Conversations with My EIGHT Year Old

Tomorrow is 7’s birthday, which will make him 8 (for those of you who have problems with basic math).  And seeing as I recently wrote a post for my youngest son on his birthday, sharing with the world (the world = 12 followers) his crazy and highly informative thoughts, I figured it was only fair to do the same for my first born.  So, Happy Birthday 8!!


Talking about The Voice, and the brother duo on the show:

The one guy is a really good singer, but the other one isn’t as good.  He’s just there to attract the ladies.


Talking to his brother, 5, about his hat:

No, not like that!  You have to turn it to the side. 

5 turns his hat to the side.

That’s good.  Now you’re a man.


I’m going to do something for earth day, to make the earth a better place.  I’m going to stop farting, so the air is less stinky.

While that is a lovely (albeit smelly) sentiment, I’m not holding my breath for that to happen.  Although, maybe holding my breath is the best option.


An interesting tidbit of learning, provided by our local educational establishment, i.e. 2nd grade:

Did you know that when Christopher Columbus sailed over towards the Bahamas, he said, “these are some ugly looking mermaids” about the manatees?  He wrote that in his diary.


I was opening a bottle of wine, and the cork popped out:

Whoa!  Is there a note in there?


Hubs:  The sunset is really pretty.

8:  Yeah, it’s 50 shades of grey out there!

I feel like I should be concerned that he is even aware of that title’s existence.  Is my son really a middle-aged sexually frustrated woman?


8:  Tru dat, tru dat.  Giggle tru giggle dat.

Me:  What?  Where did you hear that?

8:  Mom.  In real life, that means “true that.”

Me:  Thank you for educating me, my son.

Keeping in real up here in da hood, yo. 


8:  Mommy, today at the park, I heard a boy say a very bad word.

Me:  What kind of very bad word?

8:  The kind that starts with a Shhhh.

Me:  Oh, that IS a very bad word.

8:  Yeah, and it ends with I.T.

Me:  You know if you ever say that, you will be in big trouble, right?

8:  Oh yeah, I know.

But apparently spelling of bad words is just fine.  I guess it’s better than him flinging the F word around the house.

Conversations with My FIVE Year Old

Well, today is 4’s birthday.  Making him 4 no longer, but a big, huge 5!  Are you getting that?  My youngest child, my baby, is now a 5-year-old and will soon be in kindergarten!!  Damn.  Way to make your mom feel old, kid!

Anyway, because today is 5’s special day, I decided to dedicate an entire “Convos with” post to him.  And since it’s been many months since I’ve posted one of these, I have plenty of material just from him, trust me!



5:  You know what’s inside pyramids?
Me:  No, what?
5:  Mummies.
Me:  Oh yeah?
5:  Yeah, you know how mummies hide inside pyramids, and then when people walk by, they jump out and scare them?
Me:   Um, sure.  Why not?
(Annnnddddd, cancelling my trip to Egypt, now).


5:  I wish my name was Fisafer.
Me:  Christopher?
5:  No, FIS-a-FER.
Me:  Why?
5:  Because I like that MUCH better than my name now!
(Everyone’s a critic).


Me:  When you finish dinner, we will watch the Disney World video.
5:  I bet Mickey Mouse will be on the video!
Me:  Yeah, I’m pretty sure you WILL see Mickey on the Disney video.
5:  That’s because Mickey is the BOSS of Disney World!!


5:  Do we get presents on Green Patrick’s Day?


Me:  You had a cookie?  But you don’t LIKE cookies!! (Said dripping with sarcasm).
5:  YES I DO!!
Me:  No WAY!  Since when?
5:  Well, I like candy!  Even though it sometimes feels all gloppy in my throat, I still like it.


Hubs:  What’s the difference between a chicken finger and a chicken nugget?
5:  The name. 
(Literal answer for the win!)


Hubs:  How was your day?
Me:  It was ok.
5:  Was it a longer day?
Me:  Longer than what?
5:  Longer than expected.
Me:  No, it was about as long as it normally is.
5:  Was it a lover day?
Me:  What’s a “lover” day?
5:  You know, did you love it more than you expected?
Me:  Um, no.  Definitely not.


