Elf You!

I have something that I need to share with you all, and I feel that right here on my blog is the appropriate place to do it.  So here goes . . .

I have a mixed marriage.

That’s right.  It’s true.  I know you are probably shocked and appalled, and honestly, I don’t blame you.

Most of the time, it is just fine.  My husband and I get along well.  There are many other things that we have in common, that bind us and connect us in more ways than the things that cause discord.  But around this time of year, our stark differences become apparent, and it gets tougher to ignore the obvious.  That we are two very different species.

It is time to come clean.  I am married to . . . an Elf!

Not this elf . . .

Please don’t judge him or my love for him too harshly.  You don’t know what it’s like until you have dealt with it yourself.  I have learned to live with his hyper-cheeriness and overly exuberant holiday ways.  But sometimes it is difficult.  VERY difficult.  Like this last weekend.

Thanksgiving was relatively early this year.  There is a full week of November left after the turkey holiday passes, leaving more than a month to prepare for Christmas.  And while other families are sedated and stuffed full of turkey and taters and cranberry sauce, we in the “Laws” household do things a little differently on the day after this gluttonous holiday celebration.  No, not Black Friday shopping!  Now that would be cause for divorce.  We do something even more insidious and obnoxious.  We . . . go cut down our Christmas tree.

Every single year.  Every.  Single.  YEAR.  The day after Thanksgiving, you will find me and the kids, traipsing along behind our resident Elf, through fields and fields of fresh Christmas trees, trying to find the perfect specimen of nature to unceremoniously chop down and haul home on the top of our roof.  Shameful.

Oh, but that is not the worst of it.  Not even by a small percentage.  Ho ho no!  When we drag this poor, formerly grand and living creature into our living room, hoist it up inside a little plastic vice, and prepare it for display, guess who gets to do all the work to decorate this behemoth.  Not the Elf.  No sir.  It is I . . . the Scrooge.

Bah Humbug!

What is this?  (I’m sure you are wondering).  How on earth does the non-Elf of the family get roped into being the one who is solely responsible for tree positioning, lighting, bowing and ornamenting?  Especially since said anti-Elf is actually allergic to pine and gets all of these nifty little red bumps all up and down her arms when she comes in contact with said tree?  ‘Tis a mystery, indeed.  But somehow, over the many years of our unholy union holy matrimony, the hubs and I have come up with an unspoken deal whereas I am responsible for all of the inside decoration, including the hateful tree, and he deals with everything out of doors. This includes climbing all over the house to hang up lights, so I guess I at least get the safer end of this bargain, if not the better part.

But this is not the worst part.  You would think it would be the fact that I’ve somehow willingly gone along with this madness of cutting down a tree and installing it squarely in our otherwise non-naturey living room the very day after Thanksgiving (there are still leftovers, people!), ensuring that once the tree is removed from the home, those stabby little dead needles will assault me repetitively as I try to remove all of the decorations from it’s boughs . . . but no.  Or the fact that no matter how well I plan, or how new all of the string of lights to be hung around the tree are, that every year, EVERY SINGLE YEAR, a strand will go out after I have spent over an hour wrapping the entire tree in sparkly lights, thus causing part of, or sometimes all of, the tree to be doused in darkness.

This year it was the bottom strand of lights. Fun.

Oh no, it is not just that.  Alas, it has now become dire.  I fear for us all at this point.  Because this year?  Oh this year . . . apparently my husband’s Elfiness is contagious.

That’s right.  They are . . . mini Elves!!  Upon returning to the house after running an errand with my hubs, and seeing their mother in a battle royale of wrestling lights onto this abomination, my children rushed upstairs to change their clothes, and completely unbidden, returned wearing Christmas PJs.  The little one is actually dressed as an Elf, and the biggun is wearing Santa PJs.

I felt it necessary to warn everyone of this development.  Since I am now surrounded, it is only a matter of time before I succumb to their cheery and Elfy influences.  I’ve fought a good long hard fight, but I fear I have come to my end.  I wish to bid you adieu, and warn you to remain vigilant, my friends.  Afterall . . . if you don’t stay aware, this could also happen to you.  You’ve been warned.

