I Do NOT Have a Problem

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If you were to visit my home and walk into my dining room, the first thing that would be apparent to you is that we do not use that room to dine.  There is no dining room table, no chairs, no side hutch.  Pretty much a whole lot of nothing in the middle of that room.  Not that the room is completely empty.  There are two folding tables set up against two walls of the room, in an L shaped formation. These tables are mostly used to hold a bunch of crap that we don’t want piling up in other parts of our house.  Until we invite guests over, and then the piles of crap are relocated to another hidden room so people don’t think we are animals living in a pigsty.  Shhhh, don’t tell.

Along the opposite wall of this room is a very old liquor cabinet and small wine rack.  The liquor cabinet travelled with us when we moved from our previous home, and originated who knows where, as it was purchased cheap from Goodwill in an effort to fill an empty bachelor’s new home about 14 years ago.  The wine rack was purchased a few years after, and also travelled with us from our former residence.  Those few pieces of furniture are the extent of items in that room . . . unless you count the copious amounts of liquor taking up valuable real estate on the floor.

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I have previously had concerns that if someone happened to visit our home and see not only a stuffed to bursting liquor cabinet, but also a full wine rack and approximately 27 bottles of booze on the floor, that they might think that they are in a home full of alcoholics.  It would not be an unreasonable assessment, based on the present visual evidence being presented to them, but it would indeed be inaccurate.  You see, if we really were alcoholics, do you think all of those bottles would actually survive long enough to accrue and take over all of that space?  Any alcoholic worth their salt would have binged on those things long ago, leaving them with perhaps a half empty bottle of vanilla in their pantry, if they are doing it right.* 

However, that does not negate the fact that having all of this liquor littering our floor is still a bit embarrassing and messy.  So, with that in mind, I decided to organize and maybe purge some of our booze bottles, many of which had not been seen or touched in numerous years.  So, I pulled every bottle out of the liquor cabinet, every bottle off of the wine rack, and grabbed all of those bottles from the floor, and commenced to peruse and organize.  Honestly, the visual of all of that liquor spread over the dining room was quite impressive . . .

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You are probably wondering to yourself, how on earth does one actually obtain that much liquor?  Either that or you are wondering where I live so you can come by for a cocktail.  I get that a lot.  But, as to the root problem at hand, there are various events and situations that have culminated to create this stunning display.  The first is the fact that the hubs travels quite a bit, many times to foreign countries.  So, what’s a better gift to bring home than a local wine or a bottle of booze from duty-free, right?  Apparently.  An additional cause stems from the many times I’ve sent my hubs to the liquor store to get some beer for people who are coming over, either just to swim in the pool, or for a more formal invited gathering.  Inevitably, he would not only bring home the requisite beer, but a few bottles of booze that happened to catch his eye that he thought might be interesting to try.  This is why we have an entire bottle (but for a taste) of Maple Bacon Liquor, and no less than 15 different varieties of flavored vodkas, including Loopy and Cake.

The third cause would be me.  No, I am not putting all of this on the hubs.  Most of it, yes, but I have some complicity in this debacle as well.  You see, I like to make new and interesting cocktails.  Any time people visit, I like to impress and dazzle them with a new found delicious concoction.  Sometimes, these recipes call for liquor that I either do not own, or that I do, but I end up buying another bottle of anyway because I don’t know that I own it, and am stopping at the liquor store on the way home and have no way to check before purchasing.  (This little fact is why I have two almost full bottles each of Triple Sec, Kahlua and Cruzan light rum . . . oops).

So, the organization project was necessary, as you can see.  I was able to get rid of a few old bottles and some mixes that had expired around the end of the Bush administration.  That would be the first Bush, by the way.  Plus, I could take stock of what I actually had, so that the next time I get an itch to make something new and exciting, I hopefully will remember what liquors I actually own.  Well, conceivably anyway. 

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Especially since I am now taking an online bartending class, and will need to practice making all sorts of classic drinks.  This means I will most likely have to supplement my already stocked bar with some basics that I am currently missing, like Scotch and Gin.  So, I guess that means another trek to the liquor store and more bottles that I have to find room for.

Now that I think of it, I might have a little bit of a problem after all.

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* This is a joke made all in good fun.  I am not in any way trying to belittle anyone’s efforts at sobriety, as I have many friends who are currently either battling or maintaining their defenses against the evil beast of alcoholism raging at their door.  I hope that anyone who needs help, can find the support that they seek.

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57 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. The Cutter
    Aug 28, 2013 @ 08:33:28

    Nothing wrong with that. You’re just keeping your drinking options wide open.

