Conversations with My EIGHT Year Old

Tomorrow is 7’s birthday, which will make him 8 (for those of you who have problems with basic math).  And seeing as I recently wrote a post for my youngest son on his birthday, sharing with the world (the world = 12 followers) his crazy and highly informative thoughts, I figured it was only fair to do the same for my first born.  So, Happy Birthday 8!!

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Talking about The Voice, and the brother duo on the show:

The one guy is a really good singer, but the other one isn’t as good.  He’s just there to attract the ladies.

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Talking to his brother, 5, about his hat:

No, not like that!  You have to turn it to the side. 

5 turns his hat to the side.

That’s good.  Now you’re a man.

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I’m going to do something for earth day, to make the earth a better place.  I’m going to stop farting, so the air is less stinky.

While that is a lovely (albeit smelly) sentiment, I’m not holding my breath for that to happen.  Although, maybe holding my breath is the best option.

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An interesting tidbit of learning, provided by our local educational establishment, i.e. 2nd grade:

Did you know that when Christopher Columbus sailed over towards the Bahamas, he said, “these are some ugly looking mermaids” about the manatees?  He wrote that in his diary.

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I was opening a bottle of wine, and the cork popped out:

Whoa!  Is there a note in there?

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Hubs:  The sunset is really pretty.

8:  Yeah, it’s 50 shades of grey out there!

I feel like I should be concerned that he is even aware of that title’s existence.  Is my son really a middle-aged sexually frustrated woman?

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8:  Tru dat, tru dat.  Giggle tru giggle dat.

Me:  What?  Where did you hear that?

8:  Mom.  In real life, that means “true that.”

Me:  Thank you for educating me, my son.

Keeping in real up here in da hood, yo. 

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8:  Mommy, today at the park, I heard a boy say a very bad word.

Me:  What kind of very bad word?

8:  The kind that starts with a Shhhh.

Me:  Oh, that IS a very bad word.

8:  Yeah, and it ends with I.T.

Me:  You know if you ever say that, you will be in big trouble, right?

8:  Oh yeah, I know.

But apparently spelling of bad words is just fine.  I guess it’s better than him flinging the F word around the house.

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A 4 Year Old’s Take on the Big Game

4:00 – Mommy and Daddy say we are going to a party later at Aunt Dee’s, so that’s why I have to get an early bath tonight, because we will be home really late.  Baths are fun.  I have Angry Bird Shampoo and Conditioner that I like to use.  I share with my brother, even though sometimes he’s mean and doesn’t share the bath toys with me.  But that’s ok, because sometimes I accidentally splash soapy water in his face while we are taking our bath.  And then he cries.  It’s not nice to not share.

5:00 – Daddy says I have to wear my special purple shirt tonight.  He keeps telling me whose number is on the shirt, but I keep forgetting.  Daddy, stop asking me!  I don’t know.  Just be happy I’m wearing this silly silky thing.

6:00 – When we get to Aunt Dee’s house there are a lot of people there!  I know most of them, since they are my family, especially my little cousins, but some are big and new and scary.  I stay with mommy and daddy as they walk around saying hi.  Mommy says I have to eat now because she doesn’t want to have to focus on me eating when the game is on.  Whatever that means!  She asks if I want some meatballs and some rice stuff.  I think it’s called Jumbo Lya.  She also asks if I want some guacamole and chips, which of course I do.  She tells me not to just eat the chips all up, and to make sure to eat the other food as well.  I tell her I won’t . . . and then I eat every single chip on my plate before touching anything else.  But this rice and shrimp stuff is yummy, too.  And look mommy . . . I can use a chip to scoop up the rice stuff, too!  Can we just use chips instead of spoons from now on for every meal?

6:10 –  I ask mommy for a drink, and she says I can have a juice pouch.  I never get to have juice for dinner!  This is awesome.  Mommy’s drinking some kind of purple juice, so I guess everyone gets to drink juice at this party!

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6:30 – Everyone is getting really excited for the football game on the TV.  I think I’m about done with this food.  I mean, the chips have been gone for ages!  Mom seems kinda distracted, and doesn’t seem to care that I left a lot of food on my plate.  She says I can be done and go play.  Yay!!  I sit down on the floor with my cousins and brother and start watching the football game for a couple of minutes, even though I don’t really care about football all that much, but that’s what everyone else is doing.

