Better Than a Glowing Stripper Leg Lamp!

It’s that time again, guys. It’s Award time! I’ve received 2 very prestigious awards from fellow bloggers in the last couple weeks. And it’s my job to pass these on to some other peeps out there in the blogosphere.

The first award I received is the most unique of all awards out there. It was actually created by Leauxra from Does This Make My Blog Look Fat? She is not only a hysterical blogger, a fantastic writer and a lover of the outdoors, but she is a true and talented art-eest! She not only created this award, but drew the picture representing it, which is quite spectacular. Freakishly scary as all get out, but amazing:

How ridiculously awesome but mind-rapingly terrifying is that thing?

As with all awards, this one comes with rules. Here they are:

1. Link back to the person who tagged you. Say what you will. It doesn’t have to be nice. Just know that I will find you. (Done!)

2. Run like hell and hope that that crazy bitch who is following you doesn’t saute your tongue in a butter and garlic sauce.

Wait wait. That isn’t right. That should read, “that crazy bitch that ‘joined’ you in Google Friend Connect.”

Or circled you… or whatever the hell these crazy kids do these days.

Aw, fuck it.

Run.

3. Nominate some OTHER bloggers and ensure that they will never sleep again.

Ok, so if you’ve ever made a comment on my blog, you are hereby nominated..  Lest you think you are being punished  for being a loyal follower of my blog, if you do not want to accept, feel free to ignore this.  But if you think this is pretty cool and wanna get it and pass it on . . . do it.

The next award I received was from Jayne at Ach du Lieber, Jayne!

The Kreativ Blogger Award.  Jayne thinks I’m Kreativ!  Which is high praise indeed coming from a woman who created her own Achtionary in the A to Z challenge, making up new words every day to match the specific letter for that day.  Now THAT’S Kreativ!

So, thanks so much, Jayne!

Ok, so here are the rules:

1. Thank and link back to the person who presented you with the award.  Yep, see above.
2. Answer the ten questions below.
3. Share ten random facts/thoughts about yourself.
4. Nominate seven worthy blogs for the Kreativ Blogger Award.
    

Y’all are always asking me questions.  It’s as if you actually want to know about me, or something.  How can I remain a cranky recluse if I have to keep sharing stuff about myself?  Sigh.  Ok, fine.

What is your favorite song?
This is tough.  I am a lover of a myriad of musical styles and artists, and I’m also pretty old, so I have had many favorites over the numerous years I have been on this earth.  But if I have to peg it down, I’ll go with an old standard . . . Release by Pearl Jam.  It holds a special place in my heart.

What is your favorite dessert?
Also tough.  I love so many desserts.  Probably really good Key Lime Pie (like from The Blonde Giraffe in Key West . . . best key lime pie ever!!).  Either that or maybe an old classic . . . warm Apple Pie a la Mode with vanilla bean ice cream.  Yum.  

What ticks you off?
Can I just say everything and leave it at that.  I’m pretty cranky and most things get on my nerves.  At heart, I think I’m a grumpy old 75 year old man.

When you’re upset, what do you do?
Depends on the situation and setting.  If I’m upset at work, I usually either vent with my colleagues or wait to talk to the hubs when I get home.  If I’m upset with the kids, I try not to yell and find a quiet moment to myself to calm down.  If I’m upset at some douchetastic waste of space motorist, I usually find creative and very vocal ways of expressing my absolute and utter disdain at their existence.   Anything else, I just blog about it.

Which is/was your favorite pet?
They say you never forget your first . . . my first dog was a super sweet collie/lab mix.  She was beautiful and precious and loving and full of life.  There are pictures of me as a child using her belly as a pillow for my head.  It crushed me when I came home from college on break and found out my parents had had her put down.  I mean, she was very old, could hardly walk or see anymore, and it was time.  But I loved her so, and had wanted the chance to say goodbye.  It hurt my heart to know that I would never get to pet her or hug her again.  She was the sweetest thing and I still miss her.

Which do you prefer to wear, black or white?

Black.  At all times.  Black suits, black shoes, black shirts, black dresses.  Everything I own is pretty much black, with some splashes of color here and there.  I hardly ever wear white! 

 What is your biggest fear?

I think my biggest fear is also what most parents fear . . . something horrible happening to my kids.  That is what I’m most fearful of, because obviously I have no control over it, but it would destroy me.  They are where my heart resides. 

 

What is your attitude mostly?

Please see above re: cranky old man. Also, I often tell people that my default setting is SNARK.