    Reply

  2. flyingplatypi
    Aug 28, 2013 @ 08:42:48

    I totally can’t believe that you cleaned your liquor cabinet without me. I am a very good helper in this department. And also, as punishment, when I come visit, you shall make me a fancy drink. This is your Penance. So sayith the Val.

    Hugs!

    Valerie

    Reply

  3. Go Jules Go
    Aug 28, 2013 @ 08:50:01

    Are you seriously taking an online bartending course? How’ve you been, Misty? Long time, no see drink. Let’s talk. Let’s meet.

    P.S. – Are you supposed to mix anything with the maple bacon vodka?

    Reply

    • agirlwhogames
      Aug 28, 2013 @ 10:09:14

      I second the “are you seriously taking an online bartending class,” and add, “do you like the class and where are you taking it,” because I’d love to learn some awesome hostess skills, too. And yes, being able to whip up any kind of cocktail is an awesome hostess skill. Bonus points if you can make the virgin version taste just as good.

      Reply

      • mistyslaws
        Sep 11, 2013 @ 13:40:52

        Girl – it was a groupon for a half price online class. It is through Bartending College Online. I just looked and they are having another deal for the same thing right now. So, go to Groupon and check it out! And yes, I like it. LOTS of info, and I think I would prefer a more classroom setting, but they have videos, so you can learn a lot.

        Reply

    • mistyslaws
      Sep 11, 2013 @ 13:38:05

      Jules – not that I’m insinuating anything by this, but it’s interesting that you are checking back in JUST as I post about all the alcohol I own. Someone with less class would accuse you of only loving me for my booze. Not me, of course. But someone. :p

      I’m taking an online class. Well, it’s slow going, because I started but have yet to find the time to jump back in. But yes, it is ongoing. Maybe by retirement I will be a certified bartender. What’ll you have?

      Reply

  4. Andrea @ Maybe It's Just Me
    Aug 28, 2013 @ 08:52:11

    I spy, with my little eye…fuzzy navel fixin! The80’scalled and they want their schnapps back!

    Reply

  5. thoughtsappear
    Aug 28, 2013 @ 09:18:46

    Wow! That is impressive! You put Kiefer and I to shame. I like that Key Lime Whipped is front and center.

    Reply

  6. ksujulie
    Aug 28, 2013 @ 09:51:36

    Where’s my invite?!?!

    Reply

  7. JM Randolph
    Aug 28, 2013 @ 09:56:59

    I can tell with my trained eye that you do not have a problem. There is no such thing as “two almost full bottles each of Triple Sec, Kahlua, and Cruzan light rum” in the home of an alcoholic. I do have two concerns. 1) You need to get the rest of the neatly organized collection off the floor. Perhaps it’s time to just give in and turn the dining room into the Liquor Room. Get a nice new hutch, a bar for mixing, a sultry little cocktail table for two where you and hubs can try out your latest creation. 2) what happened to the Redi-Whip & Cheese Whiz in the first picture?

    Reply

    • mistyslaws
      Sep 11, 2013 @ 13:44:39

      Right? That’s what I’m saying!

      It pretty much IS the liquor room. But yeah, it would be nice to have a bar. I don’t really have anywhere to put all my bar glassware, either. If only one had money for such things.

      The redi-whip/cheese whiz were actually liquor infused whippped creams. And they were really old, so I tossed them.

      Reply

  8. bluzdude
    Aug 28, 2013 @ 10:11:58

    Who knew that “Heaven” was actually located on your dining room floor?

    Reply

  9. Maggi Shelbourn
    Aug 28, 2013 @ 12:30:09

    I have the same addiction to finding and making “new” drinks. I am going through a Martini phase and have purchased not only several flavored Vodkas, but some other interesting (and colorful) spirits as well. Jenny (of The Bloggess fame) and her hubs Victor have this thing over too many towels (thus the “birth” of Beyonce the Giant Metal Chicken). Lately, my hubs and I have the same argument over “too many flavored Vodkas”. Tell me honestly, can one ever have TOO MANY flavored vodkas??? And where can I get a giant metal chicken, because IT’S NOT VODKA??
    I love your blog!

    Reply

  10. joeinvegas
    Aug 28, 2013 @ 14:40:55

    Not sure what you did, but the ‘after’ photo is not much different than the ‘before’. You seem to have crammed more into the cabinet and rearranged the floor.
    (I’m just jealous because we don’t have a room to dedicate, most of my bottles are in a big wooden built in cabinet in the garage)

    Reply

    • mistyslaws
      Sep 11, 2013 @ 13:47:33

      Don’t be hatin’ Joe. I got rid of a bunch, and the floor is more organized and less cramped and cluttered. You’re just mad because I didn’t invite you over for a drink. :p

      Reply

  11. thesinglecell
    Aug 28, 2013 @ 19:24:43

    Is it bad that I could identify a number of brands of liquor in your third photo without being able to see anything but their tops/necks?
    You totally predicted everything else I was going to say, by the way.
    *Sips sauv blanc*

    Reply

  12. Mandi
    Aug 28, 2013 @ 19:42:43

    I took a real, live weekend long bartending course like they give to licensed bartenders. It was a fun diversion and I can pour about 22 drinks a minute from memory, but the fuckers didn’t teach me how to spin and flip bottles. Total waste of $200.

