In case you are wondering, the loser in this situation, at least based on recent occurences and evidentiary support, is me. We’ll get to the winner in a moment. But, as to that whole losing thing, it seems that my good buddy and pal, LIFE, has decided to be a cold, hard, manipulative bitch lately. Maybe it’s that time of the month, huh Lifey ole friend? And lest you think I might be over-exaggerating my present loser status (But Misty! You just had a super rad weekend with Val! Full of fun and shenanigans. Surely, it can’t be all that bad, right?), let me present to you Exhibits A through D.
Exhibit A:
Last Friday I was hit with a massive chest cold which knocked me on my ass and out of work. But, since my job sucks (still), I couldn’t just lay in bed in misery on that cold and rainy day. Oh no, I need a note from a doctor to take a sick day. Yes, that is correct. My employer treats us like toddlers that cannot determine when we are able to make it into work and when one of our sick days needs to be taken. So, despite the fact that my throat hurt like hell and anytime I spoke to someone, I sounded like an 80-year-old asthmatic with a pack-a-day habit (mmmm, sexy), I hauled my ass into the shower and out to the clinic to wait 2 hours just for a note. That’s it. No meds. Nothing. Just needed a note, thank you very much.
Exhibit B:
So, remember that whole broken washer saga thing? And remember how I commented to everyone that it was fixed and I had a functional washer once again? Yeah, so scratch that. The working washer only worked for a couple of weeks before it broke again. And this time, we were told that we needed TWELVE parts to fix it. So, we had to order the parts, wait for them to be delivered and then schedule another appointment for all of those many parts to be installed. In the meantime, I’ve had to trek downstairs to my Father in Law’s place to use his washer, which is a huge annoyance. And although I am very happy that at least I don’t have to go to a laundromat, I want my damn washer to work again! Especially, when you go downstairs and put in your delicates, leaving another load of delicates in a basket pending washing, and you get busy with trying to decorate the tree and forget to go down again for 2 hours, and your Father in Law, who is just trying to be helpful, puts your wash in the dryer and washes your undies on hot with Tide. Oy. I love him for trying, but oy. I really need my washer back.
Exhibit C:
That. Yep, that would be a mouse, peeking out from the dishwasher in my kitchen. Now I know where all those little black pellets I found in my pantry have been coming from.
Exhibit D:
The Fucking Tree. That Goddamn Fucking Christmas Tree!! This might be a familiar tale, if you have been reading this blog for a while, because it seems that I go through this same Groundhog Day extravaganza every single year. You see, I’m married to an elf. He is the most holly jolly of all Christmas elves, while I tend to skew more towards a Grinch-like countenance. However, over the years, he has definitely pulled me over to the dark candy cane side of holiday spirit. Which is all well and good, until it comes to the tree. I am the one who has to decorate the thing. Meaning lights, bows, ornaments. The kids help with the ornaments, but up until that point, it’s all me. Oh, did I mention I’m allergic to pine? Yeah, that’s another little added bonus to the decorating hell I seem to find myself in every year.
This is what my arms look like after a few hours wrestling lights onto the tree.
And look, I’m not trying to be a martyr about this whole thing. I’m not forced to do the tree, I do it willingly, even knowing what will happen to my arms. It hurts and itches for a few hours, then is all gone by the next day, so I can deal. Plus, the hubs just doesn’t have time to do everything, and he does all the outside lights. So, it’s totally fair. What isn’t fair is when you spend hours wrapping the lights all around this big majestic beast of a tree in your living room, getting it to look just perfect, and making sure every single strand is working and lighting up before plugging each one into the next . . . only to have the entire thing go dark the next day. Then, you realize it is the bottom strand that is dead, and are happy your husband picked up an extra strand at Home Depot the previous weekend, and wrestle with the tree to remove that bottom strand and then replace it with the brand new, just out of the box one . . . only to have the whole damn tree go out again the next weekend after you’ve already put the bows on it (in case you’re wondering, I left it dark for a while before replacing that first bottom strand)! Not believing it could possibly be the brand new strand you put on just a couple of days prior, you test out all sorts of things, before you come to terms with the fact that the new strand is indeed the culprit. So, you pull that whole thing off, discover one extra strand in one of the Xmas boxes and put that on . . . and a half hour later, everything but that strand goes out. You are now super pissed, out of lights, and possibly having a mini-breakdown, as you throw a tantrum, complete with whining, stomping, and threats to get a fake tree next year.
So, in case you lost count, that would be FOUR times the lights went out on the tree, THREE restringing of the lights, ONE temper tantrum and ONE threat to get a fake tree. All with the kids asking a million times if it’s time now to put the ornaments on. And that’s just THIS year. The same damn thing happened last year. I think I may be cursed.
So, still doubtful that I’m a big, fat loser in all of this? Yeah, I didn’t think so. The Defense rests!!
Now, on to the winner in this scenario . . . the winner of my most recent giveaway. Yay!!
In case you forgot . . .
And, as always, I left the pickings to my spawn. More specifically, my oldest and first born son, 8.
And the winner is . . . . . .
EMMA5150!!!!
Congrats Emma5150. Send me all of your info (mistyslaws at gmail dot com) and I will get this prize package out to you presently. I might just be able to swing it so as to arrive before Xmas!!
And, for all of you big losers out there (don’t worry, you’re in good company . . . with ME), stay tuned for yet another giveaway coming next week! How did you get so lucky as to get TWO chances to win Misty Laws awesomeness in one month? Well, partly because of a shipping snafu that sent me extra stuff that I’m going to pass along to you, but mostly just because I’m awesome. I will even try to post, pick and send in time to arrive before Xmas as well. No promises, but I’ll try.
Misty's Laws 