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Are you a Scrooge or an Elf?  Are you surrounded by like-minded folk, or are you also in a mixed relationship?  Am I the ONLY ONE who has their tree already up and decorated???  Say it ain’t so.

Third Time’s the Charm

If you are a frequent visitor to the world of Misty’s Laws, you might remember a couple posts I have done previously about a friend of mine, and our often calamitous attempts at going to events together.

(If you are new, go here and here to acquaint yourself with the previous stories of our disastrous nights out).

A couple weeks ago, we tried our third, and possibly final, attempt at going out together.  We were once again trying to go to an anniversary showing of a classic cinematic masterpiece.  Our first foray, Singing in the Rain, malfunctioned before the ending and left us disappointed from having to miss the final 5 minutes of the movie.  This movie would be at the same theater, so we were desperately hoping that they had worked out whatever kinks had occurred to cause the problem we had the previous time.  But, foolhardy and kid-free fancy free, we were willing to take the chance.  Even if it might be the death of one of us (See: my friend passing out at Wicked the last time we attempted to go out).

The movie we saw was a true cinematic classic . . . To Kill a Mockingbird.  It was the 50th Anniversary of the movie’s original theater release.  It had been years since I’d last seen this movie, so I was really excited to see it again, and this time on the big screen.  Hopefully to the very end even!

To Kill a Mockingbird is a movie based on a novel by the same name, by Harper Lee.  This was actually the first book I remember reading in school and falling in love with.  I was in 4th grade.  I remember using a typewriter to peck out words I wrote for a book report on the novel.  Everything about this book touched and effected me in a way that would grip me and shape many of my scholarly choices over the course of my life.  I fell in love with literature because of this book.  I was a voracious reader throughout my school years, and eventually became an English Literature major in college because of my love of just reading books. 

I would go on to read this book multiple times for many other school projects (the danger/benefit of going to 4 different schools before 12th grade is the repeat of certain subject matter), and then on my own a few times after that.  It has been years since I picked up the book, but it still holds a special place in my heart.  I can say with certainty that this is my absolute favorite book (with Faulkner’s The Sound and the Fury coming in a very close second).

We started our evening with my friend driving to the event.  I have driven to all the other events, as 1. we were usually running late, 2. I always knew exactly where we were going, and 3. I drive like a speed demon.  On this occasion, however, we were not late and when she offered, I graciously accepted her offer to drive.  I spend close to 3 hours a day driving during my commute, so really it was a welcome break.

We arrived at the theater in a timely manner and even got really perfect seats (as opposed to the last movie where we were the last to arrive and had to sit in the first row, craning our necks up to the screen).  We even had time to run out and get snacks before the movie started.  While we were waiting for the movie to begin, they played a little TCM biography type short about the movie, talking about the awards it won (3 Academy Awards, including best actor for Gregory Peck), some interviews with the cast and crew, and a surprising bit of information to me.  I had not previously known (or I had and just forgot) that Robert Duval plays a vital character in this movie.  And apparently, it was his first cinematic role.  He doesn’t speak at all in the film, but you definitely know it’s him.  Especially after they tell you he’s in it and you are looking for him!

I discovered, as the movie was about to begin, that my friend had not only never seen the movie, but had not read the book.  I guess since I’ve read it so many times, mostly assigned by schools, I just assumed everyone had read it.  It was unfortunate that I didn’t ask her if she had read it when I was getting the tickets, many weeks ago, as I probably would have insisted that she at least attempt to read it before seeing the movie.  But she has vowed to read it now, saying she owns it but has just never gotten around to reading it.  I guess that will just have to do.  Of course, she loved the movie, and even vocally reacted to some of the best scenes (the courtroom verdict being her most vociferous exclamation).  My favorite scene is probably the scene at the jail.  There is just something so moving about innocence triumphing over hatred and anger.

The good news is that we actually got to see the movie in it’s entirety.  Yay!!  The bad news, at least for my friend, is she will apparently have to play chauffeur from now on, as that seems to be the key difference between this successful event and the previous disastrous ones.