    Reply

    • mistyslaws
      Sep 11, 2013 @ 13:49:47

      That’s really what I’ve always wanted to do, but this seemed easier and cheaper. It’s not really easier. But in the video, the guy shows you how to spin the bottle. So, I guess I win? 😉

      Reply

  13. joannerambling
    Aug 29, 2013 @ 04:57:05

    You don’t have a problem, you have a collection…………..

    Reply

  14. wcdameron
    Aug 29, 2013 @ 07:35:39

    What this rooms needs is another bottle of liquor. I stole that line from Leaving Las Vegas, but it seems appropriate. Holy Moley! That’s a lot of juice! We have a bottle of Vodka in the freezer and half a bottle of Cointreau in the cabinet, because yes, we drink it all, so I can validate your statement. You do not have a problem…at all…..

    Reply

  15. cynkingfeeling
    Aug 29, 2013 @ 10:09:17

    Wow.

    Reply

  16. Valentine Logar
    Aug 29, 2013 @ 10:09:27

    This is more impressive than my collection! I am stunned and in awe. But then I did an inventory and purge some months back.

    Reply

  17. Nelson - One Old Sage
    Aug 29, 2013 @ 11:13:51

    I don’t see a drinking problem. I see a storage problem! More cabinets required! 🙂

    Reply

  18. Louise
    Aug 29, 2013 @ 16:17:00

    Do you have a basement? I see a wine cellar in your future… Or we have friends (who live in the country) who have built a WHOLE SEPARATE building to house their wine collection (like a shed, but slightly more classy – I think you’d call it an “outbuilding” or something like that. Perhaps you might consider that? I’m thinking city version might be a second backyard shed which is really a booze room (with a hard core padlock of course). Wait, I think I might like this idea for me….

    Reply

  19. Brown Road Chronicles
    Aug 29, 2013 @ 22:16:47

    Holy crap! I’m not sure I’ve ever seen that much booze in one place (other than a liquor store). Clearly you are not drinking enough of it…that’s why it’s piling up!

    Reply

  20. Kitten Thunder's Girl
    Aug 29, 2013 @ 23:36:16

    Just say no to gin. In all things.

    Reply

  21. PinotNinja
    Aug 30, 2013 @ 10:15:09

    “Either that or you are wondering where I live so you can come by for a cocktail” — yes, yes I am.

    I think that the solution to your problem is to just buy a bigger wine rack, and, also, to start referring to your dining room as your lounge. You can be all Downton Abbey class about it and say things after dinner like “Let’s pass through to the lounge now.” And then you can lay down on a couch while surrounded by booze. It was be the best room ever created.

    Reply

    • mistyslaws
      Sep 11, 2013 @ 13:58:14

      I agree. This room needs to become a loungey booze room STAT. I mean, why not? There isn’t any other furniture and the entire room’s purpose at this point is to store my booze. Can I get one of those couches that have like half a back and only one arm? I always think of those when I think “lounging.”

      Oh, and what’s keeping you? Come on over for a drink. Or 8.

      Reply

  22. Andrea
    Sep 01, 2013 @ 22:20:14

    That is a lot of liquor. And I am a lot of jealous. We cannot keep that much liquor around. It simply disappears.

    Reply

  23. sars!
    Sep 06, 2013 @ 11:31:59

    I am going to use and abuse (ha) my er friendship with you to prove to my brother that I am not in fact an alcoholic. He thinks because we have beer on tap and 10 bottles atop our glassware cabinet and 4 bottles in our wine rack… I am an alcoholic. He should know it is not the having of said booze that makes one an alcoholic… But the consuming. Alas, I feel a touch better.

    I also have a bottle that was merely for the one taste, Chipotle Vodka from Hangar One. It would make a great Bloody Mary if I drank them.

    Reply

    • mistyslaws
      Sep 11, 2013 @ 14:00:35

      Sounds to me like he is either jealous or projecting. He needs a drink!

      Chipotle Vodka. Hmmm, that would probably go very well sitting right next to the Maple Bacon. Is it good? Send it on over to me if you don’t want it. Obviously, I have a collection. 😉

      Reply

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