
7:  You think enemies are nice to their enemies?
Me:  Um, she’s your enemy now?

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A Christmas commercial comes on the TV for Samsung phones (elves make Santa a video, telling him he can watch it on the sleigh, then Mrs. Claus says she also make him a video . . . but that he probably shouldn’t watch it on the sleigh . . .  suggestive look . . . eyebrows raised).

7:  I saw a different commercial like that.  A guy is getting on a plane and his kid made a video, and then his wife also made a video, but tells him he probably shouldn’t watch it on the plane.  I agree!  You probably shouldn’t watch videos on planes.  Except for the ones they have on there for you.

I am so thankfully that he did not catch the naughty undertones of that commercial.

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Listening to a mix tape (yes, I still call it that, but technically a CD) in the car, and Elvis Presley’s Suspicious Minds comes on . . .

Me:  I’ll give you a dollar if you can tell me who sings this.
7:  Hmmmm . . . Michael Buble?
Me:  Sigh.  You’re killing me here, kid.

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The Geico commercial comes on TV . . .

4:  Is that the eggo?
Me:  What is an eggo?
4:  That little guy on TV.  Is he an eggo?
Me:  No babe, that’s a gecko.

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4:  Nobody wants an old blompy paper.
Me:  Blompy?
4:  Yeah, that means all curled up and crazy.

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4:  Hey mommy, I know something that’s no such thing.
Me:  Oh yeah, what’s that?
4:  Candy Juice!

Yeah, pretty sure that’s called “soda” my son.

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4:  This is true:  when we got there, we saw fire fighters playing basketball.
Me:  That’s true, huh?
4:  Yeah!  And if you’d been there to see it, it would be the truth!

He’s gonna be a brilliant defense attorney someday.  I’m so proud!  *sniff*

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4:  Mommy, I want to make two snowmen.
Me:  I’m not sure there’s enough snow for 2, bud.
4:  Can I tell you why I want to make 2?  Let me whisper in your ear.  ((because I want the snowmen to be you and me!))

Heart . . . melting . . . so . . . much!

Me on the right, my son on the left, and some random pirate kid that jumped in the middle!  (Ok, fine . . . that's 4).

That’s me on the right, my son on the left, and some random pirate kid sitting in the middle! (Ok, fine . . . that’s 4).

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4:  Yeah, do that, baby!
7:  Baby?
4:  You know how some people are Rock Stars and they say, “yeah, baby!”

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4:  You know what I want to be when I grow up?  The Hawk!
7:  You will have to be WAY stronger to be The Hawk.
4:  Oh, I will work out every single day.  And I’ll be like “can I have some broccoli, please?  Can I have some cauliflower, please?” because those are super healthy!

I fully support my son’s goal to become a fictional character.

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Hubs:  I got you guys something from Costa Rica!
7:  ((said with full on disdain))  Let me guess . . . a shirt.
Me:  Well, I guess you don’t want it then, huh?
4:  Maybe it’s a big bag of candy!
Hubs:  Oh yes, I definitely got you guys a big bag of CANDY.
4:  Or maybe it’s a big bag of VEGETABLES.  For 7 to put in his mouth!!

4 is getting way too good with the comebacks.  We’re gonna be in trouble soon . . .

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