It’s been a while since I phoned it in compiled a list of recent search terms that have purportedly directed people to my site. And then Thoughtsy of Thoughts Appear’S blog fame did a similar post, so I have shamelessly copied taken inspiration from her brilliance by compiling my own most recent list of crazy and bizarre search terms.
Penis lost cartoon
Buttcrack sexy
These were both searched for on the same day. Possibly by the same person, as far as I know. Not sure what exactly led them to my blog, as I don’t recall posting anything about a lost penis nor buttcracks being sexy. That I remember, anyway.
Spycam cameltoe
Waldo thought he whacked her
These were both a few days later. I’m pretty sure I haven’t talked a lot about cameltoe in the past. That’s more Vesta’s forte. But a spycam cameltoe? I’m not even sure how that’s logistically possible. Like, is it a spycam shaped like a cameltoe, or is it a spycam situated in a cameltoe. You know what . . . I’ve spent too much time contemplating this already. And I honestly do not want to know the answer to that question. Let’s move on.
This next one gives me pause. Is there some psycho Waldo walking around killing innocent women? Maybe that’s why he’s so hard to find? But why, praytell, is someone searching for this? There are some real sickos out there. Man.
stop posting nasty pictures
Wait, but . . . what will I post about, then? I don’t appreciate you Mr. Random Searcher telling me what to do with my blog, either. So there.
Chocolate dildos
Happy Valentine’s Day!! Here’s a dick. Yeah, I’m thinking that would get a little too . . . melty.
lifeguard men nipple rings
Now, I know that I did post some gratuitous pictures last summer of lifeguards running on the beach. Yet, I fail to recall any mention of them having nipple rings. Also . . . this was searched for six times, and then brought people to my site. That’s a lot of nipple rings.
drunk chick fucks at the train tracks
Was this some vital piece of news that I missed? Because there were 2 searches for this. I have no idea how they came to my site.
pics of New Zealand sluts
Well, you’re not gonna find any of that on this site. I mean, all of the New Zealanders I know are fine, upstanding, chaste citizens. Well . . . then again, there is this one. Ok, fine searchers . . . here!
hot strawberry shortcake slut
Yeah, I’ve got nothing for this one. What an odd fetish. Is there a “hot my little pony slut” search out there as well? Wait, do not answer that!
pee stained pantyhose
Another fetish that I probably don’t need to know about. Oh, and 3 people searched for this and found my blog. Why?
the name of human body inside things with map
This one I know why. I did this post, eons ago (seriously, it was the fourth post I ever did!), about not knowing where the appendix is, and I included a picture of organs inside the body. A picture I got from somewhere online. Well, apparently, my blog is the preeminent place for people in India to find that picture. It is pretty much my most visited post, but with the fewest comments. They are going there solely to copy the picture. But I’ve never heard it referred to as a map before. That’s new.
ass boy and clothed girls
Hmmmm. This actually seems like the absolute opposite of what I usually have on my blog. Maybe clothed boy and ass girls? Yeah, that’s the search I could see.
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Ok, your turn . . . what are some strange search terms you’ve had lately?
Vesta Vayne
Feb 01, 2013 @ 09:23:08
Ha! Ah, search terms, so much fun. Yesterday I got one for ‘camel toe illustrated’, not sure if that’s like Sports Illustrated, or if they wanted drawings. But the best one from yesterday was ‘does cayenne pepper give big butt’
Um…
pegoleg
Feb 01, 2013 @ 11:32:54
What’s with all the camel-toe searches, you guys? Is there something going on that I should know about?
mistyslaws
Feb 13, 2013 @ 21:19:17
Oh my god, Vesta . . . all these years and THAT’S been my problem!! Cayenne pepper? Dammit.
Peg – it is a problem. It is such a problem.
Jen
Feb 01, 2013 @ 09:48:17
My favorite search term had to be “transparent cattle dildos”. I . . .I don’t even know where to go with that.
mistyslaws
Feb 13, 2013 @ 20:50:43
Yeah. I don’t even know. And who is searching for such a thing?
hiddinsight
Feb 01, 2013 @ 10:02:42
Oooooh…I like this game! I’ve got “my muscles hurt” and “the human brain foggy” over here…and a lot of anatomy surprises. Also, I made up this word for a blog post, but apparently it’s a real thing because everyone comes to my blog to read about what it’s not…did you know taboolicious is real!?
mistyslaws
Feb 13, 2013 @ 20:52:12
Taboolicious? What, praytell, is that wonderful word?
hiddinsight
Feb 14, 2013 @ 01:36:54
Sometimes I think I’m making up a new word only to discover it has been utterly destroyed by others (taboo + delicious= taboolicious). In this case, my post was mostly innocent…but Its an online xxx business.
pegoleg
Feb 01, 2013 @ 11:49:50
I don’t check the search terms very often, so you inspired me to blow away the cobwebs and check them out. Apparently I don’t get those weird, sexual search terms. Really. I must run a dull place.
But I did have a search just this week for “hangover peg”. What? What have people been saying? I didn’t think anybody I knew was AT that party?
mistyslaws
Feb 13, 2013 @ 20:53:06
Oh Peg. Everyone knows. It’s ok. This is a safe place. 😉
atypicallyrelevant
Feb 01, 2013 @ 12:27:00
Ready for this one? Titty slaughter. Seven times.