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6:35 – Ok, I’m done with football now.  I ask Mommy if she can put more time on the Kindle, even though I usually only get to play for an hour each day.  I ran out of time while I was playing in the car on our way to the party.  But she says I can have more time, and does some magic thing, and yippee I can play my angry birds again.  Game on!!

7:00 – Everybody is being really loud and jumping up and down and high fiving each other.  I guess it’s because of the football.  It’s probably not about me completing this really hard level of Angry Birds.  Maybe if I told them?  I’m sure they’d be just as impressed.

7:01 – They were not very impressed.  Oh well.  I’m having a lot of fun getting to play extra hours of games.  I never get to play this long, so this is really special.  I bet if I sit down here on the floor quietly and play, they won’t even realize I’m playing way more than normal.  All of the adults seem pretty busy yelling and screaming anyway.  Even my brother is interested in the football game, and normally he wants to play this after I’ve had it for a while, but he’s not even saying anything.  So, I get it all to myself!  Best.  Day.  EVER.

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8:00 – I’m getting a little tired of playing Angry Birds.  Which is weird, because I never usually get tired of it.  But I think I’ll go explore.  See what’s going on upstairs.  I think I remember seeing a bunch of toys and stuff to play with up there.  I think I’ll go check it out.

8:05 – Score!  Play-doh.  We don’t have Play-doh at home.  Mommy thinks it’s too messy.  But there is a ton of it here.  And my cousin K, whose house this is, is asking me to come play with her.  Oh boy, I can’t wait to create some beautiful masterpieces.

8:30 – This is so much fun.  I love Play-doh.  I could just sit here making shapes forev . . . wait a minute!  Is that a cat?  Oh man, I want to play with the cat!  I’m gonna chase her and make tst tst tst noises at her and see if she wants to play with me.  Oh!  She’s a really nice kitty and is letting me pet her.  I like this kitty.  She keeps running around the room, and I’m running after her.  This is a fun game.  I reach down to pet her again and . . . ouch!

8:35 – I go down to show mommy where the cat bit me.  Mommy looks at it and asks if I’m ok.  I tell her I am, because it was just a tiny bite and didn’t really hurt very much.  Plus, it’s just a little scratch on my arm.  I even helpfully reenact the kitty biting me by using my own mouth and arm to show mommy.  She kisses my arm to make it all better and tells me to go play, but to maybe leave the kitty alone.  Maybe I’ll play with the Kindle again like my cousins are doing.

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9:00 – I’m tired of the Kindle again.  I ask mommy if I can have another juice, and she tells me to go grab one out of the cooler.  Now I think I need some snacks.  Oooh, crackers!  They have this whole tray of them just sitting out on a low table.  I can just go up and grab as many as I want.  And nobody is saying anything, so it must be ok.  Oh boy . . . there’s the kitty again.  Tst tst tst tst.

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9:15 – The kitty just ran behind that table there with the lamp.  I can probably fit back there to pet him . . . but mommy just noticed me trying to shimmy behind this table and told me to leave the cat alone and stop trying to go behind the table with all the wires.  Hmph!  No fair.  How are kitty and I gonna continue our game?

9:20 – Mommy seems kinda excited.  It looks like she got some money for something.  Oooh, maybe we can go to the dollar store and get some stickers and toys!!  I wonder how many dollars we have to buy things there . . .

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9:30 – Mommy just asked me if I was getting tired.  She says it’s getting late and is way past my bedtime.  But I’m not tired yet.  I think I’ll grab another juice pouch.  Mmmm, juice.

9:45 – Oh!  There’s the kitty again.  She just came out from behind the table and is running across the room.  Oh no, she went behind the TV!  Mommy just yelled for me to not go behind the TV, either.  That mommy sure isn’t any fun sometimes.

10:00 – YAWNNN.  Ok, now maybe I’m getting a little tired.  I wonder when we are going home?  Maybe I’ll just eat some more of these crackers.  Yep, much better.  Hey, my brother is on the couch . . . I think I’ll go jump on him!  Oh boy, now we’re both just bouncing on the couch.  This is so much fun!  Uh-oh, daddy just saw us jumping and told us to calm down.  Drats!  Just when I was having some fun.  Guess I’ll go play the Kindle again.