And, I’m not sure if you were aware of this, but this movie was not the only significant cinematic event that was scheduled to occur that evening.  As we arrived at the theater, I saw a few people lined up on the side of the aisle leading to the entrance to the theaters, obviously waiting for something to start.  I really didn’t give it much thought . . . that is until we left the movie some 2 1/2 hours later, and that line had grown to this:

That’s right . . . that line (which extended far beyond my camera’s capacity to capture it) was for the opening of the final  episode in the Twilight saga.  When I told my friend, Jen, that I had gone to a movie that night, she asked me if I had gone to see Twilight (threatening bodily harm if the answer given was in the affirmative).  I simply replied with a “have you met me?”  To which, of course, she conceded was a valid point.  But seriously . . . one time showing of a classic cinematic masterpiece of theater based on my all time favorite novel v. sparkly vampire dreck?  Yeah, pretty sure you know which one of those options wins out in my book.

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Please tell me you have read and/or seen To Kill a Mockingbird (and refrain from telling me how much you just love Twilight and how you are Team Edward).  What is your favorite book to movie adaptation?

Happy Ninjasgiving!!

This is not a real post, so don’t get too excited.  I will return next week after a long, restful stuffing and turkey filled break from work and blogging.  And I hope to be refreshed and ready to get back to it!

I just wanted to remind everyone to enter the contest for the fantabulous Ninja Mug giveaway from Monday’s post.  I’ve only received a few entries, and while they are stellar, I want more more MORE!!  I’m pretty greedy like that.

You know you want me . . .

So, head over there sometime during your Thanksgiving break . . . maybe while you are trying to escape your in-laws, or stuffed from all the good eating, or maybe even waiting in a parking lot for Black Friday stores to open.  At some point, when you have a little time, and are feeling creative, head on over there and spin a yarn to enter for your chance to win.

And I just want to take this time to thank everyone who reads my blog.  I am truly and seriously grateful for all of the people I have met on this crazy blogosphere ride over the last year+.  I have made many friends from this endeavor, and I feel very lucky to have had the opportunity to interact with all of you.  I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday, full of delicious food and crazy stories of family shenanigans to blog about later!!  (Just remember . . . torturous family holidays make for excellent blogging material!!).

Happy Thanksgiving Ninjasgiving, everyone!  See you on the flip side.  🙂

Trust Me, I’m a Ninja

Hey there!  Remember me?  No?  Oh, ok then . . .

Well, it’s time to pick a winner for my drawing from a couple weeks ago for the magnificent and not at all sexually themed Pen & Tape Dispenser office set.  So very exciting, right?  Yep, thought so.

So, as always, I enlisted the help of my esteemed and famous name picker out of a hatter, my son 7. How lucky you are that he was willing to pause his football game on the iPad to draw a name.

This was the super lucky contestant that needs to “come on down!”

CONGRATULATIONS BYRONIC MAN!!  Send your address to:  mistyslaws@gmail.com, and I will send you your fab prize.  Our prizes will probably be passing each other somewhere in Kansas. 😉

Ok, now is where it gets good.  If you have read this post up until this point, obviously now trying to get over your crushing disappointment from not winning that awesome and unique prize above . . . I have something that will not only soothe your battered soul, but reward your continued reading of this post.

ANOTHER GIVE AWAY!!

But wait!  (you say).  How could one blogger be both so beautiful AND so generous all at the same time?

And to that I say, “flattery will not help your chances, so stuff it, bucko!”

But, you do have a point.  Maybe it’s too soon.  Maybe I should wait to let the smoke clear from this previous outstanding and totally vied for prize give away.  I mean, I don’t want you guys to think I’m just trying to buy your affections or anything with all these prizes (I totally am, is it working yet?  How about now?  Now?).

Or maybe, just maybe, nobody is really interested in this little ole prize that I’ve decided to give away next . . .

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Yeah, that’s what I figured.  Nobody’s really interested, right?  Oh well . . . it was worth a try, anyway.

I’ll just be over here, all by my lonesome, sipping super secret and sneaky hot cocoa out of my new awesome ninja mug.  Don’t mind me.  Just move along.  Nothing to see here . . .