Hubs:  You know not to drink the pool water, right?
5:  Yes.
Hubs:  And why is that?
5:  So I don’t swallow any criminals.
(And yes, we were apparently vacationing at Rikers Island.  Chemicals is the word he was going for, by the way).

Convos with the Kiddos: Part Eight


We were watching ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas on TV . . .

78 reindeer?  But where’s Rudolph?
Me:  I think this might have happened before he was born.
7:  Well, is that first reindeer his father . . . Dixon?


Watching The Voice . . .

Carson Daly:  So if you want to vote for Cassie . . .
7:  I don’t!  She’s awful!
Me:  You’re being pretty mean to her.
7:  You think enemies are nice to their enemies?
Me:  Um, she’s your enemy now?


A Christmas commercial comes on the TV for Samsung phones (elves make Santa a video, telling him he can watch it on the sleigh, then Mrs. Claus says she also make him a video . . . but that he probably shouldn’t watch it on the sleigh . . .  suggestive look . . . eyebrows raised).

7:  I saw a different commercial like that.  A guy is getting on a plane and his kid made a video, and then his wife also made a video, but tells him he probably shouldn’t watch it on the plane.  I agree!  You probably shouldn’t watch videos on planes.  Except for the ones they have on there for you.

I am so thankfully that he did not catch the naughty undertones of that commercial.


Listening to a mix tape (yes, I still call it that, but technically a CD) in the car, and Elvis Presley’s Suspicious Minds comes on . . .

Me:  I’ll give you a dollar if you can tell me who sings this.
7:  Hmmmm . . . Michael Buble?
Me:  Sigh.  You’re killing me here, kid.



The Geico commercial comes on TV . . .

4:  Is that the eggo?
Me:  What is an eggo?
4:  That little guy on TV.  Is he an eggo?
Me:  No babe, that’s a gecko.


4:  Nobody wants an old blompy paper.
Me:  Blompy?
4:  Yeah, that means all curled up and crazy.


4:  Hey mommy, I know something that’s no such thing.
Me:  Oh yeah, what’s that?
4:  Candy Juice!

Yeah, pretty sure that’s called “soda” my son.


4:  This is true:  when we got there, we saw fire fighters playing basketball.
Me:  That’s true, huh?
4:  Yeah!  And if you’d been there to see it, it would be the truth!

He’s gonna be a brilliant defense attorney someday.  I’m so proud!  *sniff*


Picture 048

4:  Mommy, I want to make two snowmen.
Me:  I’m not sure there’s enough snow for 2, bud.
4:  Can I tell you why I want to make 2?  Let me whisper in your ear.  ((because I want the snowmen to be you and me!))

Heart . . . melting . . . so . . . much!

Me on the right, my son on the left, and some random pirate kid that jumped in the middle!  (Ok, fine . . . that's 4).

That’s me on the right, my son on the left, and some random pirate kid sitting in the middle! (Ok, fine . . . that’s 4).


4:  Yeah, do that, baby!
7:  Baby?
4:  You know how some people are Rock Stars and they say, “yeah, baby!”


4:  You know what I want to be when I grow up?  The Hawk!
7:  You will have to be WAY stronger to be The Hawk.
4:  Oh, I will work out every single day.  And I’ll be like “can I have some broccoli, please?  Can I have some cauliflower, please?” because those are super healthy!

I fully support my son’s goal to become a fictional character.


Hubs:  I got you guys something from Costa Rica!
7:  ((said with full on disdain))  Let me guess . . . a shirt.
Me:  Well, I guess you don’t want it then, huh?
4:  Maybe it’s a big bag of candy!
Hubs:  Oh yes, I definitely got you guys a big bag of CANDY.
4:  Or maybe it’s a big bag of VEGETABLES.  For 7 to put in his mouth!!

4 is getting way too good with the comebacks.  We’re gonna be in trouble soon . . .