 

What is perfection?
Hmm, that is tough.  And this is probably going to sound awful, but probably when my kids are away with their grandparents, and I get a morning to sleep in, then take a nice long bath while reading a book uninterupted, and get to relax for an entire day with no chores.  Yep, mom of the year, right here  <——— 

 

What is your guilty pleasure?
Well, probably watching TV.  There are so many more productive things that I should be doing, but most likely I’d rather be vegging out watching something I’ve DVR’d. 

 

Ok, now’s when I have to come up with some random crap about myself to tell you.  Here goes . . .

Ten random things about me:
1.  I am mostly deaf in my left ear. 
2.  I have had piano lessons as a small child and also played the clarinet in my high school band.  I played neither instrument well. 
3. I’ve had my belly button pierced and 3 holes punched in my ears.  Only 2 holes remain open and in use.  (Why does that sound so dirty?)
4.  My youngest child’s middle name was named after my father. My oldest’s middle name is from my husband’s grandfather. 
5. My great grandfather was a preacher.  So I am descended from a holy man.  That holiness was diluted quite a bit once it got to me, obviously! 
6. My favorite sports team is the Baltimore Ravens. 
7. My first blog post ever was about a foot fetishist. 
8. I was trained and certified as a lifeguard as a teenager. I never actually worked as a lifeguard. 
9. I have really high arches on my feet. 
10.  When I asked my son to tell me a random fact about me, he responded, “I love you, and you’re fun to play with.”  So there you go.

Ok, so now I’m gonna pick some bloggers to pass this on to.  I’m going to pick a couple of my most recent and most hysterical finds on the blogosphere, and then a few who I think really deserve the shout out, because they are ridiculously awesome and need the attention:

Bluzdude from Darwinfish2.  Bluz is a fellow Marylander and loves going to ball games and getting himself on TV.  So really, he’s a famous television star.  You should definitely check him out. 

Darla of She’s a Mainiac doesn’t need me to promote her, and has probably received this award before, being a famous Freshly Pressed blogger and all.  But I just started reading her and find her writing both hilarious and poignant. Plus, she can write the hell out of a short story. If you haven’t discovered her yet, get on that!

Jules of Go Guilty Pleasures is mah girl.  She is adorable, she rocks a side pony like nobody’s bizness, and her stalking conversing skills with her future second husband (Darren Criss) are amazing!  Plus, she has also been Freshly Pressed, so you would be in the presence of greatness, again! 

Lauren is just the most adorable goofball you will ever meet.  She talks about her recent triumph in getting her boyfriend of many years to finally make her an honest woman over at Filing Jointly . . . Finally.  Oh, and cheese.  She talks a lot about cheese.  And monkeys.  Yeah, like I said, she’s a little bit wacky, but in a totally adorable way.  I kinda just wanna carry her around in my pocket all day, she is so cute.  But I won’t.  Because that kind of thing is probably illegal.

Red is 1 of only 2 bloggers that I have ever met.  And she blogs over at Doesn’t Speak Klingon.  She doesn’t, as far as I can tell.  You can read all about her exploits with her internet fiance (and current real life squeeze) Brett, at both of their blogs.  She is fantastic and super fun.  She just up and moved from Delaware to Indiana and writes about her current status in limbo.  Her blog is also invaded occasionally by her alter ego, the Movie Whore, who reviews the recent movies that Red takes her to see.  Check her out.  You won’t be sorry!

Mandi is one of the funniest, irreverent and balls to the wall crazy bloggers that I have ever known.  Her blog, Atypically Relevant is full of wit and humor and a lot of creative expletives regarding her sophmoronic coed tenants that she has to deal with on a daily basis.  She faces more abject stupidity and college aged teet-sucking momma’s boys/girls than any sane person should.  But the stories are divine.  I’m not sure how her head hasn’t exploded clear off her head by now, but I’m glad it hasn’t and she keeps relaying these tales of Darwinism gone wrong.

Last but not least . . . Valerie Nunez and the Flying Platypi.  Valerie is new to this blogging game, but she has come out swinging.  I just discovered her blog a couple weeks ago, and I have already laughed so hard at her antics.  She loves all things Harry Potter and Zombie.  In fact, she is currently training to be a Zombie Fighter Extraordinaire, so even if you don’t wanna go to her blog, she just might be someone you want on your good side when the Zombiepocalypse comes.

Phew!  Ok, all done.  Pass the love peeps.

(Sorry about the wonky formatting of this post.  I could not figure out how to fix it no matter how much I tweaked it.  Gah!).