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What’s that?  You say you do want this ninja mug?  Really?  Oh goodie!  This means that you do love me!!!  Or, maybe it means that you just think this ninja mug is super rad and you really wanna win it?  Right.  That second one.  Oh man, this is embarassing.  Geez.

Ok, let’s just move along to details.  Obviously, I am not gonna just give this fantastic mug to just any old person who comments.  Nope.  You gotta work for this one, peeps.  You’re gonna earn this mug.

(And please note, I will not be sending you my cocoa stained mug, but a brand spanking new mug of your very own).

So, in honor of the mug, I want you to tell me a story about you being a Ninja.  Here’s the set up:  imagine you are a Ninja in any time period and place in history. You have been hired to use your super stealthy skills to sneak up on and dispatch of an enemy. And while you are invisibly waiting and watching, you get to see an important or historic event. Were you hidden in the dark late at night on an evening in 1972 in the Watergate Apartments, to see what occurred there?  Were you in a secret alcove on the Warner Bros. backlot, watching Bogart & Bacall film their famous scenes for Casablanca?  Hiding backstage at the very moment of the infamous event that started the British Invasion, on the Ed Sullivan Show?

Those are just examples.  Feel free to create your own situation. It could be ancient times, or just last week. Tell me a story about what you saw at a significant time, as you were a “Ninja on the wall.”  I will pick the most creative, interesting, or funny story as the winner, and the author will get the Ninja Mug.  That’s right, no picking names out of hats for this one.  I’m picking this winner. So you need to impress me with your inventive and wonderful story. I can’t wait to be entertained. Make ’em good, peeps.

(Thank you to Jules, of the famous and highly revered Go Jules Go, for this absolutely brilliant contest idea. As always, you are the wind beneath my wings!)

Wrap-Up That Rascal!

So, some happenings have been afoot in the ole “Laws” household this past week, so it’s been a hectic, stressful and bewildering one, to say the least.  Nothing bad, and everyone’s fine, so no worries.  I can’t get into details at this time, but let’s just say that my mind has been on other things besides blogging.

Accordingly, I am totally phoning it in doing a review post.  I wanted to do a follow up of some of my most recent posts, and figured this would be a good time, since I’m totally blowing off this whole thing otherwise distracted.

Last week, I wrote about how I won the very prestigious and highly coveted prize for best hat in Jules’ Hold Onto Your Hats Halloween Contest.  This was the winning hat:

Mmmmm, Mac & Cheesehead.

Well, Jules graciously offered to gift me with an awesome pair of stache glasses as my prize.  However, she had already previously gifted me a pair at BlogHer, so she also told me that I could get anything else that I wanted in lieu of another pair.

They really bring out the color of my . . . toes.

So, I decided to go with something else.  Something not eyewear or even mustache related.  But still something very very me.  And luckily Jules approved and thought it was a great prize.  So she ordered it (even without having electricity, she’s such a superstar!), and sent it my way.  Behold, my super stealthy prize:

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How rad is that?  But wait . . . there’s more.  When you turn the mug around, you get a super stealthy sneaky message on the back:

Love that mug so hard.  Thanks again, Jules!  You totally rock.

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The next follow up is to my post from earlier this week.  My giveaway post that it seems not very many people want to participate in.  Have I mentioned the prize?

I mean come on!  Who wouldn’t want this totally awesome sex toy office supply for yourself?  A pen and a tape dispenser?  What is this . . . Christmas??

Anyway, if you are interested, make sure you comment on the post and tell me a story about someone doing something really sweet and lovely for you when you needed a pick me up.

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And to end on a funny note . . . after my post on Wednesday about the Elections being over and thankfully also the ads for the candidates/issues, I found some great cartoons on point.  After I posted, of course.  So, I figured I would share them with you here, because they are funny, and well, because I can.  Enjoy!

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Happy weekend, everyone!!

Vote for November 7th!!

Ah, the day after election day.  What a glorious, beautiful day.

blog.smithsonianmag.com

See, I am not a political person.  I find politics quite boring, and campaigning always leaves me feeling like I just watched two 12 year old girls having a slap fight.  It’s just not any fun for me at all to see all the name calling, dirt throwing and bickering.  If I wanted to watch that, I would just give one toy to my two boys and watch the games begin.  No thanks.