Yeah, I got nothin’ either.
mistyslaws
Feb 13, 2013 @ 20:54:21
Titty slaughter? What kind of sickos are looking for that?
Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd
Feb 01, 2013 @ 12:39:12
“blood covered owl pics” – which, to be fair, I did write a post about. Also “dragon farts” and “oldvintage pee and pooping.com,” and why would I keep looking after that one?
mistyslaws
Feb 13, 2013 @ 20:56:01
I remember that owl post. But is there a site about vintage pee and poop? Seriously, like people keeping . . . old . . . yeah, I can’t even . . .
JM Randolph
Feb 01, 2013 @ 12:43:37
Chocolate dildos cracked me up. I haven’t had any good searches lately- the top ones are of Berlin-specific icons, puggles, and stepmom porn (but like, generic, and unimaginative. *sigh*)
mistyslaws
Feb 13, 2013 @ 20:57:52
Oh man. I’m sorry. I mean if you are going to get stepmom searches, they should at least be creative. Fail!
winopants
Feb 01, 2013 @ 14:54:14
Waldo thought he whacked her? What does that even mean?
I don’t get anything too crazy on ramble. My work blog gets some slightly funnier searches (if still tame), one of my favorite being “winter dream wino” Sounds so romantic. Today “white guy on food network” showed up. I hate to tell this person, you’re not narrowing your search down much.
mistyslaws
Feb 13, 2013 @ 20:58:37
Yeah, pretty much unless you are looking for The Nealys, you are talking about every single food network guy on there.
The Byronic Man
Feb 01, 2013 @ 17:47:04
Wow, I haven’t done a search-engine post in a while. Going through the search terms is always good for a laugh. A confused, disturbed laugh.
mistyslaws
Feb 13, 2013 @ 21:00:24
It’s funny, except when you think about the crazies looking for this wacky stuff. Then it’s just plain disturbing.
prttynpnk
Feb 01, 2013 @ 18:15:20
If I were a super hero I would of course show minimal initiative and go for being a sidekick so that i could be part of ‘ass boy and clothed girl’….
mistyslaws
Feb 13, 2013 @ 21:03:37
Being a superhero is way too much work. I’d rather just sit back and let someone else take the blame/credit. I’m lazy like that.
Bluzdude
Feb 01, 2013 @ 18:21:45
I got this search a few weeks ago: “If farting were taxed I’d be in serious trouble.” Belgrade, Serbia. I do NOT want to know what they’re eating in Serbia.
mistyslaws
Feb 13, 2013 @ 21:04:38
Borscht makes you very gassy, apparently.
the cotton floozy
Feb 01, 2013 @ 19:10:50
My searches are normal. You know, lesbian hookers, crochet bikinis, anything with the word poop. And ‘spycam cameltoe’? How do you think I found your blog?
mistyslaws
Feb 13, 2013 @ 21:05:29
Ahhh, that was YOU! I should have known. Sorry you didn’t find what you were looking for.
Valerie
Feb 01, 2013 @ 22:44:48
Spy am camel toe is exactly how I found you… What!?!
Hugs!
Valerie
mistyslaws
Feb 13, 2013 @ 21:05:58
Who knew I was famous for that. Sorry you didn’t find it.
tazer warrior princess
Feb 02, 2013 @ 01:14:43
Today?
Unicorn meat.
mistyslaws
Feb 13, 2013 @ 21:06:11
Naturally.
cestlavie22
Feb 02, 2013 @ 20:40:43
When I read this post I was excited thinking this could be a new blog idea for me…sadly my search terms are not all that funny…however when I looked at all time search terms I did find a few questionable ones for example “baby private parts” I do not even want to know…
I also wanted to mention that I mentioned you in a post – “http://cestlavie22.wordpress.com/2013/02/02/taking-a-little-time-for-me/” Hope you dont mind 🙂
mistyslaws
Feb 13, 2013 @ 21:08:40
Of course I don’t mind! I’m honored, really. And happy to provide an idea for you. Your post was great.
transformednonconformist
Feb 03, 2013 @ 01:12:47
BUTT CRACK YEAST INFECTION – over 30 times
I don’t understand why people search for some of this stuff to begin with.
mistyslaws
Feb 13, 2013 @ 21:11:09
Well, that’s how I found you. Sorry about all those searches. I got a little carried away.
Go Jules Go
Feb 03, 2013 @ 08:25:48
Ha, wow. It is so true, though – you always catch yourself at that certain moment: “I have just thought about this WAY too long.”
mistyslaws
Feb 13, 2013 @ 21:12:06
Seriously, my mind starts going down that path, and it is a dark one indeed. Best to veer off into the light.
Valentine Logar
Feb 03, 2013 @ 09:19:22
I refuse to look just based on the spam I delete every day, it scares me greatly.
mistyslaws
Feb 13, 2013 @ 21:12:36
It’s super scary, indeed.
thoughtsappear
Feb 04, 2013 @ 18:34:15
I knew that Waldo was dangerous.
mistyslaws
Feb 13, 2013 @ 21:12:57
He always seemed like a creeper.