10:40 – Mommy and daddy say it’s finally time to go home.  That’s good, because I was getting pretty bored.  I think I’ll just have a couple more crackers before I go, though.  Wouldn’t want them to go to waste.  And maybe another juice pouch?  Oh.  Mommy says no more juice for me this late.  Man, no fun!  Oh but, um, yay Ravens!!  Now . . . where’s the Kindle?

11:00 – Mommy says no more Kindle in the car because I’ve played all night.  Boo.

11:15 – Finally home and getting ready for bed.  Mommy is going to bed, too.  She says she has to get up super early tomorrow morning.  GOOD NIGHT, MOMMY!!  LOVE YOU LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS.  Hee hee hee.  Mommy thinks I’m silly.  I get in bed, but I’m not even tired!    I want to just play with my toys and read books and . . . and . . . zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Convos with the Kiddos: Part Eight

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We were watching ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas on TV . . .

78 reindeer?  But where’s Rudolph?
Me:  I think this might have happened before he was born.
7:  Well, is that first reindeer his father . . . Dixon?

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Watching The Voice . . .

Carson Daly:  So if you want to vote for Cassie . . .
7:  I don’t!  She’s awful!
Me:  You’re being pretty mean to her.
7:  You think enemies are nice to their enemies?
Me:  Um, she’s your enemy now?

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A Christmas commercial comes on the TV for Samsung phones (elves make Santa a video, telling him he can watch it on the sleigh, then Mrs. Claus says she also make him a video . . . but that he probably shouldn’t watch it on the sleigh . . .  suggestive look . . . eyebrows raised).

7:  I saw a different commercial like that.  A guy is getting on a plane and his kid made a video, and then his wife also made a video, but tells him he probably shouldn’t watch it on the plane.  I agree!  You probably shouldn’t watch videos on planes.  Except for the ones they have on there for you.

I am so thankfully that he did not catch the naughty undertones of that commercial.

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Listening to a mix tape (yes, I still call it that, but technically a CD) in the car, and Elvis Presley’s Suspicious Minds comes on . . .

Me:  I’ll give you a dollar if you can tell me who sings this.
7:  Hmmmm . . . Michael Buble?
Me:  Sigh.  You’re killing me here, kid.

flaws

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The Geico commercial comes on TV . . .

4:  Is that the eggo?
Me:  What is an eggo?
4:  That little guy on TV.  Is he an eggo?
Me:  No babe, that’s a gecko.

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4:  Nobody wants an old blompy paper.
Me:  Blompy?
4:  Yeah, that means all curled up and crazy.

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4:  Hey mommy, I know something that’s no such thing.
Me:  Oh yeah, what’s that?
4:  Candy Juice!

Yeah, pretty sure that’s called “soda” my son.

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4:  This is true:  when we got there, we saw fire fighters playing basketball.
Me:  That’s true, huh?
4:  Yeah!  And if you’d been there to see it, it would be the truth!

He’s gonna be a brilliant defense attorney someday.  I’m so proud!  *sniff*

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4:  Mommy, I want to make two snowmen.
Me:  I’m not sure there’s enough snow for 2, bud.
4:  Can I tell you why I want to make 2?  Let me whisper in your ear.  ((because I want the snowmen to be you and me!))

Heart . . . melting . . . so . . . much!

Me on the right, my son on the left, and some random pirate kid that jumped in the middle!  (Ok, fine . . . that's 4).

That’s me on the right, my son on the left, and some random pirate kid sitting in the middle! (Ok, fine . . . that’s 4).

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4:  Yeah, do that, baby!
7:  Baby?
4:  You know how some people are Rock Stars and they say, “yeah, baby!”

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4:  You know what I want to be when I grow up?  The Hawk!
7:  You will have to be WAY stronger to be The Hawk.
4:  Oh, I will work out every single day.  And I’ll be like “can I have some broccoli, please?  Can I have some cauliflower, please?” because those are super healthy!

I fully support my son’s goal to become a fictional character.

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Hubs:  I got you guys something from Costa Rica!
7:  ((said with full on disdain))  Let me guess . . . a shirt.
Me:  Well, I guess you don’t want it then, huh?
4:  Maybe it’s a big bag of candy!
Hubs:  Oh yes, I definitely got you guys a big bag of CANDY.
4:  Or maybe it’s a big bag of VEGETABLES.  For 7 to put in his mouth!!

4 is getting way too good with the comebacks.  We’re gonna be in trouble soon . . .

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