What with the incessant commercials playing non-stop the last few months, I am so incredibly sick of hearing about everybody’s side of things and how the other guy is so awful and will basically destroy the entire universe if elected.  Look, I’ve got news for you . . . you are all politicians.  Hence, you all suck.  The end.

In Maryland, we are at least spared most of the Presidential commercials.  Maryland is a staunchly Democratic state, and unless the Republican nominee was running against an actual donkey . . . yeah, even then it would probably still go Dem.  We have received a few Robocalls, but have been able to basically ignore those most of the time.  They were sneaky though, because they were using cell phone numbers, so you weren’t sure if it was a real person or not.  Basically, we just stopped answering the phone about a week ago.  Problem . . . solved.

But that doesn’t mean we haven’t had to deal with the onslaught of commercials regarding the issues to be decided in the State.  Most notably the race for State Senate, and Questions 6 & 7.  Question 6 is about gay marriage, and Question 7 (this is the biggie) is about whether we should allow a casino to be built in Baltimore (pro = keep our money in state and not in WV casinos / con = none of the money will go to schools as promised, etc.)  There have been no end to the debates on all of these races/issues.   And at the final hour, it got quite heated and vicious.  There is a lot of money in these issues.  There must be, for that kind of continuous and excessive airtime.

But all of that came to an end yesterday.  Election Day.  And now is a time of peace.  A time where I do not have to hear any more bickering either on my radio or my television.  Where we have our President decided for the next 4 years, whoever that may be (this post was written prior to the final decision).  Where our state either allows gay marriage or allows the bigots to win.  And where we either will start to build a casino, or have to wait until the next round of voting to argue about that issue.  Again.  But, the good news is . . . that it is over!!  No more commercials.  No more calls.  No more name calling.  No more headaches! 

God Bless America.

It Looks Just Like You!

My secretary is rad.  I believe I’ve mentioned this once or twice before.  Really, she is one of the only good things in this cesspool of an office I work in.  Truly.

She is a collector of odd office supplies.  Her desk is covered with all sorts of odds and ends and she is just a little bit kooky.  Which I love about her.  She is also one of the sweetest and most giving people I’ve ever met.  She’s the type that will see something in a store, think of you, and just buy it for you and give it to you.  (I do that, too.  Probably why we get along so well).  She’s also the kind of person who will notice that you’ve been really down lately and fix you up a little “office brightener” by way of a plant.  She thought it might lift my mood.  Plus, she assured me that this plant is “unkillable.”  To which, of course, I responded, “challenge . . . accepted!” 

So far it’s still kickin’ breathing, however . . . I have mad plant killing skillz.  It’s a gift, really.  So, it’s really only a matter of time.  Sorry planty!

But, putting aside the unrealistic gifting of a living thing to moi, she is really the sweetest person and I am so lucky to have her working with me.  So, accordingly, when I made my last foray into Target, I saw something that totally reminded me of her:

As you can see, it is a Desk Set, complete with Tape Dispenser & Multi-Pen/Highlighter.  Of course.  It’s cute, functional and a little bit kooky . . . just like my secretary!

This is what it looks like all out and about and set up:

Of course, being my smartass secretary, when I gave this to her, she asked me, “did you get this for me because she has a big butt just like mine?”  To which I replied, “Yes, absolutely.  I saw this and immediately thought, ‘hey look!  It’s my secretary’s big butt!'” 

So, you are probably wondering right about now . . . yeah, yeah, yeah, lovefest for your secretary, gift buying, yada yada, why do I care?  Well, I’ll tell you why you should care . . . because I am also giving away one of these fab items to one of you!!

That’s right!!  I didn’t just buy this for her, but for one lucky winner as well.  I just thought it was completely awesome, and it also works and looks adorable on the desk.  And, who doesn’t love one of those multi-pen/highlighter combinations??

Right-o.  So, what do you have to do to win this highly coveted and most awesome prize?  Well, your eternal love and devotion would be good, but in addition to that, how about a comment below that tells me about a time that someone did something really nice for you to brighten your otherwise crappy day/life.  Tell me about someone like my secretary that, despite a sometimes hellish existence, will do something to make you smile.  Story time, peeps.

I’ll draw a winner in a couple weeks.  I will also probably throw in some other random thing that I have lying around truly exquisite and unique item!  Good luck, all.

Surviving Sandy & Candy

Well, so far this week I have weathered two storms . . . Frankenstorm Sandy and a tidal wave of children hopped up on sugar.  These are the after effects of both . . .

The hurricane came and went with very little damage to yours truly, although watching the news and speaking to friends and family, we were the lucky ones.  We never lost power for more than a few seconds or so, and did not experience any excessive damage to the house.  That was, of course, because we had a brand new generator, had the bathtubs and huge pots in the kitchen filled with water, and all of our flashlights were in working condition.  You’re welcome, Maryland. 

Granted, my front window did decide to take this opportunity to start pissing rain water into my house, so I was on “dog towel” duty all day Monday and most of Tuesday, but that was minor in comparison to what we could have experienced.

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Although, watching the news, I saw that the coastal areas of the East Coast got hit pretty hard, with some major flooding.  This is the restaurant/bar my family and I frequent when we go down to Ocean City, MD every year:

Yeah, it’s not normally an island of it’s own.  And then, of course, in our neighboring states of New Jersey and New York, there was quite a bit of flooding as well:

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Somewhere in New York City.

I understand people in those regions still are without electricity and phone service.  I hope they get their services back and running as soon as possible. 

One fun aside was some of the news footage of the storm.  While watching flooding and people who have lost their homes and electricity is never fun . . . watching the idiot reporters try to report from out in the middle of a hurricane always makes my day.  This guy couldn’t even stand up to talk to the reporters in the newsroom.  Safe and dry reporters I might add:

I’m sad to report . . . I mean happy, happy to report he did not get blown away as he was still standing the next morning, reporting from the beach again.  However, I feel this would have been an appropriate Darwin moment.

Once the storm had passed, we then had the onslaught of Halloween festivities, beginning with the costume parade at my son’s school.  There were some interesting costumes there.  Some of my favorites:

Hey look!  It’s a (sing it with me now, peeps) One eyed, one horned, flying purple people eater . . .

Not sure what these guys were supposed to be.  But I appreciate the all over body suit type costumes for ease of posting on my blog without worrying about showing kid faces! 

My favorite part of this ostrich riding outfit was the jaunty fedora the kid is wearing. 

If I had known someone was dressing as a laundry basket, I would have brought some of mine to sneak in there with her load!

STAY PUFT!!  And then there was this . . .

 

 

Uh-oh.  Dude, I bet it got ugly out on the playground at recess that day.

 

The teachers dressed up, too.  This was Cruella and her Dalmatians.

I think this was the principal.  I was a bit too freaked out by this costume to ask, though.

This was my favorite costume that came to our house for trick or treating.  I love the homemade creative ones.

My kids dressed as the obligatory Avenger superheroes, thus necessitating that their parents join in on that theme.  Last year they were Things One and Two, so I got a striped hat and big red bow tie and went around as Suess.  This year, they were Iron Man and Captain America, so I wore black and donned a red wig, ala Black Widow.  I also made the hubs dress the part this year as well, much to his chagrin.  All he had to do was wear khaki shorts and a green shirt, and I got him this knit hat with hulk hair and eyebrows on it.  So, we were a family of superheroes. 

Which lasted just long enough to take pictures of it, then my youngest took the mask and gloves off, got cold when we went outside, and ended up trick or treating in two sweatshirts, one so big (it was his dad’s) that it covered his entire body down to his feet.  I just told everyone he was going as Sweatshirt Boy!  His powers are legendary. 

And yes, he was also eating a cupcake while we were trick or treating.  He likes to get a nice sugar coating around his tummy before he hits the big stuff later in the night.

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How did you fair in the storm?  What did you (or your kids) go as for Halloween?  What was the most creative costume you saw?